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The New Coffee Room

  1. TNCR
  2. General Discussion
  3. So....

So....

Scheduled Pinned Locked Moved General Discussion
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  • C Offline
    C Offline
    Catseye3
    wrote on 8 Feb 2022, 20:59 last edited by
    #505

    Q. What do you call a bunch of millionaires sitting around a television watching the Super Bowl?

    A. The Cleveland Browns.

    Success is measured by your discipline and inner peace. – Mike Ditka

    G 1 Reply Last reply 8 Feb 2022, 21:00
    • C Catseye3
      8 Feb 2022, 20:59

      Q. What do you call a bunch of millionaires sitting around a television watching the Super Bowl?

      A. The Cleveland Browns.

      G Offline
      G Offline
      George K
      wrote on 8 Feb 2022, 21:00 last edited by
      #506

      @catseye3 said in So....:

      Q. What do you call a bunch of millionaires sitting around a television watching the Super Bowl?

      A. The Cleveland Browns.

      OK, I literally LOL'ed at that one.

      "Now look here, you Baltic gas passer... " - Mik, 6/14/08

      The saying, "Lite is just one damn thing after another," is a gross understatement. The damn things overlap.

      C 1 Reply Last reply 8 Feb 2022, 21:09
      • G George K
        8 Feb 2022, 21:00

        @catseye3 said in So....:

        Q. What do you call a bunch of millionaires sitting around a television watching the Super Bowl?

        A. The Cleveland Browns.

        OK, I literally LOL'ed at that one.

        C Offline
        C Offline
        Catseye3
        wrote on 8 Feb 2022, 21:09 last edited by
        #507

        @george-k said in So....:

        OK, I literally LOL'ed at that one.

        George, you're in danger of losing your football non-fan status.

        Success is measured by your discipline and inner peace. – Mike Ditka

        G 1 Reply Last reply 8 Feb 2022, 21:12
        • C Catseye3
          8 Feb 2022, 21:09

          @george-k said in So....:

          OK, I literally LOL'ed at that one.

          George, you're in danger of losing your football non-fan status.

          G Offline
          G Offline
          George K
          wrote on 8 Feb 2022, 21:12 last edited by
          #508

          @catseye3 said in So....:

          George, you're in danger of losing your football non-fan status.

          D2 lives in Milwaukee. I changed the punchline and emailed it to her, just to piss her off.

          And, the other football joke I know:

          Q: Why doesn't Milwaukee have a professional football team?

          A: Because if they did, Chicago would want one too.

          "Now look here, you Baltic gas passer... " - Mik, 6/14/08

          The saying, "Lite is just one damn thing after another," is a gross understatement. The damn things overlap.

          1 Reply Last reply
          • C Offline
            C Offline
            Catseye3
            wrote on 8 Feb 2022, 21:28 last edited by
            #509

            A first-grade teacher can't believe her student isn't hepped up about the Super Bowl.
            "It's a huge event. Why aren't you excited?"
            "Because I'm not a football fan. My parents love basketball, so I do too," says the student.
            "Well, that's a lousy reason," says the teacher. "What if your parents were morons? What would you be then?"
            "Then I'd be a football fan."

            Success is measured by your discipline and inner peace. – Mike Ditka

            1 Reply Last reply
            • L Offline
              L Offline
              Larry
              wrote on 9 Feb 2022, 02:05 last edited by
              #510

              How can you tell if a fat girl is wearing panty hose?

              If she's wearing them, when she farts her ankles swell.

              1 Reply Last reply
              • G Offline
                G Offline
                George K
                wrote on 13 Feb 2022, 12:48 last edited by
                #511

                An old woman walked up to a saloon in the old west and tied her old mule to the hitching post.

                As she stood there, brushing some of the dust from her face and clothes, a young gunslinger stepped out of the saloon with a gun in one hand and a bottle of whiskey in the other. The young gunslinger looked at the old woman and laughed, “Hey old woman, have you ever danced?”

                The old woman looked up at the gunslinger and said, “No,… I never did dance… never really wanted to.”

                A crowd had gathered as the gunslinger grinned and said “Well, you old bag, you’re gonna dance now,” and started shooting at the old woman’s feet. The old woman prospector — not wanting to get her toe blown off –started hopping around.

                Everybody was laughing. When his last bullet had been fired, the young gunslinger, still laughing, holstered his gun and turned around to go back into the saloon.

                The old woman turned to her pack mule, pulled out a double-barreled shotgun, and cocked both hammers. The loud clicks carried clearly through the desert air, and the crowd stopped laughing immediately.

                The young gunslinger heard the sounds, too, and he turned around very slowly. The silence was almost deafening.
                The crowd watched as the young gunman stared at the old woman and the large gaping holes of those twin barrels. The barrels of the shotgun never wavered in the old woman’s hands, as she quietly said, “Son, have you ever kissed a mule’s ass?”

                The gunslinger swallowed hard and said, “No m’am… but i’ve always wanted to."

                There are five lessons here for all of us:

                1 – Never be arrogant.
                2 – Don’t waste ammunition.
                3 – Whiskey makes you think you’re smarter than you are.
                4 – Always make sure you know who has the power.
                5 – Don’t mess with old women; they didn’t get old by being stupid.

                "Now look here, you Baltic gas passer... " - Mik, 6/14/08

                The saying, "Lite is just one damn thing after another," is a gross understatement. The damn things overlap.

                1 Reply Last reply
                • J Offline
                  J Offline
                  jon-nyc
                  wrote on 13 Feb 2022, 19:56 last edited by
                  #512

                  My favorite childhood memory was building sand castles with grandpa.

                  Until mom came and took the urn away.

                  Only non-witches get due process.

                  • Cotton Mather, Salem Massachusetts, 1692
                  1 Reply Last reply
                  • J Offline
                    J Offline
                    jon-nyc
                    wrote on 14 Feb 2022, 15:20 last edited by
                    #513

                    Beware the scams out there!

                    I ordered jewelry for my wife for Valentines and they sent me a new fishing rod.

                    Only non-witches get due process.

                    • Cotton Mather, Salem Massachusetts, 1692
                    1 Reply Last reply
                    • J Offline
                      J Offline
                      jon-nyc
                      wrote on 15 Feb 2022, 23:22 last edited by
                      #514

                      I’m so unlucky when it comes to love….

                      I asked a blind girl out yesterday and she told me she was seeing somebody.

                      Only non-witches get due process.

                      • Cotton Mather, Salem Massachusetts, 1692
                      1 Reply Last reply
                      • J Offline
                        J Offline
                        jon-nyc
                        wrote on 15 Feb 2022, 23:52 last edited by
                        #515

                        How do you get a gender studies major off your doorstep?

                        Pay for the fucking pizza.

                        Only non-witches get due process.

                        • Cotton Mather, Salem Massachusetts, 1692
                        1 Reply Last reply
                        • G Offline
                          G Offline
                          George K
                          wrote on 16 Feb 2022, 12:18 last edited by
                          #516

                          Did you hear that the US Olympic bobsled team put a picture of Joe Biden on the front of their bobsled?

                          Yeah, they figured nothing can make America go downhill faster.

                          "Now look here, you Baltic gas passer... " - Mik, 6/14/08

                          The saying, "Lite is just one damn thing after another," is a gross understatement. The damn things overlap.

                          1 Reply Last reply
                          • J Offline
                            J Offline
                            jon-nyc
                            wrote on 17 Feb 2022, 04:34 last edited by
                            #517

                            So… I’m currently in a love triangle.

                            I love this girl, she loves nobody, and nobody loves me.

                            Only non-witches get due process.

                            • Cotton Mather, Salem Massachusetts, 1692
                            1 Reply Last reply
                            • J Offline
                              J Offline
                              jon-nyc
                              wrote on 17 Feb 2022, 22:47 last edited by
                              #518

                              I don't really like cocaine, I just love the way it smells.

                              Only non-witches get due process.

                              • Cotton Mather, Salem Massachusetts, 1692
                              1 Reply Last reply
                              • J Offline
                                J Offline
                                jon-nyc
                                wrote on 17 Feb 2022, 22:53 last edited by jon-nyc
                                #519

                                Superman once challenged Chuck Norris to a fight. The loser had wear his underwear over his clothes for the rest of his life.

                                Only non-witches get due process.

                                • Cotton Mather, Salem Massachusetts, 1692
                                1 Reply Last reply
                                • J Offline
                                  J Offline
                                  jon-nyc
                                  wrote on 17 Feb 2022, 23:58 last edited by
                                  #520

                                  I just landed a senior role at Old McDonalds farm.

                                  I’m the CIEIO.

                                  Only non-witches get due process.

                                  • Cotton Mather, Salem Massachusetts, 1692
                                  1 Reply Last reply
                                  • J Offline
                                    J Offline
                                    jon-nyc
                                    wrote on 20 Feb 2022, 09:29 last edited by
                                    #521

                                    What’s the difference between a cult and a religion?

                                    In a cult, there’s a guy at the top who knows it’s all a scam.

                                    In a religion, that guy is dead.

                                    Only non-witches get due process.

                                    • Cotton Mather, Salem Massachusetts, 1692
                                    1 Reply Last reply
                                    • J Offline
                                      J Offline
                                      jon-nyc
                                      wrote on 20 Feb 2022, 15:32 last edited by
                                      #522

                                      During a recent password audit, a blonde woman was discovered to have the password “MickeyMinnieGoofyHueyDeweyLouisDonaldDaffySacramento”

                                      When asked why she said “they said it needed to be eight characters and a capital”.

                                      Only non-witches get due process.

                                      • Cotton Mather, Salem Massachusetts, 1692
                                      A 1 Reply Last reply 20 Feb 2022, 15:40
                                      • J Offline
                                        J Offline
                                        jon-nyc
                                        wrote on 20 Feb 2022, 15:38 last edited by
                                        #523

                                        I called the suicide hotline in Afghanistan.

                                        They got all excited and asked if I knew how to drive a truck.

                                        Only non-witches get due process.

                                        • Cotton Mather, Salem Massachusetts, 1692
                                        1 Reply Last reply
                                        • J jon-nyc
                                          20 Feb 2022, 15:32

                                          During a recent password audit, a blonde woman was discovered to have the password “MickeyMinnieGoofyHueyDeweyLouisDonaldDaffySacramento”

                                          When asked why she said “they said it needed to be eight characters and a capital”.

                                          A Offline
                                          A Offline
                                          Axtremus
                                          wrote on 20 Feb 2022, 15:40 last edited by
                                          #524

                                          @jon-nyc said in So....:

                                          During a recent password audit, a blonde woman was discovered to have the password “MickeyMinnieGoofyHueyDeweyLouisDonaldDaffySacramento”

                                          When asked why she said “they said it needed to be eight characters and a capital”.

                                          The eight characters are fine but Sacramento is too correct.
                                          Perhaps make it Los Angeles or San Francisco or New York City.

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                                          15 Feb 2022, 23:22


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