So....
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DAD: I was just listening to the radio on my way in to town, apparently an actress just killed herself.
MOM: Oh my! Who!?
DAD: Uh, I can't remember... I think her name was Reese something?
MOM: WITHERSPOON!!!!!???????
DAD: No, it was with a knife.
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Okay, one more . . .
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I went into a shop and asked, “Can I have a bottle of shampoo, please?”The woman said, “Extra volume?”
“CAN I HAVE A BOTTLE OF SHAMPOO, PLEASE!
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Happy Ramadan to my Muslim brothers and sisters. This month, lunch is on me.
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A buddy of mine got his degree in Egyptology, but hasn’t been able to find any work. He’s back in school now so he can TEACH Egyptology to people who won’t be able to find jobs.
His entire career is a pyramid scheme.
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Them: How much do you normally spend on a bottle of wine?
Me: 30 minutes max.
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Trains are just roller coasters that gave up on their dream and got a real job.
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After high school I worked at the mall for a year before going to college.
It was my Gap year.