Goodbye, Mom
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She passed away tonight, after a very short battle with pancreatic cancer. It took less than two months from the first complaints about the symptoms to death. Surgery was tried, but abandoned when they found out that the metastasis situation was hopeless.
Her last years were hard on her. Within the last five years, she lost two sisters and her husband (all to cancer), her last sister became demented, she lost her kidney function and had to cope with the "joys" of dialysis.
She was born and raised in rural post-war Germany in a relatively poor family - her father was a tailor who lost his job when factory production of clothes became common. She and her husband profited a lot from the "Wirtschaftswunder" of the 1960s and 70s. My father started a real estate business which turned out to be successful. She raised four kids, loved to cook, loved gardening - and partying. During the summer and fall, we ate fresh vegetables from her garden almost every day. In the late 90s and early 00s, after her kids all moved out, she and her husband traveled all over the world. In her last decade, she was an enthusiastic bridge player, got a dog, and kept in shape with Nordic Walking.
Damn, this sucks. I wish I were a twelve year old boy again and she'd call me for lunch.
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I'm so sorry about your mom, Klaus. She sounds like a very resilient woman for retaining her joy for life despite her hardships. I can see why you'll miss her very much. There's no way to make this easier for you, but I sure wish I could.
BTW, it's healthy for you and your kids to share in grieving. It shows how much she meant to all of you, which is a tribute to her in a way. Sometimes parents think it will be harder on their kids if they cry in front of them, but it's not true. It lets them know you loved her, too. They'll appreciate that always. It shows them how important family is. Blessings to you and your family.
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Always remember, Operation Valkyrie was an act of sedition.
Warning: I post things that interest me. Read and comment at your own discretion. -
Rest in peace, Mom.
A urologist friend of mine had his last-surviving parent pass away several years ago. He commented to me, "You're not an adult until you lose both parents. I mean, whom am I going to ask for advice, now?"
Be joyful in the fact that her life was rich, and the fact that she really seemed to enjoy her later years, despite the rough patches of losing spouse and other family.
I'm so sorry to read this.
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I'm very sorry, Klaus.
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@klaus said in Goodbye, Mom:
This hit me harder than I thought it would.
I understand this. My mother was a surprise, she got cancer and died in months at a young age (67). In my father's case, it was very much expected as he had been visibly declining for years, and he was in his 80s. SO I thought his death would be 'easier'. But it wasn't. Something about being an orphan really hits you.
When you shake someone's deep sense of self-worth, leaving a scar in their ego, they will persistently try to diminish you through petty arguments & obsessive captious criticism of your actions, just to soothe the wound.
- Nassim Nicholas Taleb
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Yes it does. I lost my mother in 1984 after a horrible lingering illness. It was expected and should have happened before it did. My father was sudden and a shock, but his health was pretty bad too. I lost them both to smoking.
It's an odd feeling to be parentless, and it makes me worry about my daughter as an only child. There isn't anything I can do about it but it's still a painful thought. It feels like I will be letting her down.
“I am fond of pigs. Dogs look up to us. Cats look down on us. Pigs treat us as equals.” ~Winston S. Churchill
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I found losing my second parent much more difficult to deal with than the first - you need to give yourself time to come to terms with it. It felt much more like the end of something, to me at least.
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@klaus said in Goodbye, Mom:
I think the problem is that it is not only a human that dies. It's the death of a notion of "home", of a "safe place" full of memories. It is also a challenge for the future relation to siblings.
Since my mum died last May, I've been having regular video calls with my brother and his wife, which we never did before - every two weeks or so. I've found it very helpful. The Covid situation hasn't helped, obviously, since we can't visit, which I normally do 2-3 times a year.
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I'm really sorry, Klaus.
