Dementia is a cruel condition.
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My Mother in law.
I might have mentioned this but she went down the dark path of dementia and she was living with us in 2016 until the beginning of 2020.
She was at an assisted living facility until March of this year when they gave her a 30 day notice of eviction to their memory care facility which was $12k per month.
We prepared a room for her here at the house. New carpet, paint, new bedroom set including bed, recliner, dresser and nightstand. It was our "Master Bedroom for the past 28 years. We also renovated my daughters bedroom and moved into the acual "master beddrom". All of our daughters called it their room at one time or another over the 26 years that they lived here at home.
Taking care of a loved one with severe dementia is exhausting, physically and mentally. It was one of the hardest tasks I have ever participated in over the course of my 63 years on this rock.
Sarah, (Mrs Mark) did an incredible job once again taking over the role of primary caregiver. We had mom here for about 3 months and it seemed that we were living in a "Groundhog Day" movie scenario. That's what we called it anyway. Mom was stuck in a world that made no sense to her. She could never grasp the concept of her location, even in the house. She called Sarah, "mommy" heck, she called me "mommy" too.
We called the local ADRC office and made an appointment to have them visit and meet Maxine and us and to assess her current condition. Hospice was recommended as she was starting to decline pretty quickly.
She moved out on June 6 and into a wonderful memory care facility which was far more "affordable" at $7,500 per month.
She was there less than a month and died yesterday early evening.
Maxine was 80 years old.
Rest in peace, Mom.
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Hugs to you @mark
Yes, dementia seems to be much harder on the care-givers than on the patient.
I have a friend in the US (maybe late 50's year old) who has a mom with dementia. She is in an assisted living place like you mention. It is one of those "age in place" and his mom has moved through the stages (starting at independent apartment living) to the most intensive assisted living.
He and his wife just found out that his wife was diagnosed with early dementia. :(. He said that while he really likes the place his mom is at and has received great care there, he realizes that he may be moving there sooner than he expected.
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may her memory be a blessing, especially the good memories when she was cognitive...., take comfort in those and not the difficult ones at the end
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Mark, I'm very sorry for your loss. I know the pain that dementia brings. It's a truly miserable illness.
As Bach said, try and remember her before she was ill.
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RIP to your mother in law. It's fortunate she had family that was able to care for her/look out for her during those years. It's difficult to think about what happens for those who have no people on their side able to help.
@Rich said in Dementia is a cruel condition.:
RIP to your mother in law. It's fortunate she had family that was able to care for her/look out for her during those years. It's difficult to think about what happens for those who have no people on their side able to help.
I'd like to echo this. Sorry, Mark.
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Sorry for you and your family's loss even if a partial blessing. My father suffered from dementia - and my brothers and I fear our futures. All of us would rather die too soon than too late. I really can't say when I lost contact with the person I thought of as my father - though it seemed to come post surgery, perhaps from some mini-strokes.
