So....

[taiwan_girl]

So,

An old relative of mine told people at least three times that the Titanic was going to sink on its first voyage.
Then, security came and took him from the movie theater.

[jon-nyc]

My friend has a bad stutter and by the time he told us his Nana had died, we were all singing Hey Jude.

[LuFins Dad]

Why is it a good thing when a woman goes through a box of tissues watching a movie, and gross when a guy goes through a box of tissues watching a movie?

[jon-nyc]

Lol

[jon-nyc]

To teach my kids about Democracy, I let them vote on dinner. They picked pizza.

Then I ordered sushi because we don't live in a swing state, so their votes don't matter.

[jon-nyc]

I’m terrified about today’s science news. Genetically modifying crabs to have cheetah genes? This could go sideways fast.

[jon-nyc]

When I was young I thought rich people owned Bose systems and the rest of us owned Sony products.

Turns out those were just stereotypes.

[LuFins Dad]

Karla just told me she wants another dog. In the past year, that’s 2 cats and 1 dog… I think she might be going through Many Paws.

[jon-nyc]

Bro: Worst she could do is say no.

Her: Ewww.

[jon-nyc]

If you serve your kids frozen pizza or chicken nuggets for dinner you’re a terrible parent.

I don’t care how busy you are, find the time to microwave them.