So....

[jon-nyc]

My wife asked me if her appendix scar made her look unattractive.

Apparently “Don’t worry, honey, your tits cover it” wasn’t the answer she was looking for.

[jon-nyc]

I’ve opened a can of worms. They just sit there, the worms.

Hardly the chaos that’s been advertised.

[Horace]

Link to video

[jon-nyc]

Rectal Grease went and complained to HR and now we can't use nicknames at work anymore...

[Doctor Phibes]

@jon-nyc said in So....:

I’ve opened a can of worms. They just sit there, the worms.

Hardly the chaos that’s been advertised.

Recent evidence suggest that a barrel full of monkeys is not half as much fun as previously claimed, and is, in fact, rather horrifying!

[jon-nyc]

What’s the difference between a dollar and a pound?

I don’t dollar your mom.

[jon-nyc]

My dad said to me “Do something you love, and you’ll never work a day in your life.”

He was right. I majored in philosophy and have been unemployed since.

[jon-nyc]

I got the wife tested for Tourette’s Syndrome and she came back negative.

Turns out I am a cunt and she does want me to fuck off.

[LuFins Dad]

@jon-nyc said in So....:

People’s IQ should be presented like the weather.

Actual IQ: 105
Feels like: 82

:spittake:

[jon-nyc]

I finally got to see my doctor on Monday and showed her the rash on my scrotum.

She just ignored me and kept pushing her cart through Costco.

[jon-nyc]

The good news about erectile dysfunction is it can be cured with a good diet and exercise.

The hard part is getting your wife to actually do it.

[jon-nyc]

I was holding a bottle of Paul Newman salad dressing when my niece asked me who Paul Newman was. I told her he was an actor, basically the Brad Pitt of my mom’s generation. Then she hit me with, “Who’s Brad Pitt?”

If anyone needs me, I’ll be at the senior center eating applesauce.