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The New Coffee Room

  1. TNCR
  2. General Discussion
  3. So....

So....

Scheduled Pinned Locked Moved General Discussion
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  • George KG Offline
    George KG Offline
    George K
    wrote on last edited by
    #136

    A man walked out to the street and caught a taxi just going by. He got into the taxi, and the cabbie said, “Perfect timing. You're just like Frank.”

    Passenger: “Who?”

    Cabbie: “Frank Feldman. He was a guy who did everything right all the time. Like my coming along when you needed a cab. Things happened like that to Frank Feldman every single time.”

    Passenger: “There are always a few clouds over everybody.”

    Cabbie: “Not Frank Feldman. He was a terrific athlete. He could have won the Grand-Slam at tennis. He could golf with the pros. He sang like an opera baritone and danced like a Broadway star and you should have heard him play the piano. He was an amazing guy.”

    Passenger: “Sounds like he was something really special.”

    Cabbie: “There's more. He had a memory like a computer. He remembered everybody's birthday. He knew all about wine, which foods to order and which fork to eat them with. He could fix anything. And, he never, ever forgot to put the seat down. He wasn't like me,” he continued. “I change a fuse, and the whole street blacks out. But Frank Feldman could do everything right.”

    Passenger: “Wow, some guy, then.”

    Cabbie: “He always knew the quickest way to go in traffic and avoid traffic jams. Not like me, I always seem to get stuck in them. But Frank, he never made a mistake, and he really knew how to treat a woman and make her feel good. He would never answer her back even if she was in the wrong; and his clothing was always immaculate, shoes highly polished too. He was the perfect man! He never made a mistake. No one could ever measure up to Frank Feldman.”

    Passenger: “An amazing fellow. How did you meet him?”

    Cabbie: “Well, I never actually met Frank. He died and I made the mistake of marrying his widow.”

    "Now look here, you Baltic gas passer... " - Mik, 6/14/08

    The saying, "Lite is just one damn thing after another," is a gross understatement. The damn things overlap.

    1 Reply Last reply
    • LarryL Offline
      LarryL Offline
      Larry
      wrote on last edited by
      #137

      So.. today, Joe Biden said "If you thought the Republican convention was exciting, just wait until we have ours!"

      1 Reply Last reply
      • LarryL Offline
        LarryL Offline
        Larry
        wrote on last edited by
        #138

        So... I tried to remarry my ex wife once..

        But she figured out that I was only after my money....

        1 Reply Last reply
        • LarryL Offline
          LarryL Offline
          Larry
          wrote on last edited by
          #139

          What do you get a man who has everything?

          A woman.

          She'll tell him how everything works....

          1 Reply Last reply
          • LarryL Offline
            LarryL Offline
            Larry
            wrote on last edited by
            #140

            My wife told me she needed more space.

            So... I locked her out of the house...

            1 Reply Last reply
            • LarryL Offline
              LarryL Offline
              Larry
              wrote on last edited by
              #141

              THE THREE UNWRITTEN RULES ABOUT MARRIAGE:

              1 Reply Last reply
              • LarryL Offline
                LarryL Offline
                Larry
                wrote on last edited by
                #142

                "Mr. Smith, I'm calling to tell you that your wife is in the hospital. I'm sorry, but she's critical."

                "Damn... what's she complaining about this time?"....

                1 Reply Last reply
                • LarryL Offline
                  LarryL Offline
                  Larry
                  wrote on last edited by
                  #143

                  "My wife and I had a huge fight the other night, but in the end she came crawling to me on her hands and knees."

                  "Wow.. that's impressive! What did she say?"

                  "Get out from under that bed, you cowardly son of a bitch!".....

                  1 Reply Last reply
                  • LarryL Offline
                    LarryL Offline
                    Larry
                    wrote on last edited by
                    #144

                    So.. I asked my wife why brides at weddings were always dressed in white.

                    She said "Because she's happy. It's the happiest day of her life."

                    So I said "is that why the groom is always dressed in black?"

                    1 Reply Last reply
                    • LarryL Offline
                      LarryL Offline
                      Larry
                      wrote on last edited by
                      #145

                      I got so pissed off at my car's GPS system the other day that I yelled at it and told it to go to hell

                      2 hours later I pulled up in front of my mother in law's house....

                      1 Reply Last reply
                      • jon-nycJ Offline
                        jon-nycJ Offline
                        jon-nyc
                        wrote on last edited by
                        #146

                        God said unto John, “Come forth, and you shall receive eternal life.”

                        But John came in fifth and won a toaster.

                        Only non-witches get due process.

                        • Cotton Mather, Salem Massachusetts, 1692
                        1 Reply Last reply
                        • LarryL Offline
                          LarryL Offline
                          Larry
                          wrote on last edited by
                          #147

                          So... times are A little hard right now so I will be selling nude photos of myself to make some extra money.

                          5 dollars each if you want one.

                          25 dollars if you don't...

                          1 Reply Last reply
                          • jon-nycJ Offline
                            jon-nycJ Offline
                            jon-nyc
                            wrote on last edited by
                            #148

                            What’s the best thing about Switzerland?

                            I don’t know, but their flag is a big plus.

                            Only non-witches get due process.

                            • Cotton Mather, Salem Massachusetts, 1692
                            KlausK 1 Reply Last reply
                            • jon-nycJ jon-nyc

                              What’s the best thing about Switzerland?

                              I don’t know, but their flag is a big plus.

                              KlausK Offline
                              KlausK Offline
                              Klaus
                              wrote on last edited by
                              #149

                              @jon-nyc said in So....:

                              What’s the best thing about Switzerland?

                              I don’t know, but their flag is a big plus.

                              Does this website look familiar to you?

                              1 Reply Last reply
                              • jon-nycJ Offline
                                jon-nycJ Offline
                                jon-nyc
                                wrote on last edited by
                                #150

                                Ha. No.

                                Only non-witches get due process.

                                • Cotton Mather, Salem Massachusetts, 1692
                                1 Reply Last reply
                                • KlausK Offline
                                  KlausK Offline
                                  Klaus
                                  wrote on last edited by
                                  #151

                                  Well, both of the jokes you posted today are from the top three jokes on this site.

                                  1 Reply Last reply
                                  • Doctor PhibesD Offline
                                    Doctor PhibesD Offline
                                    Doctor Phibes
                                    wrote on last edited by
                                    #152

                                    What are the odds that two completely independent sources would post such shit jokes?

                                    I was only joking

                                    LarryL 1 Reply Last reply
                                    • jon-nycJ Offline
                                      jon-nycJ Offline
                                      jon-nyc
                                      wrote on last edited by
                                      #153

                                      A have real problems with speed bumps.

                                      But I’ve been getting over them slowly.

                                      Only non-witches get due process.

                                      • Cotton Mather, Salem Massachusetts, 1692
                                      1 Reply Last reply
                                      • jon-nycJ Offline
                                        jon-nycJ Offline
                                        jon-nyc
                                        wrote on last edited by
                                        #154

                                        I got a new blindfold.

                                        But I couldn’t see myself wearing it.

                                        Only non-witches get due process.

                                        • Cotton Mather, Salem Massachusetts, 1692
                                        1 Reply Last reply
                                        • Doctor PhibesD Doctor Phibes

                                          What are the odds that two completely independent sources would post such shit jokes?

                                          LarryL Offline
                                          LarryL Offline
                                          Larry
                                          wrote on last edited by
                                          #155

                                          @Doctor-Phibes said in So....:

                                          What are the odds that two completely independent sources would post such shit jokes?

                                          England has a new missile they named Civil Servant.

                                          It doesn't work and nobody can fire it.

                                          1 Reply Last reply
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