Goodbye, Mom
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@klaus said in Goodbye, Mom:
This hit me harder than I thought it would.
I understand this. My mother was a surprise, she got cancer and died in months at a young age (67). In my father's case, it was very much expected as he had been visibly declining for years, and he was in his 80s. SO I thought his death would be 'easier'. But it wasn't. Something about being an orphan really hits you.
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@klaus said in Goodbye, Mom:
This hit me harder than I thought it would.
I understand this. My mother was a surprise, she got cancer and died in months at a young age (67). In my father's case, it was very much expected as he had been visibly declining for years, and he was in his 80s. SO I thought his death would be 'easier'. But it wasn't. Something about being an orphan really hits you.
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Yes it does. I lost my mother in 1984 after a horrible lingering illness. It was expected and should have happened before it did. My father was sudden and a shock, but his health was pretty bad too. I lost them both to smoking.
It's an odd feeling to be parentless, and it makes me worry about my daughter as an only child. There isn't anything I can do about it but it's still a painful thought. It feels like I will be letting her down.
“I am fond of pigs. Dogs look up to us. Cats look down on us. Pigs treat us as equals.” ~Winston S. Churchill
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I found losing my second parent much more difficult to deal with than the first - you need to give yourself time to come to terms with it. It felt much more like the end of something, to me at least.
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I think the problem is that it is not only a human that dies. It's the death of a notion of "home", of a "safe place" full of memories. It is also a challenge for the future relation to siblings.
@klaus said in Goodbye, Mom:
I think the problem is that it is not only a human that dies. It's the death of a notion of "home", of a "safe place" full of memories. It is also a challenge for the future relation to siblings.
Since my mum died last May, I've been having regular video calls with my brother and his wife, which we never did before - every two weeks or so. I've found it very helpful. The Covid situation hasn't helped, obviously, since we can't visit, which I normally do 2-3 times a year.
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I'm really sorry, Klaus.
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@klaus said in Goodbye, Mom:
It's the death of a notion of "home", of a "safe place" full of memories. It is also a challenge for the future relation to siblings.
Very well said. Everything is different now. She left an amazing son which must have been of some comfort to her, to be proud of her legacy. My condolences to you and your family.
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I’m so sorry.
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Yes it does. I lost my mother in 1984 after a horrible lingering illness. It was expected and should have happened before it did. My father was sudden and a shock, but his health was pretty bad too. I lost them both to smoking.
It's an odd feeling to be parentless, and it makes me worry about my daughter as an only child. There isn't anything I can do about it but it's still a painful thought. It feels like I will be letting her down.
@mik said in Goodbye, Mom:
It's an odd feeling to be parentless, and it makes me worry about my daughter as an only child. There isn't anything I can do about it but it's still a painful thought. It feels like I will be letting her down.
I really thought about this when my father died.
In fact we briefly tried for a second kid, but as Rachel jokes, our son was her last egg. lol
There are really two aspects to it - one is just the fact of dealing with declining/dying parents. It's much easier to do that with multiple siblings.
But the second factor that hit me is after they die your siblings are the only other people that share those childhood memories.
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Condolences Klaus. I appreciate you sharing your mom with us. It must not have been an easy thing to write.
Your comment about wanting to be 12 again reminded me of what a friend said when her father died. Something along the lines of "wanting to be a kid again" because she "didn't want the responsibility of being the new head of the family."
Anyway....condolences again.
