So....

[jon-nyc]

So, I’m now my wife’s sexual advisor.

Just yesterday she told me when she wants my fucking advice she’ll ask for it.

[George K]

So, I asked my wife for a screwdriver.

She said, "Flathead, Phillips, or Vodka?"

It was at that moment I knew she was the one.

[Larry]

So... I walked into the kitchen a while ago and my wife was chopping up onions.. which made me cry......

Because onions was a good dog...

[Larry]

Wife: Hi.. I'm pregnant..
Husband: hi.. I'm Dad...
Wife: no you're not.....

[Larry]

Since it started raining today, all my wife has done is sit looking forlornly through the window.

I guess next time I get up to go to the toilet I should let her in...

[Larry]

So.. my wife is laughing at me. I bought a new computer, and was setting up a password "mydick"....

A message flashed on the screen that said "your password is too short"

[Larry]

I thought my wife was joking when she told me she was going to leave me if I didn't stop singing "I'm a believer"...

Then I saw her face......

[Larry]

A doctor and his wife are talking...

Wife: I can't believe you cheated on me!!

Husband: well, she was just lying there naked on a table, what did you expect me to Do?

Wife:AN AUTOPSY!!!

[Larry]

A string theorist is in bed with another woman and his wife walks in the room and catches them.. The string theorist says "Wait - I can explain everything!!"

[jon-nyc]

My gym declared bankruptcy yesterday. Who’s the quitter now, bitches?

[jon-nyc]

I thought naming my dog ‘Shark’ was a good idea until I took him to the beach.

[Catseye3]

What did the fisherman say to the magician?

Pick a cod, any cod.

[jon-nyc]

An epidemiologist, an ER doc, and an infectious disease specialist walk into a bar....

... just kidding.

[Horace]

The ER doc part makes it ring slightly less true, what with the ER docs who own urgent care clinics that were losing money due to the shelter in place/lock down orders, and who coincidentally came to a scientific conclusion that maybe those orders weren't in society's best interest after all.

[Larry]

So.. I figured out why there are no German cat breeds..

Cats refuse to take orders....

[Larry]

Did you know you can hear the blood running through your veins?

You have to listen varicosely....

[Larry]

So.. a cat walks into a telegram office. The guy hands the cat a form to write his message on. The cat writes "meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow" and hands it to the man.

The man says "That's only nine "meows". You can send another "meow" for the same price if you want.

The cat says "yeah, but then it wouldn't make any sense,,,,"

[Larry]

I just got robbed by 6 dwarfs...

Not Happy.....

[Larry]

Did you hear the one about the abusive dwarf and his tall wife?

It's
A real knee slapper.....

[Larry]

So..

The Autopsy Club will be having it's annual party next Friday night.

It will be Open Mike Night....