So....
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So.. I asked my grandfather how, after 70 years of marriage, why he still calls grandma "sweetie" or "love" or "gorgeous"....
He replied, "I forgot her name years ago and there's no way I could ask."
It’s always something.
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I found a hat with $17.50 in it.
At first I thought this other guy was going to pick it up. But he was too busy juggling.
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"Now look here, you Baltic gas passer... " - Mik, 6/14/08
The saying, "Lite is just one damn thing after another," is a gross understatement. The damn things overlap.
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I put a banana down my pants to attract the ladies at the bar.
Didn't work.
Tonight I will put it in the front.
That's a version of the old joke about Sven and Ole going to the beach to get some girls. Ole asks Sven how it is that Sven gets all the girls' attention. Sven says, "Oh, ja, vell dat's cuz I put a potato in my svim trunks, doncha know."
Ole is impressed with Sven's ingenuity, so he tries it the next day at the beach. To his dismay, it doesn't work at all. In fact, the girls like him even less than before.
Ole asks Sven how it is that the potato trick didn't work for him. Sven replies, "Ya put it in da front, Ole! In da front!"
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After sex the other night, I was worried that I had ejaculated prematurely. But my wife assured me it was ok.
It was a load off my mind.
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In dog beers I've only had one.
It’s always something.
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So… I spent last night defrosting the fridge.
Or foreplay, as she likes to call it.
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How come Jim isn’t at work today?
He’s in the hospital.
The hospital? But I saw him dancing with some chick last night.
Yeah, so did his wife.
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A man rushes his wife to the ER. For 2 hours he paces back and forth, waiting to hear something from the Dr. Finally the Dr. Come into the waiting room.
Dr: "Sir, your wife doesn't look very good."
Man: "Y eah, I know... but she's a good cook and the kids seem to like her...."
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The version I heard….
Cop shows up at the door, talks to the guy there.
“I’m sorry to have to tell you this, but it looks like your wife got run over by a bus”
“Yeah I know but she takes it up the ass and is good with the kids”.
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Scientists announced that dolphins are second to man in intelligence.
I guess that pushes women down to third place.
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The guy that coined the term “one hit wonder” never came up with another catchy phrase.
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My friend had strobe lights installed in his bedroom. He says the sex is the same, but his wife looks like she’s moving.
