So....

[jon-nyc]

God said unto John, “Come forth, and you shall receive eternal life.”

But John came in fifth and won a toaster.

[Larry]

So... times are A little hard right now so I will be selling nude photos of myself to make some extra money.

5 dollars each if you want one.

25 dollars if you don't...

[jon-nyc]

What’s the best thing about Switzerland?

I don’t know, but their flag is a big plus.

[Klaus]

@jon-nyc said in So....:

What’s the best thing about Switzerland?

I don’t know, but their flag is a big plus.

Does this website look familiar to you?

[jon-nyc]

Ha. No.

[Klaus]

Well, both of the jokes you posted today are from the top three jokes on this site.

[Doctor Phibes]

What are the odds that two completely independent sources would post such shit jokes?

[jon-nyc]

A have real problems with speed bumps.

But I’ve been getting over them slowly.

[jon-nyc]

I got a new blindfold.

But I couldn’t see myself wearing it.

[Larry]

@Doctor-Phibes said in So....:

What are the odds that two completely independent sources would post such shit jokes?

England has a new missile they named Civil Servant.

It doesn't work and nobody can fire it.

[George K]

In Texas there is a town called New Braunfels, where there is a large German-speaking population.

One day, a local rancher driving down a country road noticed a man using his hand to drink water from the rancher's stock pond.

The rancher rolled down the window and shouted: "Sehr angenehm! Trink das Wasser nicht. Die kuehe haben darein geschissen."

This means: “Glad to meet you! Don't drink the water. The cows have sh*t in it."

The man shouted back: "I'm from New York and just down here campaigning for Joe Biden. I can't understand you. Please speak in English."

The rancher replied: "Use both hands."

[xenon]

If I had a dollar for every girl that found me unattractive, girls would find me attractive.

[George K]

@xenon

[jon-nyc]

Sometimes at parties I walk up to people I don’t know, look them in the eye, and say “I just want you to know that I personally have no problem with you being here.”

[jon-nyc]

Two rednecks were sitting on their porch, shooting the breeze, when a big flatbed went by with a full load of sod on it.

“I’m gonna do that once I win the lottery, Cletus."

“Do what, Jim?”

“Send my lawn out to get mowed.”

[Larry]

Hahahahaha

[George K]

@jon-nyc

[Larry]

So.... I saw a sign at a farm today that said "duck, eggs".

I was contemplating the use of a comma when it hit me.....

[George K]

@Larry said in So....:

So.... I saw a sign at a farm today that said "duck, eggs".

I was contemplating the use of a comma when it hit me.....

Someone had to...

I guess the yolk was on you, eh?

[Larry]

So....

Bubba was driving down the road drinking a beer when he spotted a police roadblock up ahead. He thought "oh crap, if I get caught with an open beer I'll be in a lot of trouble."

Suddenly his eyes lit up, and he pulled off to the side of the road, finished drinking the beer, then peeled the label off the bottle and stuck it to his forehead, threw the bottle under his seat, and drove on up to the roadblock.

A police officer looked at him and said "have you been drinking?"

Bubba pointed to his forehead and said "nope! I'm on the patch......"