Dollar candy, kevlar, and car keys
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So today i stopped in at a Dollar Store wanting a bite of chocolate. I headed straight for the dollar candy aisle, because well.... I'm cheap....,
I settled on a pack of bite sized Thre Musketeers bars - 5 bite sized pieces, individually wrapped, and then packed into a little paper tray and wrapped again. Heck, it's only a dollar, and I only wanted a bite or two..
I headed to the car to open my prize.
- They are wrapped in what apparently is Kevlar.
- In the past, I would poke a hole in wrappers with my car keys.
- Try poking a hole in something with today's car keys.....
- Note to self: buy a pair of scissors to leave in the car.
- Do you understand the absolute frustration one feels when you're an hour from home, craving a bite of chocolate, and you have to spend an hour staring at chocolate that is YOURS but you can't eat it because it's wrapped in FRIKKIN' KEVLAR?????
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"Now look here, you Baltic gas passer... " - Mik, 6/14/08
The saying, "Lite is just one damn thing after another," is a gross understatement. The damn things overlap.
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@Axtremus said in Dollar candy, kevlar, and car keys:
Tried using your teeth?
Humans are social animals. As such, they enjoy the company of other humans. This interaction between humans is beneficial to every single member off a given herd, sometimes in ways that are common to the herd, and sometimes in ways that only affect an individual. One of the ways humans have invented to socialize is the telling of stories. As social animals, humans enjoy stories that affect them emotionally, often triggering a memory. Something they can relate to. So let's tell this story your way...
"I bought a pack of candy today. I had to tear the package open with my teeth."
Now that would certainly trigger a memory from most members of the herd, but it wouldn't create any emotional reaction. Telling the story would have been a total waste of time, because there was nothing in the story of any value or benefit. It lacks creativity, It lacks... humanity. It in no way nourishes the social needs of the teller or the listener.
Secondly... maybe you can tear Kevlar with your teeth, but I take better care of my teeth than that..
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@Larry said in Dollar candy, kevlar, and car keys:
@Axtremus said in Dollar candy, kevlar, and car keys:
Tried using your teeth?
Humans are social animals. As such, they enjoy the company of other humans. This interaction between humans is beneficial to every single member off a given herd, sometimes in ways that are common to the herd, and sometimes in ways that only affect an individual. …
Indeed, by interacting with this social group, you have been reminded of the possibility of opening a bag of candy with your teeth, which will benefit you in the future if you were to come across another bag of candy that cannot be opened by your car keys. Your future stories may further include a success with teeth, thanks to a friendly insightful reminder from a kind and clever friend, after futile attempts with car keys. You’re welcome!
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@Axtremus said in Dollar candy, kevlar, and car keys:
@Larry said in Dollar candy, kevlar, and car keys:
@Axtremus said in Dollar candy, kevlar, and car keys:
Tried using your teeth?
Humans are social animals. As such, they enjoy the company of other humans. This interaction between humans is beneficial to every single member off a given herd, sometimes in ways that are common to the herd, and sometimes in ways that only affect an individual. …
Indeed, by interacting with this social group, you have been reminded of the possibility of opening a bag of candy with your teeth, which will benefit you in the future if you were to come across another bag of candy that cannot be opened by your car keys. Your future stories may further include a success with teeth, thanks to a friendly insightful reminder from a kind and clever friend, after futile attempts with car keys. You’re welcome!
No, I have been reminded that you have the creativity of an oak stump.
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@Larry said in Dollar candy, kevlar, and car keys:
@89th said in Dollar candy, kevlar, and car keys:
I real American would’ve shot a hole in the package then torn it open. Come on, Larry.
Yeah, but then there'd have been a hole in the floorboard....
Or, it would have ricocheted off the kevlar wrapping and we would have never heard this story.
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@George-K said in Dollar candy, kevlar, and car keys:
LOL.
It's gotten to where Amazon sells "Frustration-Free" packaging.
Whatever happened to "Just rip 'er open?"
I'll tell you a small package that I can NEVER get open. never.
It's a mustard packet from Krystal Burger. I like their corn pup, but I like mustard on it. So i always ask for mustard and try to open it, then just throw it away and eat the corn pup without any mustard. One benefit of that... I figured out that they put sugar in the batter mix....
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@Larry said in Dollar candy, kevlar, and car keys:
@George-K said in Dollar candy, kevlar, and car keys:
LOL.
It's gotten to where Amazon sells "Frustration-Free" packaging.
Whatever happened to "Just rip 'er open?"
I'll tell you a small package that I can NEVER get open. never.
It's a mustard packet from Krystal Burger. I like their corn pup, but I like mustard on it. So i always ask for mustard and try to open it, then just throw it away and eat the corn pup without any mustard. One benefit of that... I figured out that they put sugar in the batter mix....
I keep a pair of nail clippers in the car for exactly this kind of problem.
Please love yourself.
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@Aqua-Letifer said in Dollar candy, kevlar, and car keys:
@Larry said in Dollar candy, kevlar, and car keys:
@George-K said in Dollar candy, kevlar, and car keys:
LOL.
It's gotten to where Amazon sells "Frustration-Free" packaging.
Whatever happened to "Just rip 'er open?"
I'll tell you a small package that I can NEVER get open. never.
It's a mustard packet from Krystal Burger. I like their corn pup, but I like mustard on it. So i always ask for mustard and try to open it, then just throw it away and eat the corn pup without any mustard. One benefit of that... I figured out that they put sugar in the batter mix....
I keep a pair of nail clippers in the car for exactly this kind of problem.
That's a good idea. I'll do that.
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Years ago, a patient gave everyone taking care of him a Swiss Army Knife.
I got one too, and it's a small little guy. I have found it remarkably useful for shit like this. The knife gets dull (I sharpen it), but I use it to cut open all of my Amazon deliveries. It also has scissors which are useful for this stuff. I've actually used the screwdriver and bottle opener as well.
Fits into my jeans pocket and I use it about once a day for something or other. Indispensable.
This guy:
https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B00004YVBB/ref=ppx_yo_dt_b_search_asin_title?ie=UTF8&psc=1
Currently unavailable, but I imagine you can find something of the same size with similar functionality.
Besides no manly man would EVER be caught without a knife on his person, right?
