So....
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wrote on 18 Dec 2020, 22:33 last edited by
I bought a new porn DVD today and all I could see was a dark image of a fat guy holding his dong.
Then I realized the TV wasn't on.
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wrote on 18 Dec 2020, 23:20 last edited by
I went to a child psychologist.
He was 7 years old......
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wrote on 21 Dec 2020, 11:47 last edited by jon-nyc
The car salesman told me “this car will hold five people without any problems”.
I said, “Where the hell am I going to find five people without any problems.”
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wrote on 21 Dec 2020, 19:21 last edited by
Go to the animal shelter to get a dog and you're a saint.
But go to the women's shelter for a new girlfriend and everybody loses their mind.
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Go to the animal shelter to get a dog and you're a saint.
But go to the women's shelter for a new girlfriend and everybody loses their mind.
wrote on 21 Dec 2020, 20:49 last edited by -
Go to the animal shelter to get a dog and you're a saint.
But go to the women's shelter for a new girlfriend and everybody loses their mind.
wrote on 21 Dec 2020, 20:49 last edited by -
wrote on 21 Dec 2020, 21:45 last edited by
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wrote on 23 Dec 2020, 02:11 last edited by
Officer: What’s that in the bottle?
Me: Oh that’s just water.
Officer: No it isn’t, it’s wine.
Me: OMG. Jesus did it again!
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wrote on 23 Dec 2020, 15:59 last edited by
So...
Housewarming parties are the number one cause of homelessness... in the Eskimo community..
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wrote on 23 Dec 2020, 16:19 last edited by brenda
@lufins-dad said in So....:
Go to the animal shelter to get a dog and you're a saint.
But go to the women's shelter for a new girlfriend and everybody loses their mind.
Stolen
Well, that didn't take long for you to find the right occasion.
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wrote on 25 Dec 2020, 19:33 last edited by
So.. how do you tell if a computer programmer is an introvert or an extrovert?
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If he's an introvert he stares at his shoes.
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If he's an extrovert, he stairs at YOUR shoes..,., -
wrote on 27 Dec 2020, 01:23 last edited by
So .... On January 1st, 12:00:01 a.m, for the first time ever, hindsight will in fact be 2020.
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wrote on 29 Dec 2020, 02:18 last edited by
So... I’m sitting in ER. Don’t really want to share too many details but let’s just say the “Dyson Ball Cleaner” is a very misleading name.
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wrote on 29 Dec 2020, 22:15 last edited by
So.. i accidentally sprayed deoderant in my mouth...
Now I have a strange Axe scent....
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wrote on 29 Dec 2020, 22:16 last edited by
Never buy flowers from a monk.
Remember - only YOU can prevent florist friars....
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wrote on 29 Dec 2020, 22:23 last edited by
My wife: have you heard of Murphy's Law?
Me: yes.
Wife: what is it?
Me: if something can go wrong, it will.Wife: have you heard of Cole's Law?
Me: No. What is It?
Wife: Thinly sliced cabbage... -
wrote on 30 Dec 2020, 06:22 last edited by
Remember the guy named Ice Cube?
I don't want to say he's getting older, but hes now known as Warm Water...
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wrote on 31 Dec 2020, 22:48 last edited by
Rules for a successful marriage:
The couple had an outstandingly happy and successful marriage. The husband was once asked to what he attributed this remarkable situation.
"It's simple," he said. "Division of labor. My wife makes all the small, routine decisions. She decides what house we buy, where we go on vacation, whether the kids go to private schools, if I should change my job, and so on."
"And you?"
"I make the big, fundamental decisions. I decide if the United States should declare war on China, if Congress should appropriate money for a manned expedition to Mars, and so on."
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wrote on 1 Jan 2021, 01:53 last edited by
My wife and I play this fun game during quarantine, it’s called “Why are you doing it that way?” and there are no winners.
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wrote on 1 Jan 2021, 15:50 last edited by
So... I baked some synonym buns today.
Just like the ones grammar used to make.