So....

[Larry]

So.. I asked my wife why brides at weddings were always dressed in white.

She said "Because she's happy. It's the happiest day of her life."

So I said "is that why the groom is always dressed in black?"

[Larry]

I got so pissed off at my car's GPS system the other day that I yelled at it and told it to go to hell

2 hours later I pulled up in front of my mother in law's house....

[jon-nyc]

God said unto John, “Come forth, and you shall receive eternal life.”

But John came in fifth and won a toaster.

[Larry]

So... times are A little hard right now so I will be selling nude photos of myself to make some extra money.

5 dollars each if you want one.

25 dollars if you don't...

[jon-nyc]

What’s the best thing about Switzerland?

I don’t know, but their flag is a big plus.

[Klaus]

@jon-nyc said in So....:

What’s the best thing about Switzerland?

I don’t know, but their flag is a big plus.

Does this website look familiar to you?

[jon-nyc]

Ha. No.

[Klaus]

Well, both of the jokes you posted today are from the top three jokes on this site.

[Doctor Phibes]

What are the odds that two completely independent sources would post such shit jokes?

[jon-nyc]

A have real problems with speed bumps.

But I’ve been getting over them slowly.

[jon-nyc]

I got a new blindfold.

But I couldn’t see myself wearing it.

[Larry]

@Doctor-Phibes said in So....:

What are the odds that two completely independent sources would post such shit jokes?

England has a new missile they named Civil Servant.

It doesn't work and nobody can fire it.

[George K]

In Texas there is a town called New Braunfels, where there is a large German-speaking population.

One day, a local rancher driving down a country road noticed a man using his hand to drink water from the rancher's stock pond.

The rancher rolled down the window and shouted: "Sehr angenehm! Trink das Wasser nicht. Die kuehe haben darein geschissen."

This means: “Glad to meet you! Don't drink the water. The cows have sh*t in it."

The man shouted back: "I'm from New York and just down here campaigning for Joe Biden. I can't understand you. Please speak in English."

The rancher replied: "Use both hands."

[xenon]

If I had a dollar for every girl that found me unattractive, girls would find me attractive.

[George K]

@xenon

[jon-nyc]

Sometimes at parties I walk up to people I don’t know, look them in the eye, and say “I just want you to know that I personally have no problem with you being here.”

[jon-nyc]

Two rednecks were sitting on their porch, shooting the breeze, when a big flatbed went by with a full load of sod on it.

“I’m gonna do that once I win the lottery, Cletus."

“Do what, Jim?”

“Send my lawn out to get mowed.”

[Larry]

Hahahahaha

[George K]

@jon-nyc

[Larry]

So.... I saw a sign at a farm today that said "duck, eggs".

I was contemplating the use of a comma when it hit me.....