So....

[George K]

@jon-nyc said in So....:

My buddy was bragging that his 3D printer could print a gun. But I wasn’t impressed.

I’ve had a Canon printer for years.

Stealing....

The longest drum solo in history lasted 10 hours and 43 minutes.

It was performed by the kid sitting behind me on Delta 237 from LA to Tokyo.

Yeah, that one too.

[jon-nyc]

I just got 30 minutes of cardio trying to pick an ice cube up off the kitchen floor.

[jon-nyc]

Anybody can masturbate under a sheet.

But it takes real skill to do it without the hairdresser noticing.

[Larry]

So....

Why does the Russian Navy have glass bottom boats?...

So they can see their Air Force....

[Ivorythumper]

@Larry said in So....:

So....

Why does the Russian Navy have glass bottom boats?...

So they can see their Air Force Navy....

FIFYNNTTM

[George K]

If Elon Musk came out as gay, would you oppose Musk man dates?

[jon-nyc]

I always close my eyes when I kiss a woman.

In my experience you get far less pepper spray in them that way.

[jon-nyc]

I met my girlfriend on tinder.

Man that was awkward.

[LuFins Dad]

I’ve started seeing a girl… Fortunately, she hasn’t seen me, yet.

[Catseye3]

Q. Why is the sand wet?
A. Because the sea weed.

[Catseye3]

"How am I supposed to trust you when you keep running away every time I untie you?"

[Larry]

So....

The sexual position known as 69 will henceforth be known as 96 as the cost of eating out has gone up...

[Ivorythumper]

@Catseye3 said in So....:

Q. Why is the sand wet?
A. Because the sea weed.

HAHA!

[George K]

The elderly wife in church turned to her husband and said, “I’ve just done a silent fart. What should I do?”

He said, “Change the batteries in your hearing aid”.

[George K]

What pronouns does chocolate use?

Her/she.

[jon-nyc]

So.. I asked my grandfather how, after 70 years of marriage, why he still calls grandma "sweetie" or "love" or "gorgeous"....

He replied, "I forgot her name years ago and there's no way I could ask."

[brenda]

@jon-nyc said in So....:

So.. I asked my grandfather how, after 70 years of marriage, why he still calls grandma "sweetie" or "love" or "gorgeous"....

He replied, "I forgot her name years ago and there's no way I could ask."

Hubby loves this one! Very appropriate for us today, too. Thanks, Jon!

[jon-nyc]

I found a hat with $17.50 in it.

At first I thought this other guy was going to pick it up. But he was too busy juggling.

[George K]

I put a banana down my pants to attract the ladies at the bar.

Didn't work.

Tonight I will put it in the front.

[brenda]

@George-K said in So....:

I put a banana down my pants to attract the ladies at the bar.

Didn't work.

Tonight I will put it in the front.

That's a version of the old joke about Sven and Ole going to the beach to get some girls. Ole asks Sven how it is that Sven gets all the girls' attention. Sven says, "Oh, ja, vell dat's cuz I put a potato in my svim trunks, doncha know."

Ole is impressed with Sven's ingenuity, so he tries it the next day at the beach. To his dismay, it doesn't work at all. In fact, the girls like him even less than before.

Ole asks Sven how it is that the potato trick didn't work for him. Sven replies, "Ya put it in da front, Ole! In da front!"