So....
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wrote on 24 May 2022, 17:00 last edited by
I always close my eyes when I kiss a woman.
In my experience you get far less pepper spray in them that way.
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wrote on 24 May 2022, 22:56 last edited by
I met my girlfriend on tinder.
Man that was awkward.
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wrote on 24 May 2022, 23:21 last edited by
I’ve started seeing a girl… Fortunately, she hasn’t seen me, yet.
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wrote on 26 May 2022, 12:36 last edited by
Q. Why is the sand wet?
A. Because the sea weed. -
wrote on 26 May 2022, 13:08 last edited by
"How am I supposed to trust you when you keep running away every time I untie you?"
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wrote on 26 May 2022, 14:58 last edited by
So....
The sexual position known as 69 will henceforth be known as 96 as the cost of eating out has gone up...
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wrote on 26 May 2022, 19:44 last edited by
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wrote on 29 May 2022, 21:30 last edited by
The elderly wife in church turned to her husband and said, “I’ve just done a silent fart. What should I do?”
He said, “Change the batteries in your hearing aid”.
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wrote on 31 May 2022, 14:17 last edited by
What pronouns does chocolate use?
Her/she.
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wrote on 1 Jun 2022, 19:23 last edited by
So.. I asked my grandfather how, after 70 years of marriage, why he still calls grandma "sweetie" or "love" or "gorgeous"....
He replied, "I forgot her name years ago and there's no way I could ask."
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So.. I asked my grandfather how, after 70 years of marriage, why he still calls grandma "sweetie" or "love" or "gorgeous"....
He replied, "I forgot her name years ago and there's no way I could ask."
wrote on 2 Jun 2022, 01:18 last edited by -
wrote on 4 Jun 2022, 01:31 last edited by
I found a hat with $17.50 in it.
At first I thought this other guy was going to pick it up. But he was too busy juggling.
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wrote on 5 Jun 2022, 11:52 last edited by
I put a banana down my pants to attract the ladies at the bar.
Didn't work.
Tonight I will put it in the front.
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I put a banana down my pants to attract the ladies at the bar.
Didn't work.
Tonight I will put it in the front.
wrote on 6 Jun 2022, 14:03 last edited byI put a banana down my pants to attract the ladies at the bar.
Didn't work.
Tonight I will put it in the front.
That's a version of the old joke about Sven and Ole going to the beach to get some girls. Ole asks Sven how it is that Sven gets all the girls' attention. Sven says, "Oh, ja, vell dat's cuz I put a potato in my svim trunks, doncha know."
Ole is impressed with Sven's ingenuity, so he tries it the next day at the beach. To his dismay, it doesn't work at all. In fact, the girls like him even less than before.
Ole asks Sven how it is that the potato trick didn't work for him. Sven replies, "Ya put it in da front, Ole! In da front!"
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wrote on 7 Jun 2022, 02:49 last edited by
After sex the other night, I was worried that I had ejaculated prematurely. But my wife assured me it was ok.
It was a load off my mind.
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wrote on 9 Jun 2022, 11:34 last edited by
The worst thing about getting gas right now is how long it takes to fill out the loan application.
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wrote on 19 Jun 2022, 02:11 last edited by
In dog beers I've only had one.
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wrote on 20 Jun 2022, 19:20 last edited by
So… I spent last night defrosting the fridge.
Or foreplay, as she likes to call it.
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wrote on 21 Jun 2022, 17:02 last edited by
How come Jim isn’t at work today?
He’s in the hospital.
The hospital? But I saw him dancing with some chick last night.
Yeah, so did his wife.
