@89th said in Advice:
@Aqua-Letifer
I appreciate the reply and the perspectives. The rational vs emotional aspect... I get it, but it's hard for me to apply it to the scenario such as yesterday. We were all going to the baseball practice, then my wife said she wanted to stay home. Ok cool. Then she said she'll go. Ok cool. Wait, it's time to pack up and go? She specifically decided she wanted to go but now she is stressed about where things are (such as the baby carrier or sunscreen), and for her to make statements about "I have to do everything" or "Where is the carrier, you had it last!" or "Why did you get Jimmy Johns after all?", it is hard for me to chalk that up to emotions, although I'm sure it is. For me, it's poor communication. How do I talk to her about shifting those blame/insults to something like "Hey can you help me find the carrier?" and dropping the insults?
Irregardless... (ok just kidding, I know you hate that), I'll try hard to look at the emotions behind these fights. However I know her, it's tough for her to sit down and discuss our egos, our emotions, our trust... We trust each other, we know each other very well, and if I even want to talk about yesterday's fight, she'll just say she doesn't want to talk about it.
The next time your wife gets that way, get her to tell you more. Literally say, “okay, and what else?” (God help you if you say it sarcastically or start to defend yourself. This isn’t about that.) If she gets defensive, she’s either scared about confiding thoughts she feels she shouldn’t have, or doesn’t trust you or both. Gotta get past that shit.
We will see. A great example is we have about 10 thank-you cards to write. She's been wanting to write them for a few weeks. I have offered to just do them. Not in a mean way, but she's made it clear she wants to be there when we write them so that we do it together, she includes her gratitude, etc. Normally this would be fine, but I can guarantee at some point if the thank you cards come up as a topic, she'll make a comment about how I could've just taken charge and written them, even though I specifically am waiting since I know she wants to be involved. Another minor, but clear, example that we are struggling with communication.
Shee-it...You call that fightin'? My wife is part French, part Scot. She can dish it out. Me? I got enough coonass in me, I'd rather fight than eat.
BTW, my wife's nickname is Saint.
We tied up in the hospital, post CABG, day two. You, son, are an amateur.
But don't ever not love your wife. And don't ever not be there, when she really needs you. As she should love you and be there for you.
As for understanding women, I've only been married to this lady for 43 years and we dated four years before we married. I'm still trying to figure her out. Probably never will, as that's half the fun.
