So....
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wrote on 16 Apr 2022, 21:33 last edited by
I have a fish that can breakdance! Only for 20 seconds though, and only once.
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wrote on 17 Apr 2022, 18:17 last edited by
A British Jew is waiting in line to be knighted by the Queen. He is to kneel in front of her and recite a sentence in Latin when she taps him on the shoulders with her sword. However, when his turn comes, he panics in the excitement of the moment and forgets the Latin. Then, thinking fast, he recites the only other sentence he knows in a foreign language, which he remembers from the Passover seder:
"Ma nishtana ha layla ha zeh mi kol ha laylot."
Puzzled, Her Majesty turns to her advisor and whispers, "Why is this knight different from all other knights?"
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wrote on 21 Apr 2022, 15:07 last edited by
Sitting here in ER. I don’t want to go into details, let’s just say the “Dyson Ball Cleaner” is a very misleading product name.
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wrote on 22 Apr 2022, 07:54 last edited by
My daughter came out today and told us she identifies as a musical instrument.
I’ve always had suspicions about our Monica.
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wrote on 26 Apr 2022, 13:29 last edited by
What’s the difference between USA and USB?
One connects to your devices and accesses all of your data. The other is a hardware standard.
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wrote on 26 Apr 2022, 21:47 last edited by
I told my Chinese girlfriend last night I wanted 69.
She said “why do you want beef and broccoli now?”
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wrote on 29 Apr 2022, 02:02 last edited by
Did you know pigeons can only have sex once, then they die?
At least the one I fucked.
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wrote on 30 Apr 2022, 12:10 last edited by
So.....
At the store there's a great big "X" painted on the floor near the cash register to tell me where to stand...
I've seen too many Road Runner movies to fall for THAT one......
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wrote on 1 May 2022, 19:27 last edited by
The next time you do something that makes you feel stupid, just remember that Kim Kardashian played poker wearing mirrored sunglasses.
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wrote on 5 May 2022, 15:30 last edited by
Studies have shown people eat more bananas than monkeys.
Come to think of it, I can’t even remember the last time I ate a monkey.
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Studies have shown people eat more bananas than monkeys.
Come to think of it, I can’t even remember the last time I ate a monkey.
wrote on 5 May 2022, 15:47 last edited by -
wrote on 5 May 2022, 15:47 last edited by
racist
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wrote on 5 May 2022, 21:01 last edited by
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wrote on 6 May 2022, 10:13 last edited by
Therapist: What would you say to your dad if he were alive today?
Me: I’m sorry for cremating you. We honestly thought you were dead.
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wrote on 6 May 2022, 11:48 last edited by
Having sex before going to work makes you feel like a manager.
I almost fired my boss today.
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wrote on 6 May 2022, 17:47 last edited by
My wife is a sex object - every time I ask for sex, she objects.
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wrote on 6 May 2022, 22:24 last edited by
I asked my wife to polish my medieval battle uniform while I go to the pub.
She always said she wanted a night in, shining armour.
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wrote on 7 May 2022, 18:52 last edited by
So....
I've always wondered why mosquitos don't become lawyers.
They're already blood sucking parasites, all they need is a briefcase....
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wrote on 7 May 2022, 18:55 last edited by
So..,,
A farmer"s wife left him after she caught him having sex with one of the horses..It was her worst fucking night mare....
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wrote on 7 May 2022, 19:00 last edited by
So....
For years I was a circus performer. For my act, I would place a walnut on a table, then take out my Johnson, swing it at the walnut and crack it open.
Recently though I've switched to a coconut.
My eyesight isn't what it used to be....