So....
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wrote on 21 Sept 2020, 16:56 last edited by
"Mr. Smith, I'm calling to tell you that your wife is in the hospital. I'm sorry, but she's critical."
"Damn... what's she complaining about this time?"....
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wrote on 21 Sept 2020, 17:00 last edited by
"My wife and I had a huge fight the other night, but in the end she came crawling to me on her hands and knees."
"Wow.. that's impressive! What did she say?"
"Get out from under that bed, you cowardly son of a bitch!".....
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wrote on 21 Sept 2020, 17:02 last edited by
So.. I asked my wife why brides at weddings were always dressed in white.
She said "Because she's happy. It's the happiest day of her life."
So I said "is that why the groom is always dressed in black?"
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wrote on 21 Sept 2020, 17:05 last edited by
I got so pissed off at my car's GPS system the other day that I yelled at it and told it to go to hell
2 hours later I pulled up in front of my mother in law's house....
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wrote on 24 Sept 2020, 10:54 last edited by
God said unto John, “Come forth, and you shall receive eternal life.”
But John came in fifth and won a toaster.
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wrote on 24 Sept 2020, 17:57 last edited by
So... times are A little hard right now so I will be selling nude photos of myself to make some extra money.
5 dollars each if you want one.
25 dollars if you don't...
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wrote on 24 Sept 2020, 18:38 last edited by
What’s the best thing about Switzerland?
I don’t know, but their flag is a big plus.
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wrote on 24 Sept 2020, 19:41 last edited by
What’s the best thing about Switzerland?
I don’t know, but their flag is a big plus.
Does this website look familiar to you?
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wrote on 24 Sept 2020, 20:30 last edited by
Ha. No.
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wrote on 24 Sept 2020, 20:31 last edited by
Well, both of the jokes you posted today are from the top three jokes on this site.
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wrote on 24 Sept 2020, 20:46 last edited by
What are the odds that two completely independent sources would post such shit jokes?
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wrote on 26 Sept 2020, 20:39 last edited by
A have real problems with speed bumps.
But I’ve been getting over them slowly.
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wrote on 26 Sept 2020, 20:41 last edited by
I got a new blindfold.
But I couldn’t see myself wearing it.
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What are the odds that two completely independent sources would post such shit jokes?
wrote on 26 Sept 2020, 22:25 last edited by@Doctor-Phibes said in So....:
What are the odds that two completely independent sources would post such shit jokes?
England has a new missile they named Civil Servant.
It doesn't work and nobody can fire it.
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wrote on 27 Sept 2020, 11:55 last edited by
In Texas there is a town called New Braunfels, where there is a large German-speaking population.
One day, a local rancher driving down a country road noticed a man using his hand to drink water from the rancher's stock pond.
The rancher rolled down the window and shouted: "Sehr angenehm! Trink das Wasser nicht. Die kuehe haben darein geschissen."
This means: “Glad to meet you! Don't drink the water. The cows have sh*t in it."
The man shouted back: "I'm from New York and just down here campaigning for Joe Biden. I can't understand you. Please speak in English."
The rancher replied: "Use both hands."
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wrote on 7 Oct 2020, 21:22 last edited by xenon 10 Jul 2020, 21:22
If I had a dollar for every girl that found me unattractive, girls would find me attractive.
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If I had a dollar for every girl that found me unattractive, girls would find me attractive.
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wrote on 7 Oct 2020, 22:43 last edited by
Sometimes at parties I walk up to people I don’t know, look them in the eye, and say “I just want you to know that I personally have no problem with you being here.”
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wrote on 8 Oct 2020, 20:38 last edited by jon-nyc 10 Aug 2020, 21:23
Two rednecks were sitting on their porch, shooting the breeze, when a big flatbed went by with a full load of sod on it.
“I’m gonna do that once I win the lottery, Cletus."
“Do what, Jim?”
“Send my lawn out to get mowed.”
"You never know what worse luck your bad luck has saved you from."
-Cormac McCarthy -
wrote on 8 Oct 2020, 21:20 last edited by
Hahahahaha
