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The New Coffee Room

  1. TNCR
  2. General Discussion
  3. So....

So....

Scheduled Pinned Locked Moved General Discussion
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  • J Online
    J Online
    jon-nyc
    wrote on 26 Apr 2022, 21:47 last edited by
    #627

    I told my Chinese girlfriend last night I wanted 69.

    She said “why do you want beef and broccoli now?”

    Only non-witches get due process.

    • Cotton Mather, Salem Massachusetts, 1692
    1 Reply Last reply
    • J Online
      J Online
      jon-nyc
      wrote on 29 Apr 2022, 02:02 last edited by
      #628

      Did you know pigeons can only have sex once, then they die?

      At least the one I fucked.

      Only non-witches get due process.

      • Cotton Mather, Salem Massachusetts, 1692
      1 Reply Last reply
      • L Offline
        L Offline
        Larry
        wrote on 30 Apr 2022, 12:10 last edited by
        #629

        So.....

        At the store there's a great big "X" painted on the floor near the cash register to tell me where to stand...

        I've seen too many Road Runner movies to fall for THAT one......

        1 Reply Last reply
        • C Offline
          C Offline
          Catseye3
          wrote on 1 May 2022, 19:27 last edited by
          #630

          The next time you do something that makes you feel stupid, just remember that Kim Kardashian played poker wearing mirrored sunglasses.

          Success is measured by your discipline and inner peace. – Mike Ditka

          1 Reply Last reply
          • J Online
            J Online
            jon-nyc
            wrote on 5 May 2022, 15:30 last edited by
            #631

            Studies have shown people eat more bananas than monkeys.

            Come to think of it, I can’t even remember the last time I ate a monkey.

            Only non-witches get due process.

            • Cotton Mather, Salem Massachusetts, 1692
            A 1 Reply Last reply 5 May 2022, 15:47
            • J jon-nyc
              5 May 2022, 15:30

              Studies have shown people eat more bananas than monkeys.

              Come to think of it, I can’t even remember the last time I ate a monkey.

              A Offline
              A Offline
              Aqua's Sister
              wrote on 5 May 2022, 15:47 last edited by
              #632

              @jon-nyc said in So....:

              I can’t even remember the last time I ate a monkey.

              That's not what you told me last week.

              1 Reply Last reply
              • H Offline
                H Offline
                Horace
                wrote on 5 May 2022, 15:47 last edited by
                #633

                racist

                Education is extremely important.

                1 Reply Last reply
                • G Offline
                  G Offline
                  George K
                  wrote on 5 May 2022, 21:01 last edited by
                  #634

                  Screen Shot 2022-05-05 at 4.01.01 PM.png

                  "Now look here, you Baltic gas passer... " - Mik, 6/14/08

                  The saying, "Lite is just one damn thing after another," is a gross understatement. The damn things overlap.

                  1 Reply Last reply
                  • J Online
                    J Online
                    jon-nyc
                    wrote on 6 May 2022, 10:13 last edited by
                    #635

                    Therapist: What would you say to your dad if he were alive today?

                    Me: I’m sorry for cremating you. We honestly thought you were dead.

                    Only non-witches get due process.

                    • Cotton Mather, Salem Massachusetts, 1692
                    1 Reply Last reply
                    • G Offline
                      G Offline
                      George K
                      wrote on 6 May 2022, 11:48 last edited by
                      #636

                      Having sex before going to work makes you feel like a manager.

                      I almost fired my boss today.

                      "Now look here, you Baltic gas passer... " - Mik, 6/14/08

                      The saying, "Lite is just one damn thing after another," is a gross understatement. The damn things overlap.

                      1 Reply Last reply
                      • G Offline
                        G Offline
                        George K
                        wrote on 6 May 2022, 17:47 last edited by
                        #637

                        My wife is a sex object - every time I ask for sex, she objects.

                        "Now look here, you Baltic gas passer... " - Mik, 6/14/08

                        The saying, "Lite is just one damn thing after another," is a gross understatement. The damn things overlap.

                        1 Reply Last reply
                        • J Online
                          J Online
                          jon-nyc
                          wrote on 6 May 2022, 22:24 last edited by
                          #638

                          I asked my wife to polish my medieval battle uniform while I go to the pub.

                          She always said she wanted a night in, shining armour.

                          Only non-witches get due process.

                          • Cotton Mather, Salem Massachusetts, 1692
                          1 Reply Last reply
                          • L Offline
                            L Offline
                            Larry
                            wrote on 7 May 2022, 18:52 last edited by
                            #639

                            So....

                            I've always wondered why mosquitos don't become lawyers.

                            They're already blood sucking parasites, all they need is a briefcase....

                            1 Reply Last reply
                            • L Offline
                              L Offline
                              Larry
                              wrote on 7 May 2022, 18:55 last edited by
                              #640

                              So..,,
                              A farmer"s wife left him after she caught him having sex with one of the horses..

                              It was her worst fucking night mare....

                              1 Reply Last reply
                              • L Offline
                                L Offline
                                Larry
                                wrote on 7 May 2022, 19:00 last edited by
                                #641

                                So....

                                For years I was a circus performer. For my act, I would place a walnut on a table, then take out my Johnson, swing it at the walnut and crack it open.

                                Recently though I've switched to a coconut.

                                My eyesight isn't what it used to be....

                                1 Reply Last reply
                                • L Offline
                                  L Offline
                                  Larry
                                  wrote on 7 May 2022, 19:02 last edited by
                                  #642

                                  So...

                                  My doctor told me I could touch myself any time I wanted to.

                                  Well.... his exact words were "you could have a stroke at any time" but hey.....

                                  1 Reply Last reply
                                  • L Offline
                                    L Offline
                                    Larry
                                    wrote on 7 May 2022, 19:07 last edited by
                                    #643

                                    So....

                                    The worst thing to feel during a prostate exam is two hands on your shoulders....

                                    1 Reply Last reply
                                    • L Offline
                                      L Offline
                                      Larry
                                      wrote on 7 May 2022, 19:10 last edited by
                                      #644

                                      So...

                                      "IT'S A BOY!! IT'S A BOY!!" I yelled, as i made a mental note to never visit Thailand again...

                                      1 Reply Last reply
                                      • J Online
                                        J Online
                                        jon-nyc
                                        wrote on 8 May 2022, 02:00 last edited by
                                        #645

                                        Her: My husband’s been having trouble falling asleep.

                                        Dr: Have you tried telling him about your day?

                                        Only non-witches get due process.

                                        • Cotton Mather, Salem Massachusetts, 1692
                                        1 Reply Last reply
                                        • J Online
                                          J Online
                                          jon-nyc
                                          wrote on 8 May 2022, 13:37 last edited by
                                          #646

                                          My buddy was bragging that his 3D printer could print a gun. But I wasn’t impressed.

                                          I’ve had a Canon printer for years.

                                          Only non-witches get due process.

                                          • Cotton Mather, Salem Massachusetts, 1692
                                          G 1 Reply Last reply 9 May 2022, 22:16
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