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The New Coffee Room

  1. TNCR
  2. General Discussion
  3. So....

So....

Scheduled Pinned Locked Moved General Discussion
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  • L Offline
    L Offline
    Larry
    wrote on 2 Apr 2022, 22:34 last edited by
    #618

    So......

    A cow and three calves are laying in the grass under a tree.

    One of the calves looks at the cow and says "why was I named Sunlight?" The cow says "because when you were born the first thing to happen was a ray of sunlight landed on your head."

    The second calf says "well... why was I named Butterfly?" The cow says "because when you were born the first thing to happen was a butterfly landed on your head."

    The third calf, named Cinder Block, said ",.,,,, Ooooddeeee boooomfph wooooooop...."

    1 Reply Last reply
    • M Offline
      M Offline
      Mik
      wrote on 7 Apr 2022, 13:30 last edited by
      #619

      this is a joke LB posted on FB.


      Two priests decided to go to Hawaii on vacation.

      They were determined to make this a real vacation by not wearing anything that would identify them as clergy.

      As soon as the plane landed, they headed for a store and bought shorts, shirts, sandals, sunglasses, etc.

      The next morning, they went to the beach, dressed in their "tourist" garb. They were sitting on beach chairs, enjoying a drink, the sunshine and the scenery when a "drop dead gorgeous" topless blonde in a thong bikini came walking straight towards them. They couldn't help but stare.

      As the blonde passed them, she smiled and said "good morning, Father, good morning, Father," nodding and addressing each of them individually, then passed on by.

      They were both stunned. How in the world did she know they were priests?

      So the next day, they went back to the store & bought even more

      outrageous outfits. These were so loud you could hear them before you even saw them.

      Once again the two priests settled on the beach in their chairs to enjoy the sunshine. After a while, the same gorgeous topless blonde, wearing a string, taking her sweet time, came walking toward them.

      Again, she nodded at each of them, said "good morning, Father" and started to walk away.

      One of the priests couldn't stand it any longer and said. "Just a minute young lady.

      "Yes?" she replied.

      "We are priests, and proud of it, but I have to know, how in the world did you know we are priests dressed as we are?"

      The blonde turned around and replied, "Father, it's me, Sister Angela!"

      “I am fond of pigs. Dogs look up to us. Cats look down on us. Pigs treat us as equals.” ~Winston S. Churchill

      1 Reply Last reply
      • J Online
        J Online
        jon-nyc
        wrote on 12 Apr 2022, 07:27 last edited by
        #620

        I just got a full tank of gas for $22.

        Granted, it was for my lawnmower but I’m trying to stay positive.

        Only non-witches get due process.

        • Cotton Mather, Salem Massachusetts, 1692
        1 Reply Last reply
        • G Offline
          G Offline
          George K
          wrote on 15 Apr 2022, 21:09 last edited by
          #621

          A woman weightlifter goes to the doctor.

          “I’ve been taking steroids and now I’ve grown a cock!”

          “Anabolic?” asks the doctor.

          “No just the cock!”

          "Now look here, you Baltic gas passer... " - Mik, 6/14/08

          The saying, "Lite is just one damn thing after another," is a gross understatement. The damn things overlap.

          1 Reply Last reply
          • C Offline
            C Offline
            Catseye3
            wrote on 16 Apr 2022, 21:33 last edited by
            #622

            I have a fish that can breakdance! Only for 20 seconds though, and only once.

            Success is measured by your discipline and inner peace. – Mike Ditka

            1 Reply Last reply
            • G Offline
              G Offline
              George K
              wrote on 17 Apr 2022, 18:17 last edited by
              #623

              A British Jew is waiting in line to be knighted by the Queen. He is to kneel in front of her and recite a sentence in Latin when she taps him on the shoulders with her sword. However, when his turn comes, he panics in the excitement of the moment and forgets the Latin. Then, thinking fast, he recites the only other sentence he knows in a foreign language, which he remembers from the Passover seder:

              "Ma nishtana ha layla ha zeh mi kol ha laylot."

              Puzzled, Her Majesty turns to her advisor and whispers, "Why is this knight different from all other knights?"

              "Now look here, you Baltic gas passer... " - Mik, 6/14/08

              The saying, "Lite is just one damn thing after another," is a gross understatement. The damn things overlap.

              1 Reply Last reply
              • J Online
                J Online
                jon-nyc
                wrote on 21 Apr 2022, 15:07 last edited by
                #624

                Sitting here in ER. I don’t want to go into details, let’s just say the “Dyson Ball Cleaner” is a very misleading product name.

                Only non-witches get due process.

                • Cotton Mather, Salem Massachusetts, 1692
                1 Reply Last reply
                • J Online
                  J Online
                  jon-nyc
                  wrote on 22 Apr 2022, 07:54 last edited by
                  #625

                  My daughter came out today and told us she identifies as a musical instrument.

                  I’ve always had suspicions about our Monica.

                  Only non-witches get due process.

                  • Cotton Mather, Salem Massachusetts, 1692
                  1 Reply Last reply
                  • G Offline
                    G Offline
                    George K
                    wrote on 26 Apr 2022, 13:29 last edited by
                    #626

                    What’s the difference between USA and USB?

                    One connects to your devices and accesses all of your data. The other is a hardware standard.

                    "Now look here, you Baltic gas passer... " - Mik, 6/14/08

                    The saying, "Lite is just one damn thing after another," is a gross understatement. The damn things overlap.

                    1 Reply Last reply
                    • J Online
                      J Online
                      jon-nyc
                      wrote on 26 Apr 2022, 21:47 last edited by
                      #627

                      I told my Chinese girlfriend last night I wanted 69.

                      She said “why do you want beef and broccoli now?”

                      Only non-witches get due process.

                      • Cotton Mather, Salem Massachusetts, 1692
                      1 Reply Last reply
                      • J Online
                        J Online
                        jon-nyc
                        wrote on 29 Apr 2022, 02:02 last edited by
                        #628

                        Did you know pigeons can only have sex once, then they die?

                        At least the one I fucked.

                        Only non-witches get due process.

                        • Cotton Mather, Salem Massachusetts, 1692
                        1 Reply Last reply
                        • L Offline
                          L Offline
                          Larry
                          wrote on 30 Apr 2022, 12:10 last edited by
                          #629

                          So.....

                          At the store there's a great big "X" painted on the floor near the cash register to tell me where to stand...

                          I've seen too many Road Runner movies to fall for THAT one......

                          1 Reply Last reply
                          • C Offline
                            C Offline
                            Catseye3
                            wrote on 1 May 2022, 19:27 last edited by
                            #630

                            The next time you do something that makes you feel stupid, just remember that Kim Kardashian played poker wearing mirrored sunglasses.

                            Success is measured by your discipline and inner peace. – Mike Ditka

                            1 Reply Last reply
                            • J Online
                              J Online
                              jon-nyc
                              wrote on 5 May 2022, 15:30 last edited by
                              #631

                              Studies have shown people eat more bananas than monkeys.

                              Come to think of it, I can’t even remember the last time I ate a monkey.

                              Only non-witches get due process.

                              • Cotton Mather, Salem Massachusetts, 1692
                              A 1 Reply Last reply 5 May 2022, 15:47
                              • J jon-nyc
                                5 May 2022, 15:30

                                Studies have shown people eat more bananas than monkeys.

                                Come to think of it, I can’t even remember the last time I ate a monkey.

                                A Offline
                                A Offline
                                Aqua's Sister
                                wrote on 5 May 2022, 15:47 last edited by
                                #632

                                @jon-nyc said in So....:

                                I can’t even remember the last time I ate a monkey.

                                That's not what you told me last week.

                                1 Reply Last reply
                                • H Offline
                                  H Offline
                                  Horace
                                  wrote on 5 May 2022, 15:47 last edited by
                                  #633

                                  racist

                                  Education is extremely important.

                                  1 Reply Last reply
                                  • G Offline
                                    G Offline
                                    George K
                                    wrote on 5 May 2022, 21:01 last edited by
                                    #634

                                    Screen Shot 2022-05-05 at 4.01.01 PM.png

                                    "Now look here, you Baltic gas passer... " - Mik, 6/14/08

                                    The saying, "Lite is just one damn thing after another," is a gross understatement. The damn things overlap.

                                    1 Reply Last reply
                                    • J Online
                                      J Online
                                      jon-nyc
                                      wrote on 6 May 2022, 10:13 last edited by
                                      #635

                                      Therapist: What would you say to your dad if he were alive today?

                                      Me: I’m sorry for cremating you. We honestly thought you were dead.

                                      Only non-witches get due process.

                                      • Cotton Mather, Salem Massachusetts, 1692
                                      1 Reply Last reply
                                      • G Offline
                                        G Offline
                                        George K
                                        wrote on 6 May 2022, 11:48 last edited by
                                        #636

                                        Having sex before going to work makes you feel like a manager.

                                        I almost fired my boss today.

                                        "Now look here, you Baltic gas passer... " - Mik, 6/14/08

                                        The saying, "Lite is just one damn thing after another," is a gross understatement. The damn things overlap.

                                        1 Reply Last reply
                                        • G Offline
                                          G Offline
                                          George K
                                          wrote on 6 May 2022, 17:47 last edited by
                                          #637

                                          My wife is a sex object - every time I ask for sex, she objects.

                                          "Now look here, you Baltic gas passer... " - Mik, 6/14/08

                                          The saying, "Lite is just one damn thing after another," is a gross understatement. The damn things overlap.

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                                          26 Apr 2022, 21:47


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