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The New Coffee Room

  1. TNCR
  2. General Discussion
  3. So....

So....

Scheduled Pinned Locked Moved General Discussion
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  • taiwan_girlT Offline
    taiwan_girlT Offline
    taiwan_girl
    wrote on last edited by
    #446

    So, what do you call a physic dwarf escaping the law?

    A small medium at large!! 5555

    1 Reply Last reply
    • jon-nycJ Offline
      jon-nycJ Offline
      jon-nyc
      wrote on last edited by
      #447

      So… I was born a male and identity as male, but according to Stauffer’s Lasagna I’m a family of four.

      Only non-witches get due process.

      • Cotton Mather, Salem Massachusetts, 1692
      1 Reply Last reply
      • George KG Offline
        George KG Offline
        George K
        wrote on last edited by
        #448

        The CDC says it's not omicron unless it comes from the Omicrônne region of France, otherwise it's just sparkling covid.

        "Now look here, you Baltic gas passer... " - Mik, 6/14/08

        The saying, "Lite is just one damn thing after another," is a gross understatement. The damn things overlap.

        1 Reply Last reply
        • jon-nycJ Offline
          jon-nycJ Offline
          jon-nyc
          wrote on last edited by jon-nyc
          #449

          Officer: “Sir, I hate to bring you this news, but it looks like your wife was hit by a bus”

          Husband: “I know, but she takes it up the arse and is good with the kids.”

          Only non-witches get due process.

          • Cotton Mather, Salem Massachusetts, 1692
          1 Reply Last reply
          • George KG Offline
            George KG Offline
            George K
            wrote on last edited by George K
            #450

            A Young guy from North Dakota moves to Florida and goes to a big "everthing under one roof" department store looking for a job. The Manager says, "Do you have any sales experience?"

            The kid says "Yeah. I was a vacuum salesman back in North Dakota."

            Well, the boss was unsure, but he liked the kid and figured he'd give him a shot, so he gave him the job. "You start tomorrow. I'll come down after we close and see how you did."

            His first day on the job was rough, but he got through it. After the store was locked up, the boss came down to the sales floor. "How many customers bought something from you today?"

            The kid frowns and looks at the floor and mutters, "One".

            The boss says "Just ONE?!! Our sales people average 20 to 30 customers a day. That will have to change, and soon, if you'd like to continue your employment here. We have very strict standards for our sales force here in Florida. One sale a day might have been acceptable in North Dakota, but you're not on the farm anymore, son.”

            The kid took his beating, but continued to look at his shoes, so the boss felt kinda bad for chewing him out on his first day. He asked (semi-sarcastically), "So, how much was your one sale for?"

            The kid looks up at his boss and says "$101,237.65".

            The boss, astonished, says, "$101,237.65? What the heck did you sell?"

            The kid says, "Well, first, I sold him some new fish hooks. Then I sold him a new fishing rod to go with his new hooks. The I asked him where he was going fishing and he said down the coast, so I told him he was going to need a boat, so we went down to the boat department and I sold him a twin engine Chris Craft. Then he said he didn't think his Honda Civic would pull it, so i took him down to the automotive department and sold him that 4 x 4 Expedition."

            The Boss said, "A guy came in here to buy a fish hook and you sold him a boat and a TRUCK?"

            The kid said "No, the guy came in here to buy tampons for his wife, and I said, 'Dude, your weekend's shot, you should go fishing'."

            "Now look here, you Baltic gas passer... " - Mik, 6/14/08

            The saying, "Lite is just one damn thing after another," is a gross understatement. The damn things overlap.

            LuFins DadL 1 Reply Last reply
            • George KG Offline
              George KG Offline
              George K
              wrote on last edited by
              #451

              My girlfriend asked me why the letters M, I, L, F, and S were worn off my laptop.

              I told her I really love films.

              "Now look here, you Baltic gas passer... " - Mik, 6/14/08

              The saying, "Lite is just one damn thing after another," is a gross understatement. The damn things overlap.

              1 Reply Last reply
              • George KG George K

                A Young guy from North Dakota moves to Florida and goes to a big "everthing under one roof" department store looking for a job. The Manager says, "Do you have any sales experience?"

                The kid says "Yeah. I was a vacuum salesman back in North Dakota."

                Well, the boss was unsure, but he liked the kid and figured he'd give him a shot, so he gave him the job. "You start tomorrow. I'll come down after we close and see how you did."

                His first day on the job was rough, but he got through it. After the store was locked up, the boss came down to the sales floor. "How many customers bought something from you today?"

                The kid frowns and looks at the floor and mutters, "One".

                The boss says "Just ONE?!! Our sales people average 20 to 30 customers a day. That will have to change, and soon, if you'd like to continue your employment here. We have very strict standards for our sales force here in Florida. One sale a day might have been acceptable in North Dakota, but you're not on the farm anymore, son.”

                The kid took his beating, but continued to look at his shoes, so the boss felt kinda bad for chewing him out on his first day. He asked (semi-sarcastically), "So, how much was your one sale for?"

                The kid looks up at his boss and says "$101,237.65".

                The boss, astonished, says, "$101,237.65? What the heck did you sell?"

                The kid says, "Well, first, I sold him some new fish hooks. Then I sold him a new fishing rod to go with his new hooks. The I asked him where he was going fishing and he said down the coast, so I told him he was going to need a boat, so we went down to the boat department and I sold him a twin engine Chris Craft. Then he said he didn't think his Honda Civic would pull it, so i took him down to the automotive department and sold him that 4 x 4 Expedition."

                The Boss said, "A guy came in here to buy a fish hook and you sold him a boat and a TRUCK?"

                The kid said "No, the guy came in here to buy tampons for his wife, and I said, 'Dude, your weekend's shot, you should go fishing'."

                LuFins DadL Offline
                LuFins DadL Offline
                LuFins Dad
                wrote on last edited by
                #452

                @george-k said in So....:

                A Young guy from North Dakota moves to Florida and goes to a big "everthing under one roof" department store looking for a job. The Manager says, "Do you have any sales experience?"

                The kid says "Yeah. I was a vacuum salesman back in North Dakota."

                Well, the boss was unsure, but he liked the kid and figured he'd give him a shot, so he gave him the job. "You start tomorrow. I'll come down after we close and see how you did."

                His first day on the job was rough, but he got through it. After the store was locked up, the boss came down to the sales floor. "How many customers bought something from you today?"

                The kid frowns and looks at the floor and mutters, "One".

                The boss says "Just ONE?!! Our sales people average 20 to 30 customers a day. That will have to change, and soon, if you'd like to continue your employment here. We have very strict standards for our sales force here in Florida. One sale a day might have been acceptable in North Dakota, but you're not on the farm anymore, son.”

                The kid took his beating, but continued to look at his shoes, so the boss felt kinda bad for chewing him out on his first day. He asked (semi-sarcastically), "So, how much was your one sale for?"

                The kid looks up at his boss and says "$101,237.65".

                The boss, astonished, says, "$101,237.65? What the heck did you sell?"

                The kid says, "Well, first, I sold him some new fish hooks. Then I sold him a new fishing rod to go with his new hooks. The I asked him where he was going fishing and he said down the coast, so I told him he was going to need a boat, so we went down to the boat department and I sold him a twin engine Chris Craft. Then he said he didn't think his Honda Civic would pull it, so i took him down to the automotive department and sold him that 4 x 4 Expedition."

                The Boss said, "A guy came in here to buy a fish hook and you sold him a boat and a TRUCK?"

                The kid said "No, the guy came in here to buy tampons for his wife, and I said, 'Dude, your weekend's shot, you should go fishing'."

                That old dog’s been around for decades…

                The Brad

                George KG 1 Reply Last reply
                • LuFins DadL LuFins Dad

                  @george-k said in So....:

                  A Young guy from North Dakota moves to Florida and goes to a big "everthing under one roof" department store looking for a job. The Manager says, "Do you have any sales experience?"

                  The kid says "Yeah. I was a vacuum salesman back in North Dakota."

                  Well, the boss was unsure, but he liked the kid and figured he'd give him a shot, so he gave him the job. "You start tomorrow. I'll come down after we close and see how you did."

                  His first day on the job was rough, but he got through it. After the store was locked up, the boss came down to the sales floor. "How many customers bought something from you today?"

                  The kid frowns and looks at the floor and mutters, "One".

                  The boss says "Just ONE?!! Our sales people average 20 to 30 customers a day. That will have to change, and soon, if you'd like to continue your employment here. We have very strict standards for our sales force here in Florida. One sale a day might have been acceptable in North Dakota, but you're not on the farm anymore, son.”

                  The kid took his beating, but continued to look at his shoes, so the boss felt kinda bad for chewing him out on his first day. He asked (semi-sarcastically), "So, how much was your one sale for?"

                  The kid looks up at his boss and says "$101,237.65".

                  The boss, astonished, says, "$101,237.65? What the heck did you sell?"

                  The kid says, "Well, first, I sold him some new fish hooks. Then I sold him a new fishing rod to go with his new hooks. The I asked him where he was going fishing and he said down the coast, so I told him he was going to need a boat, so we went down to the boat department and I sold him a twin engine Chris Craft. Then he said he didn't think his Honda Civic would pull it, so i took him down to the automotive department and sold him that 4 x 4 Expedition."

                  The Boss said, "A guy came in here to buy a fish hook and you sold him a boat and a TRUCK?"

                  The kid said "No, the guy came in here to buy tampons for his wife, and I said, 'Dude, your weekend's shot, you should go fishing'."

                  That old dog’s been around for decades…

                  George KG Offline
                  George KG Offline
                  George K
                  wrote on last edited by
                  #453

                  @lufins-dad said in So....:

                  That old dog’s been around for decades…

                  And so have I....

                  "Now look here, you Baltic gas passer... " - Mik, 6/14/08

                  The saying, "Lite is just one damn thing after another," is a gross understatement. The damn things overlap.

                  1 Reply Last reply
                  • jon-nycJ Offline
                    jon-nycJ Offline
                    jon-nyc
                    wrote on last edited by
                    #454

                    2F706335-A68C-407B-BCAB-B94023CC6640.jpeg

                    Only non-witches get due process.

                    • Cotton Mather, Salem Massachusetts, 1692
                    George KG 1 Reply Last reply
                    • jon-nycJ jon-nyc

                      2F706335-A68C-407B-BCAB-B94023CC6640.jpeg

                      George KG Offline
                      George KG Offline
                      George K
                      wrote on last edited by
                      #455

                      @jon-nyc our anesthesia tech (she maintained the equipment, helped us put in lines, stocked, etc) was a rather colorful gal.

                      She had a cat that developed some severe mats and had to have them shaved off.

                      She said, "Wanna see my shaved pussy?"

                      Anyhow, on a trip to Tennessee, the transmission on her car gave out.

                      Yeah, she told us that she blew a tranny in Tennessee.

                      "Now look here, you Baltic gas passer... " - Mik, 6/14/08

                      The saying, "Lite is just one damn thing after another," is a gross understatement. The damn things overlap.

                      1 Reply Last reply
                      • jon-nycJ Offline
                        jon-nycJ Offline
                        jon-nyc
                        wrote on last edited by
                        #456

                        Ha!

                        Only non-witches get due process.

                        • Cotton Mather, Salem Massachusetts, 1692
                        1 Reply Last reply
                        • jon-nycJ Offline
                          jon-nycJ Offline
                          jon-nyc
                          wrote on last edited by
                          #457

                          So…. I spent $350 on a limousine only to find out it didn’t include the cost of the driver.

                          All that money and nothing to chauffeur it!

                          Only non-witches get due process.

                          • Cotton Mather, Salem Massachusetts, 1692
                          1 Reply Last reply
                          • jon-nycJ Offline
                            jon-nycJ Offline
                            jon-nyc
                            wrote on last edited by
                            #458

                            I was having sex with my friend’s wife and her phone rang. I recognized his voice so I started quietly getting dressed. She hung up and said “it’s ok, we have time. He’s out having drinks with you”.

                            Only non-witches get due process.

                            • Cotton Mather, Salem Massachusetts, 1692
                            1 Reply Last reply
                            • jon-nycJ Offline
                              jon-nycJ Offline
                              jon-nyc
                              wrote on last edited by
                              #459

                              So…. I had a prostate exam yesterday.

                              That’s the last time I fall asleep on the train.

                              Only non-witches get due process.

                              • Cotton Mather, Salem Massachusetts, 1692
                              1 Reply Last reply
                              • George KG Offline
                                George KG Offline
                                George K
                                wrote on last edited by
                                #460

                                A German got pulled over by the police in France.

                                Police officer: “Name?”

                                German: “Heinrich Klimt”

                                Police officer: “Age?”

                                German: “31”

                                Police officer: “occupation?”

                                German: “No, no. Just visiting”

                                "Now look here, you Baltic gas passer... " - Mik, 6/14/08

                                The saying, "Lite is just one damn thing after another," is a gross understatement. The damn things overlap.

                                1 Reply Last reply
                                • jon-nycJ Offline
                                  jon-nycJ Offline
                                  jon-nyc
                                  wrote on last edited by
                                  #461

                                  When I win the lottery I’m giving money to Charity.

                                  If she’s not dancing that night I’ll give it to Destiny.

                                  Only non-witches get due process.

                                  • Cotton Mather, Salem Massachusetts, 1692
                                  1 Reply Last reply
                                  • jon-nycJ Offline
                                    jon-nycJ Offline
                                    jon-nyc
                                    wrote on last edited by
                                    #462

                                    I once felt like a boy trapped in a girl’s body.

                                    Then I was born.

                                    Only non-witches get due process.

                                    • Cotton Mather, Salem Massachusetts, 1692
                                    1 Reply Last reply
                                    • jon-nycJ Offline
                                      jon-nycJ Offline
                                      jon-nyc
                                      wrote on last edited by
                                      #463

                                      Millennials: Walking around like they rent the place.

                                      Only non-witches get due process.

                                      • Cotton Mather, Salem Massachusetts, 1692
                                      1 Reply Last reply
                                      • jon-nycJ Offline
                                        jon-nycJ Offline
                                        jon-nyc
                                        wrote on last edited by
                                        #464

                                        There may be no "I" in team, but there's a "U" in suck.

                                        Only non-witches get due process.

                                        • Cotton Mather, Salem Massachusetts, 1692
                                        1 Reply Last reply
                                        • jon-nycJ Offline
                                          jon-nycJ Offline
                                          jon-nyc
                                          wrote on last edited by jon-nyc
                                          #465

                                          This morning I accidentally gave my wife a glue stick instead of chap stick.

                                          She still isn't talking to me.

                                          Only non-witches get due process.

                                          • Cotton Mather, Salem Massachusetts, 1692
                                          LarryL 1 Reply Last reply
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