Student loans
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wrote on 3 Jun 2022, 11:50 last edited by
I have a lot of admiration for people who can climb out of difficult circumstances and create a better life for themselves.
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@brenda said in Student loans:
it took decades for me to see all of what she was doing and had done. Childhood abuse is very insidious, and difficult for the child to recognize.
Same-same. I also had maternal shit, and it also took me to well into adulthood (and on my own surrounded by normal people, at least to outsiders) to recognize it. I was handicapped by living in a three-person household that moved often, so no intimacies from outsiders were able to be formed, and a father who was absent a lot re TDY (temporary duty).
wrote on 3 Jun 2022, 12:28 last edited by brenda 6 Mar 2022, 12:30@Catseye3 said in Student loans:
@brenda said in Student loans:
it took decades for me to see all of what she was doing and had done. Childhood abuse is very insidious, and difficult for the child to recognize.
Same-same. I also had maternal shit, and it also took me to well into adulthood (and on my own surrounded by normal people, at least to outsiders) to recognize it. I was handicapped by living in a three-person household that moved often, so no intimacies from outsiders were able to be formed, and a father who was absent a lot re TDY (temporary duty).
Many similarities with my family there. There was no way to reach out for help without making life ten times worse. Dad worked second shift, so I didn't see him much. Mother had pushed him out of his role as dad, except when she wanted him to physically discipline us. Afterwards, she would tell us that he would" beat us every day" if it weren't for her protecting us. I began to realize that it was her who made any beatings happen, and it was her tool for trying to make us hate our dad. It worked for my brother, and he really did hate dad. Their relationship never improved, although my brother seemed to have become more reflective years after dad died.
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wrote on 3 Jun 2022, 12:28 last edited by
Sheesh Brenda, do you have any idea what happened to make her so off? Was it a legacy?
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@Catseye3 said in Student loans:
@brenda said in Student loans:
it took decades for me to see all of what she was doing and had done. Childhood abuse is very insidious, and difficult for the child to recognize.
Same-same. I also had maternal shit, and it also took me to well into adulthood (and on my own surrounded by normal people, at least to outsiders) to recognize it. I was handicapped by living in a three-person household that moved often, so no intimacies from outsiders were able to be formed, and a father who was absent a lot re TDY (temporary duty).
Many similarities with my family there. There was no way to reach out for help without making life ten times worse. Dad worked second shift, so I didn't see him much. Mother had pushed him out of his role as dad, except when she wanted him to physically discipline us. Afterwards, she would tell us that he would" beat us every day" if it weren't for her protecting us. I began to realize that it was her who made any beatings happen, and it was her tool for trying to make us hate our dad. It worked for my brother, and he really did hate dad. Their relationship never improved, although my brother seemed to have become more reflective years after dad died.
wrote on 3 Jun 2022, 12:45 last edited by@brenda said in Student loans:
@Catseye3 said in Student loans:
@brenda said in Student loans:
it took decades for me to see all of what she was doing and had done. Childhood abuse is very insidious, and difficult for the child to recognize.
Same-same. I also had maternal shit, and it also took me to well into adulthood (and on my own surrounded by normal people, at least to outsiders) to recognize it. I was handicapped by living in a three-person household that moved often, so no intimacies from outsiders were able to be formed, and a father who was absent a lot re TDY (temporary duty).
Many similarities with my family there. There was no way to reach out for help without making life ten times worse. Dad worked second shift, so I didn't see him much. Mother had pushed him out of his role as dad, except when she wanted him to physically discipline us. Afterwards, she would tell us that he would" beat us every day" if it weren't for her protecting us. I began to realize that it was her who made any beatings happen, and it was her tool for trying to make us hate our dad. It worked for my brother, and he really did hate dad. Their relationship never improved, although my brother seemed to have become more reflective years after dad died.
Holy crap, brenda.
️ I'm so sorry you had to deal with that. -
Sheesh Brenda, do you have any idea what happened to make her so off? Was it a legacy?
wrote on 3 Jun 2022, 12:51 last edited by@LuFins-Dad said in Student loans:
Sheesh Brenda, do you have any idea what happened to make her so off? Was it a legacy?
There was some family history that could have made it a legacy thing, and she definitely has a personality disorder. No details on how, but I had a professional meet with mom and me for a discussion, and a last chance to ask mom about some history in our relationship. In a rare moment, mother showed her true self during the meeting. Afterwards, when my mother had left, the professional leaned forward, put her face in her hands, and said, "Oh, Brenda. Your mother ... your mother ..." My reply: "Isn't she a peach?"
I asked the professional if my mother could ever change. That was what I wanted to know. She said of all the people she worked with, this type of personality disorder was the most difficult. "They don't want to change. Nothing is ever their fault. They never do anything wrong." Since mother was getting worse, trying to hurt my husband and daughter, and not willing to make a change herself, then I had to make a change. I don't know what started her problem, but I know who ended it.
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@brenda said in Student loans:
@Catseye3 said in Student loans:
@brenda said in Student loans:
it took decades for me to see all of what she was doing and had done. Childhood abuse is very insidious, and difficult for the child to recognize.
Same-same. I also had maternal shit, and it also took me to well into adulthood (and on my own surrounded by normal people, at least to outsiders) to recognize it. I was handicapped by living in a three-person household that moved often, so no intimacies from outsiders were able to be formed, and a father who was absent a lot re TDY (temporary duty).
Many similarities with my family there. There was no way to reach out for help without making life ten times worse. Dad worked second shift, so I didn't see him much. Mother had pushed him out of his role as dad, except when she wanted him to physically discipline us. Afterwards, she would tell us that he would" beat us every day" if it weren't for her protecting us. I began to realize that it was her who made any beatings happen, and it was her tool for trying to make us hate our dad. It worked for my brother, and he really did hate dad. Their relationship never improved, although my brother seemed to have become more reflective years after dad died.
Holy crap, brenda.
️ I'm so sorry you had to deal with that.wrote on 3 Jun 2022, 12:55 last edited by -
wrote on 3 Jun 2022, 13:10 last edited by
@Catseye3 said in Student loans:
@Aqua-Letifer said in Student loans:
Holy crap, brenda. ️ I'm so sorry you had to deal with that.
Right back at ya, buddy!
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wrote on 3 Jun 2022, 13:44 last edited by
Wow Brenda that sounds awful. I’m sorry you had to go through that.
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wrote on 3 Jun 2022, 14:34 last edited by
Sorry for derailing the student loan thread!
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wrote on 3 Jun 2022, 14:38 last edited by
@brenda said in Student loans:
Sorry for derailing the student loan thread!
No worries! We're all friends here, and I appreciate your honesty about a horrible situation.
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wrote on 3 Jun 2022, 14:42 last edited by
While sad, it has a silver lining in that you rose above and are stronger and more loving for it.
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While sad, it has a silver lining in that you rose above and are stronger and more loving for it.
wrote on 3 Jun 2022, 14:55 last edited by@Mik said in Student loans:
While sad, it has a silver lining in that you rose above and are stronger and more loving for it.
Ayup. Some people teach you how to be, and some people teach you how not to be.
I recently had a profound moment with kiddo when she said she wanted me to talk with one of her friends who is having trouble. Kiddo said this friend needed a good parent to help her.
Wow. Best compliment ever from kiddo. Virtual hugs all around for that one!
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wrote on 3 Jun 2022, 15:05 last edited by jon-nyc 6 Mar 2022, 15:05
Let’s go to Brenda’s “Almost Two Score” thread and start talking about student loans.
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wrote on 3 Jun 2022, 15:43 last edited by
I guess they are keeping him in the hospital. He's gettin' mighty testy.
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wrote on 3 Jun 2022, 16:05 last edited by
@Mik said in Student loans:
I guess they are keeping him in the hospital. He's gettin' mighty testy.
Nothing a good worming wouldn't fix ...
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wrote on 3 Jun 2022, 19:21 last edited by
@jon-nyc said in Student loans:
Let’s go to Brenda’s “Almost Two Score” thread and start talking about student loans.
Absolutely! Mix it in with our fountain project!
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wrote on 3 Jun 2022, 19:23 last edited by
I heard there was a contest for derailing the most threads.
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wrote on 3 Jun 2022, 19:24 last edited by
You could derail a trolley problem thread to provide a clever meta solution.
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wrote on 3 Jun 2022, 19:55 last edited by jon-nyc 6 Apr 2022, 20:03
It could be very ethical (though not in a deontological sense) if a bunch of members were getting crushed with the current thread topic.