So....

[xenon]

I do my best thinking after sex...

I came to realize.

[jon-nyc]

I bought a new porn DVD today and all I could see was a dark image of a fat guy holding his dong.

Then I realized the TV wasn't on.

[Larry]

I went to a child psychologist.

He was 7 years old......

[jon-nyc]

The car salesman told me “this car will hold five people without any problems”.

I said, “Where the hell am I going to find five people without any problems.”

[jon-nyc]

Go to the animal shelter to get a dog and you're a saint.

But go to the women's shelter for a new girlfriend and everybody loses their mind.

[LuFins Dad]

@jon-nyc said in So....:

Go to the animal shelter to get a dog and you're a saint.

But go to the women's shelter for a new girlfriend and everybody loses their mind.

Nice... Saving that one for the right occasion...

[LuFins Dad]

@jon-nyc said in So....:

Go to the animal shelter to get a dog and you're a saint.

But go to the women's shelter for a new girlfriend and everybody loses their mind.

Stolen

[George K]

@lufins-dad said in So....:

Stolen

Again....

[jon-nyc]

Officer: What’s that in the bottle?

Me: Oh that’s just water.

Officer: No it isn’t, it’s wine.

Me: OMG. Jesus did it again!

[Larry]

So...

Housewarming parties are the number one cause of homelessness... in the Eskimo community..

[brenda]

@lufins-dad said in So....:

@jon-nyc said in So....:

Go to the animal shelter to get a dog and you're a saint.

But go to the women's shelter for a new girlfriend and everybody loses their mind.

Stolen

Well, that didn't take long for you to find the right occasion.

[Larry]

So.. how do you tell if a computer programmer is an introvert or an extrovert?
.
.
If he's an introvert he stares at his shoes.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
If he's an extrovert, he stairs at YOUR shoes..,.,

[jon-nyc]

So .... On January 1st, 12:00:01 a.m, for the first time ever, hindsight will in fact be 2020.

[jon-nyc]

So... I’m sitting in ER. Don’t really want to share too many details but let’s just say the “Dyson Ball Cleaner” is a very misleading name.

[Larry]

So.. i accidentally sprayed deoderant in my mouth...

Now I have a strange Axe scent....

[Larry]

Never buy flowers from a monk.

Remember - only YOU can prevent florist friars....

[Larry]

My wife: have you heard of Murphy's Law?
Me: yes.
Wife: what is it?
Me: if something can go wrong, it will.

Wife: have you heard of Cole's Law?
Me: No. What is It?
Wife: Thinly sliced cabbage...

[Larry]

Remember the guy named Ice Cube?

I don't want to say he's getting older, but hes now known as Warm Water...

[George K]

Rules for a successful marriage:

The couple had an outstandingly happy and successful marriage. The husband was once asked to what he attributed this remarkable situation.

"It's simple," he said. "Division of labor. My wife makes all the small, routine decisions. She decides what house we buy, where we go on vacation, whether the kids go to private schools, if I should change my job, and so on."

"And you?"

"I make the big, fundamental decisions. I decide if the United States should declare war on China, if Congress should appropriate money for a manned expedition to Mars, and so on."

[jon-nyc]

My wife and I play this fun game during quarantine, it’s called “Why are you doing it that way?” and there are no winners.