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The New Coffee Room

  1. TNCR
  2. General Discussion
  3. So....

So....

Scheduled Pinned Locked Moved General Discussion
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  • Catseye3C Offline
    Catseye3C Offline
    Catseye3
    wrote on last edited by
    #757

    My theory is that all of Scottish cuisine is based on a dare. -- Mike Myers

    Success is measured by your discipline and inner peace. – Mike Ditka

    1 Reply Last reply
    • Catseye3C Offline
      Catseye3C Offline
      Catseye3
      wrote on last edited by
      #758

      I don't deserve this award, but I have arthritis and I don't deserve that either. -- Jack Benny

      Success is measured by your discipline and inner peace. – Mike Ditka

      1 Reply Last reply
      • Catseye3C Offline
        Catseye3C Offline
        Catseye3
        wrote on last edited by
        #759

        Christ, seven years of college, down the drain. -- John Belushi

        Success is measured by your discipline and inner peace. – Mike Ditka

        1 Reply Last reply
        • Catseye3C Offline
          Catseye3C Offline
          Catseye3
          wrote on last edited by
          #760

          There's no better feeling in the world than a warm pizza box on your lap. -- Kevin James

          Success is measured by your discipline and inner peace. – Mike Ditka

          1 Reply Last reply
          • jon-nycJ Offline
            jon-nycJ Offline
            jon-nyc
            wrote on last edited by
            #761

            My idiot friend keeps saying, “Every time I go to Taco Bell, I get diarrhea.”

            I said, “Try ordering Tacos instead.”

            Only non-witches get due process.

            • Cotton Mather, Salem Massachusetts, 1692
            1 Reply Last reply
            • Catseye3C Offline
              Catseye3C Offline
              Catseye3
              wrote on last edited by
              #762

              When you're born you get a ticket to the freak show. When you're born in America, you get a front row seat. --- George Carlin

              Success is measured by your discipline and inner peace. – Mike Ditka

              1 Reply Last reply
              • jon-nycJ Offline
                jon-nycJ Offline
                jon-nyc
                wrote on last edited by jon-nyc
                #763

                What do you call a woman who doesn’t give head?

                A taxi.

                Only non-witches get due process.

                • Cotton Mather, Salem Massachusetts, 1692
                1 Reply Last reply
                • Catseye3C Offline
                  Catseye3C Offline
                  Catseye3
                  wrote on last edited by
                  #764

                  My cooking is so bad my kids thought Thanksgiving was to commemorate Pearl Harbor. -- Phyllis Diller

                  Success is measured by your discipline and inner peace. – Mike Ditka

                  1 Reply Last reply
                  • George KG Offline
                    George KG Offline
                    George K
                    wrote on last edited by
                    #765

                    The nurse at the sperm bank asked me if I'd like to masturbate in the cup.

                    I said, "Well, I'm pretty good, but I don't think I'm ready to compete just yet."

                    "Now look here, you Baltic gas passer... " - Mik, 6/14/08

                    The saying, "Lite is just one damn thing after another," is a gross understatement. The damn things overlap.

                    1 Reply Last reply
                    • Catseye3C Offline
                      Catseye3C Offline
                      Catseye3
                      wrote on last edited by
                      #766

                      I've always wanted to go to Switzerland to see what the army does with those wee red knives. -- Billy Connolly

                      Success is measured by your discipline and inner peace. – Mike Ditka

                      1 Reply Last reply
                      • jon-nycJ Offline
                        jon-nycJ Offline
                        jon-nyc
                        wrote on last edited by
                        #767

                        Why can’t Miss Piggy count to seventy?

                        At sixty-nine she gets a frog in her throat.

                        Only non-witches get due process.

                        • Cotton Mather, Salem Massachusetts, 1692
                        1 Reply Last reply
                        • Catseye3C Offline
                          Catseye3C Offline
                          Catseye3
                          wrote on last edited by
                          #768

                          Marriage is a wonderful invention: then again, so is a bicycle repair kit. -- Billy Connolly

                          Success is measured by your discipline and inner peace. – Mike Ditka

                          1 Reply Last reply
                          • Catseye3C Offline
                            Catseye3C Offline
                            Catseye3
                            wrote on last edited by
                            #769

                            I wanna make a jigsaw puzzle that's 40,000 pieces. And when you finish it, it says 'go outside.' -- Demetri Martin

                            Success is measured by your discipline and inner peace. – Mike Ditka

                            1 Reply Last reply
                            • Catseye3C Offline
                              Catseye3C Offline
                              Catseye3
                              wrote on last edited by
                              #770

                              Coach: “How’s a beer sound, Norm?”
                              Norm: “I don't know, I usually finish before they get a word in.”
                              —Coach and Norm, Cheers

                              Success is measured by your discipline and inner peace. – Mike Ditka

                              1 Reply Last reply
                              • Catseye3C Offline
                                Catseye3C Offline
                                Catseye3
                                wrote on last edited by
                                #771

                                “What they could do to make it easier is combine the two, real estate and obituaries: Mr. Klein died today leaving a wife, two children, and a spacious three-bedroom apartment with a wood-burning fireplace.”
                                —Harry (Billy Crystal)

                                Success is measured by your discipline and inner peace. – Mike Ditka

                                1 Reply Last reply
                                • jon-nycJ Offline
                                  jon-nycJ Offline
                                  jon-nyc
                                  wrote on last edited by
                                  #772

                                  So…. My wife called me a sex machine.

                                  Well, she said “you’re a fucking tool” but I knew what she meant.

                                  Only non-witches get due process.

                                  • Cotton Mather, Salem Massachusetts, 1692
                                  1 Reply Last reply
                                  • jon-nycJ Offline
                                    jon-nycJ Offline
                                    jon-nyc
                                    wrote on last edited by
                                    #773

                                    So… my next door neighbor is a porn star.

                                    She’s going to be so mad when she finds out.

                                    Only non-witches get due process.

                                    • Cotton Mather, Salem Massachusetts, 1692
                                    1 Reply Last reply
                                    • George KG Offline
                                      George KG Offline
                                      George K
                                      wrote on last edited by
                                      #774

                                      Why aren't there any aspirin tablets in the jungle?

                                      Because the parrots eat 'em all.

                                      "Now look here, you Baltic gas passer... " - Mik, 6/14/08

                                      The saying, "Lite is just one damn thing after another," is a gross understatement. The damn things overlap.

                                      1 Reply Last reply
                                      • George KG Offline
                                        George KG Offline
                                        George K
                                        wrote on last edited by
                                        #775

                                        Anthony Fauci now admits that funding gain of research on viruses was a mistake.

                                        He says he should have been funding gain of function research on Joe Biden.

                                        "Now look here, you Baltic gas passer... " - Mik, 6/14/08

                                        The saying, "Lite is just one damn thing after another," is a gross understatement. The damn things overlap.

                                        1 Reply Last reply
                                        • Catseye3C Offline
                                          Catseye3C Offline
                                          Catseye3
                                          wrote on last edited by Catseye3
                                          #776

                                          Did you hear about the Aggie who won a gold medal in the Olympics? He was so proud of it that he had it bronzed.

                                          (Is this a Dad joke? It feels like a Dad joke.)

                                          Success is measured by your discipline and inner peace. – Mike Ditka

                                          1 Reply Last reply
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