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The New Coffee Room

  1. TNCR
  2. General Discussion
  3. So....

So....

Scheduled Pinned Locked Moved General Discussion
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  • jon-nycJ Offline
    jon-nycJ Offline
    jon-nyc
    wrote on last edited by
    #1021

    I finally perfected the art of turning yarn into alcohol.

    I knit you shot.

    Thank you for your attention to this matter.

    1 Reply Last reply
    • jon-nycJ Offline
      jon-nycJ Offline
      jon-nyc
      wrote last edited by
      #1022

      To everyone who wrote ‘stay cool’ in my high school yearbook, I have some devastating news…

      Thank you for your attention to this matter.

      1 Reply Last reply
      • jon-nycJ Offline
        jon-nycJ Offline
        jon-nyc
        wrote last edited by
        #1023

        I couldn’t afford an ancestry DNA kit.

        So I started a rumor that I won the lottery and found all my relatives in record time.

        Thank you for your attention to this matter.

        1 Reply Last reply
        • jon-nycJ Offline
          jon-nycJ Offline
          jon-nyc
          wrote last edited by
          #1024

          You might not be the dumbest person in the world….

          But you better hope he doesn’t die.

          Thank you for your attention to this matter.

          1 Reply Last reply
          • jon-nycJ Offline
            jon-nycJ Offline
            jon-nyc
            wrote last edited by
            #1025

            What if there were no hypothetical questions?

            Thank you for your attention to this matter.

            1 Reply Last reply
            • jon-nycJ Offline
              jon-nycJ Offline
              jon-nyc
              wrote last edited by
              #1026

              People’s IQ should be presented like the weather.

              Actual IQ: 105
              Feels like: 82

              Thank you for your attention to this matter.

              1 Reply Last reply
              • jon-nycJ Offline
                jon-nycJ Offline
                jon-nyc
                wrote last edited by
                #1027

                I accidentally drank a bottle of invisible ink.

                I’m at urgent care waiting to be seen.

                Thank you for your attention to this matter.

                1 Reply Last reply
                • jon-nycJ Offline
                  jon-nycJ Offline
                  jon-nyc
                  wrote last edited by
                  #1028

                  I used to work at a deli but I got fired for sticking my dick into the pickle slicer.

                  She got fired too.

                  Thank you for your attention to this matter.

                  1 Reply Last reply
                  • jon-nycJ Offline
                    jon-nycJ Offline
                    jon-nyc
                    wrote last edited by
                    #1029

                    I crashed my bike in 1973 and scraped my knee real bad.

                    We didn’t have internet then so I’m telling you now.

                    Thank you for your attention to this matter.

                    1 Reply Last reply
                    • MikM Offline
                      MikM Offline
                      Mik
                      wrote last edited by
                      #1030

                      A guy walks into a bar and tells the bartender, “If I show you a wild trick, will you give me a free drink?”
                      The bartender shrugs, “Sure, why not?”
                      The guy reaches into his pocket and pulls out… a tiny rat 🐀. Then out of the other pocket, he pulls a teeny-tiny piano 🎹.
                      The rat stretches, cracks his knuckles, and starts playing the blues like a rodent Ray Charles. 🎶
                      Stunned, the bartender pours him a free drink 🍺.
                      After finishing it, the guy says, “Now, if I show you an even better trick, do I drink free all night?”
                      “Buddy, if you can top that, you’re drinking on me till closing,” the bartender replies.
                      The man pulls the rat and piano out again, and this time reaches into his coat and pulls out… a small bullfrog 🐸.
                      The frog clears his throat and starts belting out soulful blues lyrics. The rat’s playing, the frog’s singing — the bar is dead silent in awe.
                      Suddenly, a man rushes up and says, “I’ll give you $10,000 for that frog!”
                      The guy says, “Nope, not for sale.”
                      “$25,000!”
                      “Nope.”
                      “$50,000! Cash!”
                      “Deal.” 💵
                      The bartender’s jaw drops. “Are you CRAZY? That frog was a gold mine! Why’d you sell him?”
                      The man smirks and says, “Relax. The frog can’t sing... the rat’s a ventriloquist.” 😎🎤🐀

                      "The intelligent man who is proud of his intelligence is like the condemned man who is proud of his large cell." Simone Weil

                      1 Reply Last reply
                      • jon-nycJ Offline
                        jon-nycJ Offline
                        jon-nyc
                        wrote last edited by
                        #1031

                        Lol

                        Thank you for your attention to this matter.

                        1 Reply Last reply
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