So....

[jon-nyc]

How come Jim isn’t at work today?

He’s in the hospital.

The hospital? But I saw him dancing with some chick last night.

Yeah, so did his wife.

[Larry]

A man rushes his wife to the ER. For 2 hours he paces back and forth, waiting to hear something from the Dr. Finally the Dr. Come into the waiting room.

Dr: "Sir, your wife doesn't look very good."

Man: "Y eah, I know... but she's a good cook and the kids seem to like her...."

[jon-nyc]

@Larry

The version I heard….

Cop shows up at the door, talks to the guy there.

“I’m sorry to have to tell you this, but it looks like your wife got run over by a bus”

“Yeah I know but she takes it up the ass and is good with the kids”.

[Larry]

Lol....

Dr. "Mr. Smith, you're going to have to stop masturbating.."

Mr. Smith : "Why?"

Dr. : "Because I'm trying to clean your teeth,......."

[jon-nyc]

Scientists announced that dolphins are second to man in intelligence.

I guess that pushes women down to third place.

[jon-nyc]

The guy that coined the term “one hit wonder” never came up with another catchy phrase.

[jon-nyc]

My friend had strobe lights installed in his bedroom. He says the sex is the same, but his wife looks like she’s moving.

[xenon]

What's the difference between an oral and rectal thermometer?

The taste.

[xenon]

I know a lot of jokes about unemployed people...

...but none of them work.

[xenon]

So this guy with premature ejaculation comes outta nowhere...

[Catseye3]

Yo momma so stupid she thinks a quarterback is a refund.

[jon-nyc]

I heard this cool music coming from my printer last night.

Apparently my paper was jamming.

[George K]

My wife and I went through the McDonald's driveway window and I gave the cashier a $5 bill.

Our total was $4.25, so I also handed her 25c.

She said, 'you gave me too much money.'

I said, 'Yes I know, but this way you can just give me a dollar back.'

She sighed and went to get the manager who asked me to repeat my request.

I did so, and he handed me back the 25c, and said 'We're sorry but we don’t do that kind of thing.'

The cashier then proceeded to give me back 75 cents in change.

Do not confuse the people at MacD's.

[Catseye3]

@George-K "That kind of thing???"

WTF did he think you were trying to do???

[George K]

@Catseye3 said in So....:

@George-K "That kind of thing???"

WTF did he think you were doing???

Two things:

1. Checking the effectiveness of our education system.
2. Making xer job easier.

[George K]

Can w‌‌e b‌‌an “‌‌Yo M‌‌omma” j‌‌okes?

T‌‌hey’re o‌‌ld, s‌‌tupid, a‌‌nd h‌‌ave b‌‌een d‌‌one b‌‌y l‌‌iterally e‌‌veryone h‌‌undreds o‌‌f t‌‌imes.

Just like yo momma.

[George K]

I really don't watch soccer...

If I wanted to watch somebody struggle to score for 90 minutes, I would have taken my friends out to the bar.

[jon-nyc]

So…. 50% of Roger Federer’s name is “er”.

[George K]

So, yesterday was the Fourth of July, I just told my daughters they were named after George Washington.

About 280 years after to be precise.

[jon-nyc]

I’ve never been very good at geography. But I can name one city in France, which is nice.