So....
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Why won’t tampons talk to you?
Because they’re stuck-up cunts.
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Dad: "I named you after my father."
After My Father: "I know."
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I got in touch with my inner self today.
That’s the last time I buy single-ply toilet paper.
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Teens don't know how good they have it with lyrics sites.
We used to have to sing shit wrong for years until the truth destroyed us.
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This dwarf I know wanted to quit his job to become a butcher.
But the steaks were too high.
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Why is fat-shaming people wrong?
They already have a lot on their plate.
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Friends are like giraffes.
If you shoot them, they die.
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What did the farmer say when he lost his tractor?
“Where’s my tractor????”
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In the old west they would mount a lantern on their horse for traveling at night.
It was the first form of saddle light navigation.
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I have a fear of over-engineered buildings.
It’s a complex complex complex.
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Did you see the Origami Championship on TV last night? It was Pay Per View…
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There's no need to tailgate me in the slow lane, especially when I'm going 35mph over the speed limit.
And those flashing lights on top of your car look ridiculous.
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Remember - taking the vegetables off your double bacon cheeseburger reduces the amount of calories consumed.
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G George K referenced this topic on
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Boobs are like train sets. They’re met for kids but dads love them too.
Oh, and you can do more with the bigger sets.
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So…. My girlfriend gave me a blow job on the way over to her parents house.
In hindsight we should have waited until we dropped them off.
