So....
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A British Jew is waiting in line to be knighted by the Queen. He is to kneel in front of her and recite a sentence in Latin when she taps him on the shoulders with her sword. However, when his turn comes, he panics in the excitement of the moment and forgets the Latin. Then, thinking fast, he recites the only other sentence he knows in a foreign language, which he remembers from the Passover seder:
"Ma nishtana ha layla ha zeh mi kol ha laylot."
Puzzled, Her Majesty turns to her advisor and whispers, "Why is this knight different from all other knights?"
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Sitting here in ER. I don’t want to go into details, let’s just say the “Dyson Ball Cleaner” is a very misleading product name.
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My daughter came out today and told us she identifies as a musical instrument.
I’ve always had suspicions about our Monica.
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I told my Chinese girlfriend last night I wanted 69.
She said “why do you want beef and broccoli now?”
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Did you know pigeons can only have sex once, then they die?
At least the one I fucked.
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Studies have shown people eat more bananas than monkeys.
Come to think of it, I can’t even remember the last time I ate a monkey.
It’s always something.
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Therapist: What would you say to your dad if he were alive today?
Me: I’m sorry for cremating you. We honestly thought you were dead.
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I asked my wife to polish my medieval battle uniform while I go to the pub.
She always said she wanted a night in, shining armour.
