So....

[LuFins Dad]

@jon-nyc said in So....:

@lufins-dad

It's not true, though, you've been feta lie.

Hey, That’s nacho cheese pun! It’s mine!

[LuFins Dad]

Admit it, your password is Let5g08rand0n!

[jon-nyc]

After I went bald I still kept my comb.

I just can’t part with it.

[jon-nyc]

Interviewer: Where do you see yourself in 5 years?

Me: I’d say my biggest weakness is listening.

[jon-nyc]

According to my chocolate Advent calendar, there are only 3 more days until Christmas.

[jon-nyc]

I had a cross-eyed girlfriend once. It didn’t work out though, we just couldn’t see eye to eye.

Plus, I think she was seeing someone on the side.

[jon-nyc]

I was going to take one of those Viking River cruises but then I found out you don’t get to loot villages and monasteries along the way.

[Catseye3]

@jon-nyc said in So....:

According to my chocolate Advent calendar, there are only 3 more days until Christmas.

[George K]

@jon-nyc said in So....:

I was going to take one of those Viking River cruises but then I found out you don’t get to loot villages and monasteries along the way.

[jon-nyc]

I’m told watching tropical fish can have a relaxing effect on the brain.

It’s because of the indoor fins.

[George K]

Why did the Italian boy try to grow a mustache?

So he could look like his mama.

[Larry]

@george-k said in So....:

Why did the Italian boy try to grow a mustache?

So he could look like his mama.

Cold.

[jon-nyc]

Walmart is giving out free turkeys to anyone who can outrun security.

[jon-nyc]

What’s worse than your girlfriend sending you a break-up text?

A follow-up text saying ‘Sorry, that wasn’t for you.’

[George K]

Apologies if I posted this earlier.

Q: What's the difference between babies and cats?

A: When you get tired of carrying a baby, you can't just drop it on the floor.

[Ivorythumper]

so….

I told my psychiatrist about my fear of palindromes and he put me on Xanax.

[George K]

@ivorythumper stealing that one....

[jon-nyc]

@george-k said in So....:

Apologies if I posted this earlier.

Q: What's the difference between babies and cats?

A: When you get tired of carrying a baby, you can't just drop it on the floor.

Sez who???

[jon-nyc]

Between Saving Private Ryan ($70 MM), Interstellar
($165 MM), and The Martian ($108 MM), America has spent nearly $350 million trying to rescue Matt Damon.

[Ivorythumper]

So… a guy walks into a bar with a newt.

"A pint of beer for me and a glass of water for my newt, please."

"Strange pet," says the barkeep. "What’s his name?"

"Tiny," answers the man.

"Why?" the bartender inquires.

"I call him Tiny because he’s my newt."