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The New Coffee Room

  1. TNCR
  2. General Discussion
  3. So....

So....

Scheduled Pinned Locked Moved General Discussion
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  • Catseye3C Offline
    Catseye3C Offline
    Catseye3
    wrote on last edited by
    #56

    I was sitting at a bar last night and this Asian-looking fellow sits down next to me and takes a sip of beer.

    I glance over at him and ask if he knows any of those martial arts like kung fu, karate or ju jitsu.

    He says, "No, WTF man? Are you asking because I'm Chinese?"

    I said, "No, it's because you're drinking my beer."

    dfc8cc85-6b20-4e0e-b426-3a585efe5db2-image.png

    Success is measured by your discipline and inner peace. – Mike Ditka

    1 Reply Last reply
    • jon-nycJ Offline
      jon-nycJ Offline
      jon-nyc
      wrote on last edited by
      #57

      So, I’m now my wife’s sexual advisor.

      Just yesterday she told me when she wants my fucking advice she’ll ask for it.

      Only non-witches get due process.

      • Cotton Mather, Salem Massachusetts, 1692
      1 Reply Last reply
      • George KG Offline
        George KG Offline
        George K
        wrote on last edited by
        #58

        So, I asked my wife for a screwdriver.

        She said, "Flathead, Phillips, or Vodka?"

        It was at that moment I knew she was the one.

        "Now look here, you Baltic gas passer... " - Mik, 6/14/08

        The saying, "Lite is just one damn thing after another," is a gross understatement. The damn things overlap.

        1 Reply Last reply
        • LarryL Offline
          LarryL Offline
          Larry
          wrote on last edited by
          #59

          So... I walked into the kitchen a while ago and my wife was chopping up onions.. which made me cry......

          Because onions was a good dog...

          1 Reply Last reply
          • LarryL Offline
            LarryL Offline
            Larry
            wrote on last edited by
            #60

            Wife: Hi.. I'm pregnant..
            Husband: hi.. I'm Dad...
            Wife: no you're not.....

            1 Reply Last reply
            • LarryL Offline
              LarryL Offline
              Larry
              wrote on last edited by Larry
              #61

              Since it started raining today, all my wife has done is sit looking forlornly through the window.

              I guess next time I get up to go to the toilet I should let her in...

              1 Reply Last reply
              • LarryL Offline
                LarryL Offline
                Larry
                wrote on last edited by
                #62

                So.. my wife is laughing at me. I bought a new computer, and was setting up a password "mydick"....

                A message flashed on the screen that said "your password is too short"

                1 Reply Last reply
                • LarryL Offline
                  LarryL Offline
                  Larry
                  wrote on last edited by
                  #63

                  I thought my wife was joking when she told me she was going to leave me if I didn't stop singing "I'm a believer"...

                  Then I saw her face......

                  1 Reply Last reply
                  • LarryL Offline
                    LarryL Offline
                    Larry
                    wrote on last edited by
                    #64

                    A doctor and his wife are talking...

                    Wife: I can't believe you cheated on me!!

                    Husband: well, she was just lying there naked on a table, what did you expect me to Do?

                    Wife:AN AUTOPSY!!!

                    1 Reply Last reply
                    • LarryL Offline
                      LarryL Offline
                      Larry
                      wrote on last edited by
                      #65

                      A string theorist is in bed with another woman and his wife walks in the room and catches them.. The string theorist says "Wait - I can explain everything!!"

                      1 Reply Last reply
                      • jon-nycJ Offline
                        jon-nycJ Offline
                        jon-nyc
                        wrote on last edited by
                        #66

                        My gym declared bankruptcy yesterday. Who’s the quitter now, bitches?

                        Only non-witches get due process.

                        • Cotton Mather, Salem Massachusetts, 1692
                        1 Reply Last reply
                        • jon-nycJ Offline
                          jon-nycJ Offline
                          jon-nyc
                          wrote on last edited by
                          #67

                          I thought naming my dog ‘Shark’ was a good idea until I took him to the beach.

                          Only non-witches get due process.

                          • Cotton Mather, Salem Massachusetts, 1692
                          1 Reply Last reply
                          • Catseye3C Offline
                            Catseye3C Offline
                            Catseye3
                            wrote on last edited by
                            #68

                            What did the fisherman say to the magician?

                            Pick a cod, any cod.

                            cd86ffc3-2441-4ccc-b785-43eba30354cd-image.png

                            Success is measured by your discipline and inner peace. – Mike Ditka

                            1 Reply Last reply
                            • jon-nycJ Offline
                              jon-nycJ Offline
                              jon-nyc
                              wrote on last edited by
                              #69

                              An epidemiologist, an ER doc, and an infectious disease specialist walk into a bar....

                              ... just kidding.

                              Only non-witches get due process.

                              • Cotton Mather, Salem Massachusetts, 1692
                              1 Reply Last reply
                              • HoraceH Online
                                HoraceH Online
                                Horace
                                wrote on last edited by
                                #70

                                The ER doc part makes it ring slightly less true, what with the ER docs who own urgent care clinics that were losing money due to the shelter in place/lock down orders, and who coincidentally came to a scientific conclusion that maybe those orders weren't in society's best interest after all.

                                Education is extremely important.

                                1 Reply Last reply
                                • LarryL Offline
                                  LarryL Offline
                                  Larry
                                  wrote on last edited by
                                  #71

                                  So.. I figured out why there are no German cat breeds..

                                  Cats refuse to take orders....

                                  1 Reply Last reply
                                  • LarryL Offline
                                    LarryL Offline
                                    Larry
                                    wrote on last edited by Larry
                                    #72

                                    Did you know you can hear the blood running through your veins?

                                    You have to listen varicosely....

                                    1 Reply Last reply
                                    • LarryL Offline
                                      LarryL Offline
                                      Larry
                                      wrote on last edited by
                                      #73

                                      So.. a cat walks into a telegram office. The guy hands the cat a form to write his message on. The cat writes "meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow" and hands it to the man.

                                      The man says "That's only nine "meows". You can send another "meow" for the same price if you want.

                                      The cat says "yeah, but then it wouldn't make any sense,,,,"

                                      1 Reply Last reply
                                      • LarryL Offline
                                        LarryL Offline
                                        Larry
                                        wrote on last edited by
                                        #74

                                        I just got robbed by 6 dwarfs...

                                        Not Happy.....

                                        1 Reply Last reply
                                        • LarryL Offline
                                          LarryL Offline
                                          Larry
                                          wrote on last edited by
                                          #75

                                          Did you hear the one about the abusive dwarf and his tall wife?

                                          It's
                                          A real knee slapper.....

                                          1 Reply Last reply
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