So....
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Officer: “Sir, I hate to bring you this news, but it looks like your wife was hit by a bus”
Husband: “I know, but she takes it up the arse and is good with the kids.”
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A Young guy from North Dakota moves to Florida and goes to a big "everthing under one roof" department store looking for a job. The Manager says, "Do you have any sales experience?"
The kid says "Yeah. I was a vacuum salesman back in North Dakota."
Well, the boss was unsure, but he liked the kid and figured he'd give him a shot, so he gave him the job. "You start tomorrow. I'll come down after we close and see how you did."
His first day on the job was rough, but he got through it. After the store was locked up, the boss came down to the sales floor. "How many customers bought something from you today?"
The kid frowns and looks at the floor and mutters, "One".
The boss says "Just ONE?!! Our sales people average 20 to 30 customers a day. That will have to change, and soon, if you'd like to continue your employment here. We have very strict standards for our sales force here in Florida. One sale a day might have been acceptable in North Dakota, but you're not on the farm anymore, son.”
The kid took his beating, but continued to look at his shoes, so the boss felt kinda bad for chewing him out on his first day. He asked (semi-sarcastically), "So, how much was your one sale for?"
The kid looks up at his boss and says "$101,237.65".
The boss, astonished, says, "$101,237.65? What the heck did you sell?"
The kid says, "Well, first, I sold him some new fish hooks. Then I sold him a new fishing rod to go with his new hooks. The I asked him where he was going fishing and he said down the coast, so I told him he was going to need a boat, so we went down to the boat department and I sold him a twin engine Chris Craft. Then he said he didn't think his Honda Civic would pull it, so i took him down to the automotive department and sold him that 4 x 4 Expedition."
The Boss said, "A guy came in here to buy a fish hook and you sold him a boat and a TRUCK?"
The kid said "No, the guy came in here to buy tampons for his wife, and I said, 'Dude, your weekend's shot, you should go fishing'."
"Now look here, you Baltic gas passer... " - Mik, 6/14/08
The saying, "Lite is just one damn thing after another," is a gross understatement. The damn things overlap.
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A Young guy from North Dakota moves to Florida and goes to a big "everthing under one roof" department store looking for a job. The Manager says, "Do you have any sales experience?"
The kid says "Yeah. I was a vacuum salesman back in North Dakota."
Well, the boss was unsure, but he liked the kid and figured he'd give him a shot, so he gave him the job. "You start tomorrow. I'll come down after we close and see how you did."
His first day on the job was rough, but he got through it. After the store was locked up, the boss came down to the sales floor. "How many customers bought something from you today?"
The kid frowns and looks at the floor and mutters, "One".
The boss says "Just ONE?!! Our sales people average 20 to 30 customers a day. That will have to change, and soon, if you'd like to continue your employment here. We have very strict standards for our sales force here in Florida. One sale a day might have been acceptable in North Dakota, but you're not on the farm anymore, son.”
The kid took his beating, but continued to look at his shoes, so the boss felt kinda bad for chewing him out on his first day. He asked (semi-sarcastically), "So, how much was your one sale for?"
The kid looks up at his boss and says "$101,237.65".
The boss, astonished, says, "$101,237.65? What the heck did you sell?"
The kid says, "Well, first, I sold him some new fish hooks. Then I sold him a new fishing rod to go with his new hooks. The I asked him where he was going fishing and he said down the coast, so I told him he was going to need a boat, so we went down to the boat department and I sold him a twin engine Chris Craft. Then he said he didn't think his Honda Civic would pull it, so i took him down to the automotive department and sold him that 4 x 4 Expedition."
The Boss said, "A guy came in here to buy a fish hook and you sold him a boat and a TRUCK?"
The kid said "No, the guy came in here to buy tampons for his wife, and I said, 'Dude, your weekend's shot, you should go fishing'."
That old dog’s been around for decades…
Me/rry/Christmas
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It’s always something.
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@jon-nyc our anesthesia tech (she maintained the equipment, helped us put in lines, stocked, etc) was a rather colorful gal.
She had a cat that developed some severe mats and had to have them shaved off.
She said, "Wanna see my shaved pussy?"
Anyhow, on a trip to Tennessee, the transmission on her car gave out.
Yeah, she told us that she blew a tranny in Tennessee.
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Ha!
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So…. I spent $350 on a limousine only to find out it didn’t include the cost of the driver.
All that money and nothing to chauffeur it!
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I was having sex with my friend’s wife and her phone rang. I recognized his voice so I started quietly getting dressed. She hung up and said “it’s ok, we have time. He’s out having drinks with you”.
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So…. I had a prostate exam yesterday.
That’s the last time I fall asleep on the train.
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When I win the lottery I’m giving money to Charity.
If she’s not dancing that night I’ll give it to Destiny.
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I once felt like a boy trapped in a girl’s body.
Then I was born.
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Millennials: Walking around like they rent the place.
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There may be no "I" in team, but there's a "U" in suck.
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This morning I accidentally gave my wife a glue stick instead of chap stick.
She still isn't talking to me.
It’s always something.
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