So....

[jon-nyc]

Her: You never listen to me. You only hear what you want to hear.

Me: Sure, I’ll have a beer.

[jon-nyc]

When I’m with my Spanish speaking friends I like to say “mucho”.

It means a lot to them.

[Larry]

I used to have a masturbation addiction but I had to stop.

It was getting out of hand...

[xenon]

I do my best thinking after sex...

I came to realize.

[jon-nyc]

I bought a new porn DVD today and all I could see was a dark image of a fat guy holding his dong.

Then I realized the TV wasn't on.

[Larry]

I went to a child psychologist.

He was 7 years old......

[jon-nyc]

The car salesman told me “this car will hold five people without any problems”.

I said, “Where the hell am I going to find five people without any problems.”

[jon-nyc]

Go to the animal shelter to get a dog and you're a saint.

But go to the women's shelter for a new girlfriend and everybody loses their mind.

[LuFins Dad]

@jon-nyc said in So....:

Go to the animal shelter to get a dog and you're a saint.

But go to the women's shelter for a new girlfriend and everybody loses their mind.

Nice... Saving that one for the right occasion...

[LuFins Dad]

@jon-nyc said in So....:

Go to the animal shelter to get a dog and you're a saint.

But go to the women's shelter for a new girlfriend and everybody loses their mind.

Stolen

[George K]

@lufins-dad said in So....:

Stolen

Again....

[jon-nyc]

Officer: What’s that in the bottle?

Me: Oh that’s just water.

Officer: No it isn’t, it’s wine.

Me: OMG. Jesus did it again!

[Larry]

So...

Housewarming parties are the number one cause of homelessness... in the Eskimo community..

[brenda]

@lufins-dad said in So....:

@jon-nyc said in So....:

Go to the animal shelter to get a dog and you're a saint.

But go to the women's shelter for a new girlfriend and everybody loses their mind.

Stolen

Well, that didn't take long for you to find the right occasion.

[Larry]

So.. how do you tell if a computer programmer is an introvert or an extrovert?
.
.
If he's an introvert he stares at his shoes.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
If he's an extrovert, he stairs at YOUR shoes..,.,

[jon-nyc]

So .... On January 1st, 12:00:01 a.m, for the first time ever, hindsight will in fact be 2020.

[jon-nyc]

So... I’m sitting in ER. Don’t really want to share too many details but let’s just say the “Dyson Ball Cleaner” is a very misleading name.

[Larry]

So.. i accidentally sprayed deoderant in my mouth...

Now I have a strange Axe scent....

[Larry]

Never buy flowers from a monk.

Remember - only YOU can prevent florist friars....

[Larry]

My wife: have you heard of Murphy's Law?
Me: yes.
Wife: what is it?
Me: if something can go wrong, it will.

Wife: have you heard of Cole's Law?
Me: No. What is It?
Wife: Thinly sliced cabbage...