So....
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wrote on 7 Mar 2022, 03:05 last edited by
What did Cinderella do when she got to the ball?
She gagged.
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wrote on 7 Mar 2022, 21:13 last edited by
So, when they said, "History repeats itself..."
I wasn't expecting the entire 20th century in 2 years.
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wrote on 9 Mar 2022, 12:17 last edited by
Two cowboys are on the edge of a cliff when they hear the sound of war drums. One cowboy looks at the other and says, "I don't like the sound of those war drums." From below they hear someone shout, "He's not our regular drummer!"
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wrote on 9 Mar 2022, 15:02 last edited by
Knock Knock
Who's there
Grandpa
Oh shit! Stop the funeral!!
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wrote on 9 Mar 2022, 15:05 last edited by
My wife's dog died. I wanted to cheer her up so I went out and bought her another one just like it.
She got so mad at me.
"What am I going to do with 2 dead dogs???"
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wrote on 9 Mar 2022, 15:07 last edited by
I went to the doctor.. I pulled out my penis and said "I'm a little premature."
She said "I'll say.... I'm the receptionist..."
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wrote on 9 Mar 2022, 16:26 last edited by Larry 3 Sept 2022, 16:28
I picked this girl up in a bar the other night and we went to a motel. After a few mi tues I said "I'm sorry, but I seem to be having trouble getting an erection."
She said "don't worry about it. That used to happen to me too...."
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wrote on 9 Mar 2022, 16:30 last edited by
I saw some people of the street today holding up a sign saying they were collecting money for Parkinson's research..
They were all shaking cans, which I thought was a bit insensitive...
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wrote on 9 Mar 2022, 16:33 last edited by Larry 3 Sept 2022, 16:34
I was watching a really strange porno movie the other day. 30 minutes of some old guy sitting there wanking off and crying....
Then I noticed I'd forgotten to turn on the tv...
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wrote on 9 Mar 2022, 16:37 last edited by Larry 3 Sept 2022, 16:38
I called the rape advice hotline the other day..
Apparently it's intended for only victims....
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wrote on 9 Mar 2022, 16:42 last edited by
We couldnt decide if we wanted to bury my mother in law or have her cremated...
So in the end we decided to let her live....
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wrote on 9 Mar 2022, 16:48 last edited by
My wife told me the best way to perform oral sex was to spell out the alphabet with my tongue.
I got pretty good at it too..
She left me for some Chinese guy....
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wrote on 9 Mar 2022, 17:04 last edited by
When i was young my mother would say "just look at your messy room!! You'll never get a decent, self respecting girl to come back here.."
Luckily, those weren't the ones I was going for.....
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wrote on 9 Mar 2022, 18:36 last edited by
I’m pretty excited, I just got final confirmation from my loan officer.
I’m closing on a full tank of gas this weekend.
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wrote on 10 Mar 2022, 02:47 last edited by
My wife told me I wasn't romantic enough...
A while ago we were on the couch kissing and she said "what do you say we take this to the bedroom?"
I said "ok... you get that end...."
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wrote on 10 Mar 2022, 02:49 last edited by
Why is it that when women go to the bathroom in pairs no one cares, but when I did it they threw me out of the restaurant?
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wrote on 10 Mar 2022, 02:51 last edited by
I recently lost my thesaurus.
I just can't find the words to describe how upset I am....
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wrote on 10 Mar 2022, 02:57 last edited by
I just finished reading a book on Stockholm Syndrome.
It started out really bad but by the time I got to the end I loved it.....
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wrote on 10 Mar 2022, 15:02 last edited by
I checked Kelly Blue Book to see the value of my car.
It asked me if the tank was empty or full.
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wrote on 11 Mar 2022, 11:32 last edited by
Gas has gotten so expensive, rappers are now drinking it in music videos.