So....
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My cousin quit his job at the erectile dysfunction clinic.
He said he hadn't had a raise in years...
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Husband: My but you’re beautiful
Waitress: why thank you sir.
Wife: Why don’t you tell her about your erectile dysfunction, Jim?
Husband: Of course, where are my manners? Allow me to introduce my erectile dysfunction, her name is Margaret.
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Her: You never listen to me. You only hear what you want to hear.
Me: Sure, I’ll have a beer.
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When I’m with my Spanish speaking friends I like to say “mucho”.
It means a lot to them.
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I used to have a masturbation addiction but I had to stop.
It was getting out of hand...
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I do my best thinking after sex...
I came to realize.
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I bought a new porn DVD today and all I could see was a dark image of a fat guy holding his dong.
Then I realized the TV wasn't on.
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I went to a child psychologist.
He was 7 years old......
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The car salesman told me “this car will hold five people without any problems”.
I said, “Where the hell am I going to find five people without any problems.”
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Go to the animal shelter to get a dog and you're a saint.
But go to the women's shelter for a new girlfriend and everybody loses their mind.
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Officer: What’s that in the bottle?
Me: Oh that’s just water.
Officer: No it isn’t, it’s wine.
Me: OMG. Jesus did it again!
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So...
Housewarming parties are the number one cause of homelessness... in the Eskimo community..
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@lufins-dad said in So....:
Go to the animal shelter to get a dog and you're a saint.
But go to the women's shelter for a new girlfriend and everybody loses their mind.
Stolen
Well, that didn't take long for you to find the right occasion.
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So.. how do you tell if a computer programmer is an introvert or an extrovert?
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If he's an introvert he stares at his shoes.
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If he's an extrovert, he stairs at YOUR shoes..,., -
So .... On January 1st, 12:00:01 a.m, for the first time ever, hindsight will in fact be 2020.
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So... I’m sitting in ER. Don’t really want to share too many details but let’s just say the “Dyson Ball Cleaner” is a very misleading name.
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So.. i accidentally sprayed deoderant in my mouth...
Now I have a strange Axe scent....
221/981