So....

[Catseye3]

DAD: I was just listening to the radio on my way in to town, apparently an actress just killed herself.

MOM: Oh my! Who!?

DAD: Uh, I can't remember... I think her name was Reese something?

MOM: WITHERSPOON!!!!!???????

DAD: No, it was with a knife.

[Catseye3]

What noise does a 747 make when it bounces?

Boeing, Boeing, Boeing.

[Catseye3]

My cat has just eaten three mallards!

He’s a duck filled fatty puss.

---

Okay, that's all, I promise.

For tonight, anyway.

[Catseye3]

Okay, one more . . .
^
^
I went into a shop and asked, “Can I have a bottle of shampoo, please?”

The woman said, “Extra volume?”

“CAN I HAVE A BOTTLE OF SHAMPOO, PLEASE!”

[taiwan_girl]

@Catseye3 said in So....:

Okay, one more . . .
^
^
I went into a shop and asked, “Can I have a bottle of shampoo, please?”

The woman said, “Extra volume?”

“CAN I HAVE A BOTTLE OF SHAMPOO, PLEASE!

Link to video

[jon-nyc]

Happy Ramadan to my Muslim brothers and sisters. This month, lunch is on me.

[George K]

@jon-nyc said in So....:

Happy Ramadan to my Muslim brothers and sisters. This month, lunch is on me.

(not so) Cheap Scotch, everywhere!

[George K]

That year I had excruciating diarrhea was, as they say in Latin, my anus horribilis.

[jon-nyc]

A buddy of mine got his degree in Egyptology, but hasn’t been able to find any work. He’s back in school now so he can TEACH Egyptology to people who won’t be able to find jobs.

His entire career is a pyramid scheme.

[George K]

@jon-nyc said in So....:

A buddy of mine got his degree in Egyptology, but hasn’t been able to find any work. He’s back in school now so he can TEACH Egyptology to people who won’t be able to find jobs.

His entire career is a pyramid scheme.

[jon-nyc]

Them: How much do you normally spend on a bottle of wine?

Me: 30 minutes max.

[Catseye3]

Did you hear about the chameleon who couldn't change color? He had a reptile dysfunction.

[Catseye3]

Therapist: So what brings the two of you here today?

My wife: It's impossible to live with him. He's too literal.

Me: My truck.

[George K]

@Catseye3 said in So....:

Therapist: So what brings the two of you here today?

My wife: It's impossible to live with him. He's too literal.

Me: My truck.

Love that one.

[jon-nyc]

Trains are just roller coasters that gave up on their dream and got a real job.

[George K]

So...

When people say, "Enjoy them while they're young...."

They're talking about your hips and your knees.

[jon-nyc]

After high school I worked at the mall for a year before going to college.

It was my Gap year.

[Catseye3]

For Aqua: Did you hear about the bankrupt poet who ode everyone?

[Catseye3]

For Phibes: I was playing chess with my friend and he said, “Let’s make this interesting.” So we stopped playing chess.

[Catseye3]

<

I asked the IT guy, "How do you make a Motherboard?" He said, "I tell her about my job."