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The New Coffee Room

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  2. General Discussion
  3. Parents Highly Involved in Their Adult Children’s Lives

Parents Highly Involved in Their Adult Children’s Lives

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  • MikM Mik

    Yes. It is good for them to not feel immediate affluence as young adults. Shes doing well at budgeting, even if she’s made a few choices i would not have her make.

    89th8 Online
    89th8 Online
    89th
    wrote on last edited by
    #21

    @Mik said in Parents Highly Involved in Their Adult Children’s Lives:

    Yes. It is good for them to not feel immediate affluence as young adults. Shes doing well at budgeting, even if she’s made a few choices i would not have her make.

    Thanks (and @Jolly too). I can’t imagine how hard it might be to see a mistake and let it play out without getting involved. Within reason of course.

    1 Reply Last reply
    • MikM Offline
      MikM Offline
      Mik
      wrote on last edited by
      #22

      Being a dad is really pretty easy compared to learning how to not be a dad.

      "The intelligent man who is proud of his intelligence is like the condemned man who is proud of his large cell." Simone Weil

      1 Reply Last reply
      • LuFins DadL LuFins Dad

        Texting several times a week is “Highly Involved?! FFS, what is wrong with this world.

        And we’re surprised that parents and children that stay close as adults are generally happier and pleased? Again I ask, WTF?’

        jon-nycJ Online
        jon-nycJ Online
        jon-nyc
        wrote on last edited by
        #23

        @LuFins-Dad said in Parents Highly Involved in Their Adult Children’s Lives:

        Texting several times a week is “Highly Involved?! FFS, what is wrong with this world.

        And we’re surprised that parents and children that stay close as adults are generally happier and pleased? Again I ask, WTF?’

        Relative to my generation. I didn’t know many people who talked to their parents several times a week when I was in my 20s.

        Thank you for your attention to this matter.

        LuFins DadL 1 Reply Last reply
        • jon-nycJ jon-nyc

          @LuFins-Dad said in Parents Highly Involved in Their Adult Children’s Lives:

          Texting several times a week is “Highly Involved?! FFS, what is wrong with this world.

          And we’re surprised that parents and children that stay close as adults are generally happier and pleased? Again I ask, WTF?’

          Relative to my generation. I didn’t know many people who talked to their parents several times a week when I was in my 20s.

          LuFins DadL Offline
          LuFins DadL Offline
          LuFins Dad
          wrote on last edited by
          #24

          @jon-nyc said in Parents Highly Involved in Their Adult Children’s Lives:

          @LuFins-Dad said in Parents Highly Involved in Their Adult Children’s Lives:

          Texting several times a week is “Highly Involved?! FFS, what is wrong with this world.

          And we’re surprised that parents and children that stay close as adults are generally happier and pleased? Again I ask, WTF?’

          Relative to my generation. I didn’t know many people who talked to their parents several times a week when I was in my 20s.

          And how did that work out?

          The Brad

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          • jon-nycJ Online
            jon-nycJ Online
            jon-nyc
            wrote on last edited by
            #25

            I’m fucking awesome.

            Thank you for your attention to this matter.

            1 Reply Last reply
            • JollyJ Offline
              JollyJ Offline
              Jolly
              wrote on last edited by
              #26

              Well...Right words, wrong order?

              “Cry havoc and let slip the DOGE of war!”

              Those who cheered as J-6 American prisoners were locked in solitary for 18 months without trial, now suddenly fight tooth and nail for foreign terrorists’ "due process". — Buck Sexton

              1 Reply Last reply
              • MikM Offline
                MikM Offline
                Mik
                wrote on last edited by
                #27

                I didn’t talk to my parents that often when I was out of the house either. It was long distance and expensive. Plus we had a very different relationship.

                "The intelligent man who is proud of his intelligence is like the condemned man who is proud of his large cell." Simone Weil

                1 Reply Last reply
                • AxtremusA Away
                  AxtremusA Away
                  Axtremus
                  wrote on last edited by
                  #28

                  IMG_0108.jpeg

                  Source: https://www.researchgate.net/profile/Kay-Axhausen/publication/228540313_Activity_Spaces_Biographies_Social_Networks_and_Their_Welfare_Gains_and_Externalities_Some_Hypotheses_and_Empirical_Results/links/004635199ca570f4cb000000/Activity-Spaces-Biographies-Social-Networks-and-Their-Welfare-Gains-and-Externalities-Some-Hypotheses-and-Empirical-Results.pdf

                  1 Reply Last reply
                  • MikM Offline
                    MikM Offline
                    Mik
                    wrote on last edited by
                    #29

                    What point are you trying to make?

                    "The intelligent man who is proud of his intelligence is like the condemned man who is proud of his large cell." Simone Weil

                    George KG CopperC 2 Replies Last reply
                    • MikM Mik

                      What point are you trying to make?

                      George KG Offline
                      George KG Offline
                      George K
                      wrote on last edited by
                      #30

                      @Mik said in Parents Highly Involved in Their Adult Children’s Lives:

                      What point are you trying to make?

                      Cheaper to call Mom & Dad?

                      "Now look here, you Baltic gas passer... " - Mik, 6/14/08

                      The saying, "Lite is just one damn thing after another," is a gross understatement. The damn things overlap.

                      1 Reply Last reply
                      • AxtremusA Away
                        AxtremusA Away
                        Axtremus
                        wrote on last edited by
                        #31

                        Data support for what some of you suggest: Cost of communication comes down, so people (including parents and adult children) communicate more.

                        I was curious if there was a single event that caused the cost of communication to drop suddenly (e.g., deregulation or the introduction of a technology), but it seems the curve has been pretty smooth since the 1960#.

                        1 Reply Last reply
                        • MikM Offline
                          MikM Offline
                          Mik
                          wrote on last edited by
                          #32

                          It is now. Long distance is so 20th century. But when I was running my company out of my house I normally had $200+ monthly phone bills.

                          "The intelligent man who is proud of his intelligence is like the condemned man who is proud of his large cell." Simone Weil

                          AxtremusA 1 Reply Last reply
                          • MikM Mik

                            It is now. Long distance is so 20th century. But when I was running my company out of my house I normally had $200+ monthly phone bills.

                            AxtremusA Away
                            AxtremusA Away
                            Axtremus
                            wrote on last edited by
                            #33

                            @Mik said in Parents Highly Involved in Their Adult Children’s Lives:

                            But when I was running my company out of my house I normally had $200+ monthly phone bills.

                            Add up home Internet and cellphone bills … they probably still add up to $200+ per month for a typical household of 4 today (in 2024 dollars, of course).

                            MikM 1 Reply Last reply
                            • LuFins DadL Offline
                              LuFins DadL Offline
                              LuFins Dad
                              wrote on last edited by
                              #34

                              I think it was mostly our Military adventures from WWII through Vietnam along with the construction of the highway system that turned us into a much more mobile society. We used to pretty much stay in the same town we grew up in. Regular contact with the family was pretty constant when you are in the same general area. As we started spreading out, contact was by necessity lessened, and by the time we got to the the 70s and 80s it was much more common to have adult children and their parents have far more separate lives. There will be cases where that’s probably best for everybody, but I believe that for the most part it’s not. Multigenerational households have essentially disappeared, and familial support systems for young families is almost nonexistent. I don’t think that is beneficial overall.

                              When I was a kid, we were visiting multiple grandparents 1-2 times a week, and phone calls happened daily. Today, my kids don’t really know their uncles and aunts on both sides. We visit my dad maybe twice a year, but we do text and call several times a week. Even that really isn’t enough, IMO. I’m very glad that we hear from Lucas in a daily basis by text, and average 2 phone calls per week.

                              Karla and I are both prepping for our retirement to be based close to wherever our kids wind up. We want to be there for them. If they end up in separate geographical locations, we’ll explore alternatives to a single family home. Maybe condos to be able to travel between.

                              But the dream is to buy a 4 season vacation house as well in a spot where everyone would like to come together for holidays or vacations and such. The goal is for that spot to also be arranged in a manner that it will stay in the family, be shared between the boys and their families and try to keep them close after we’re gone.

                              The Brad

                              MikM 1 Reply Last reply
                              • MikM Mik

                                What point are you trying to make?

                                CopperC Offline
                                CopperC Offline
                                Copper
                                wrote on last edited by
                                #35

                                @Mik said in Parents Highly Involved in Their Adult Children’s Lives:

                                What point are you trying to make?

                                The obvious conclusion is that Mr. Eisenhower wasn't as good as other presidents at managing telephone costs.

                                1 Reply Last reply
                                • AxtremusA Axtremus

                                  @Mik said in Parents Highly Involved in Their Adult Children’s Lives:

                                  But when I was running my company out of my house I normally had $200+ monthly phone bills.

                                  Add up home Internet and cellphone bills … they probably still add up to $200+ per month for a typical household of 4 today (in 2024 dollars, of course).

                                  MikM Offline
                                  MikM Offline
                                  Mik
                                  wrote on last edited by
                                  #36

                                  @Axtremus said in Parents Highly Involved in Their Adult Children’s Lives:

                                  @Mik said in Parents Highly Involved in Their Adult Children’s Lives:

                                  But when I was running my company out of my house I normally had $200+ monthly phone bills.

                                  Add up home Internet and cellphone bills … they probably still add up to $200+ per month for a typical household of 4 today (in 2024 dollars, of course).

                                  About half that.

                                  "The intelligent man who is proud of his intelligence is like the condemned man who is proud of his large cell." Simone Weil

                                  1 Reply Last reply
                                  • LuFins DadL LuFins Dad

                                    I think it was mostly our Military adventures from WWII through Vietnam along with the construction of the highway system that turned us into a much more mobile society. We used to pretty much stay in the same town we grew up in. Regular contact with the family was pretty constant when you are in the same general area. As we started spreading out, contact was by necessity lessened, and by the time we got to the the 70s and 80s it was much more common to have adult children and their parents have far more separate lives. There will be cases where that’s probably best for everybody, but I believe that for the most part it’s not. Multigenerational households have essentially disappeared, and familial support systems for young families is almost nonexistent. I don’t think that is beneficial overall.

                                    When I was a kid, we were visiting multiple grandparents 1-2 times a week, and phone calls happened daily. Today, my kids don’t really know their uncles and aunts on both sides. We visit my dad maybe twice a year, but we do text and call several times a week. Even that really isn’t enough, IMO. I’m very glad that we hear from Lucas in a daily basis by text, and average 2 phone calls per week.

                                    Karla and I are both prepping for our retirement to be based close to wherever our kids wind up. We want to be there for them. If they end up in separate geographical locations, we’ll explore alternatives to a single family home. Maybe condos to be able to travel between.

                                    But the dream is to buy a 4 season vacation house as well in a spot where everyone would like to come together for holidays or vacations and such. The goal is for that spot to also be arranged in a manner that it will stay in the family, be shared between the boys and their families and try to keep them close after we’re gone.

                                    MikM Offline
                                    MikM Offline
                                    Mik
                                    wrote on last edited by
                                    #37

                                    @LuFins-Dad good plan. Similar to ours.

                                    "The intelligent man who is proud of his intelligence is like the condemned man who is proud of his large cell." Simone Weil

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