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The New Coffee Room

  1. TNCR
  2. General Discussion
  3. So....

So....

Scheduled Pinned Locked Moved General Discussion
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  • Catseye3C Offline
    Catseye3C Offline
    Catseye3
    wrote on last edited by
    #759

    Christ, seven years of college, down the drain. -- John Belushi

    Success is measured by your discipline and inner peace. – Mike Ditka

    1 Reply Last reply
    • Catseye3C Offline
      Catseye3C Offline
      Catseye3
      wrote on last edited by
      #760

      There's no better feeling in the world than a warm pizza box on your lap. -- Kevin James

      Success is measured by your discipline and inner peace. – Mike Ditka

      1 Reply Last reply
      • jon-nycJ Offline
        jon-nycJ Offline
        jon-nyc
        wrote on last edited by
        #761

        My idiot friend keeps saying, “Every time I go to Taco Bell, I get diarrhea.”

        I said, “Try ordering Tacos instead.”

        Only non-witches get due process.

        • Cotton Mather, Salem Massachusetts, 1692
        1 Reply Last reply
        • Catseye3C Offline
          Catseye3C Offline
          Catseye3
          wrote on last edited by
          #762

          When you're born you get a ticket to the freak show. When you're born in America, you get a front row seat. --- George Carlin

          Success is measured by your discipline and inner peace. – Mike Ditka

          1 Reply Last reply
          • jon-nycJ Offline
            jon-nycJ Offline
            jon-nyc
            wrote on last edited by jon-nyc
            #763

            What do you call a woman who doesn’t give head?

            A taxi.

            Only non-witches get due process.

            • Cotton Mather, Salem Massachusetts, 1692
            1 Reply Last reply
            • Catseye3C Offline
              Catseye3C Offline
              Catseye3
              wrote on last edited by
              #764

              My cooking is so bad my kids thought Thanksgiving was to commemorate Pearl Harbor. -- Phyllis Diller

              Success is measured by your discipline and inner peace. – Mike Ditka

              1 Reply Last reply
              • George KG Offline
                George KG Offline
                George K
                wrote on last edited by
                #765

                The nurse at the sperm bank asked me if I'd like to masturbate in the cup.

                I said, "Well, I'm pretty good, but I don't think I'm ready to compete just yet."

                "Now look here, you Baltic gas passer... " - Mik, 6/14/08

                The saying, "Lite is just one damn thing after another," is a gross understatement. The damn things overlap.

                1 Reply Last reply
                • Catseye3C Offline
                  Catseye3C Offline
                  Catseye3
                  wrote on last edited by
                  #766

                  I've always wanted to go to Switzerland to see what the army does with those wee red knives. -- Billy Connolly

                  Success is measured by your discipline and inner peace. – Mike Ditka

                  1 Reply Last reply
                  • jon-nycJ Offline
                    jon-nycJ Offline
                    jon-nyc
                    wrote on last edited by
                    #767

                    Why can’t Miss Piggy count to seventy?

                    At sixty-nine she gets a frog in her throat.

                    Only non-witches get due process.

                    • Cotton Mather, Salem Massachusetts, 1692
                    1 Reply Last reply
                    • Catseye3C Offline
                      Catseye3C Offline
                      Catseye3
                      wrote on last edited by
                      #768

                      Marriage is a wonderful invention: then again, so is a bicycle repair kit. -- Billy Connolly

                      Success is measured by your discipline and inner peace. – Mike Ditka

                      1 Reply Last reply
                      • Catseye3C Offline
                        Catseye3C Offline
                        Catseye3
                        wrote on last edited by
                        #769

                        I wanna make a jigsaw puzzle that's 40,000 pieces. And when you finish it, it says 'go outside.' -- Demetri Martin

                        Success is measured by your discipline and inner peace. – Mike Ditka

                        1 Reply Last reply
                        • Catseye3C Offline
                          Catseye3C Offline
                          Catseye3
                          wrote on last edited by
                          #770

                          Coach: “How’s a beer sound, Norm?”
                          Norm: “I don't know, I usually finish before they get a word in.”
                          —Coach and Norm, Cheers

                          Success is measured by your discipline and inner peace. – Mike Ditka

                          1 Reply Last reply
                          • Catseye3C Offline
                            Catseye3C Offline
                            Catseye3
                            wrote on last edited by
                            #771

                            “What they could do to make it easier is combine the two, real estate and obituaries: Mr. Klein died today leaving a wife, two children, and a spacious three-bedroom apartment with a wood-burning fireplace.”
                            —Harry (Billy Crystal)

                            Success is measured by your discipline and inner peace. – Mike Ditka

                            1 Reply Last reply
                            • jon-nycJ Offline
                              jon-nycJ Offline
                              jon-nyc
                              wrote on last edited by
                              #772

                              So…. My wife called me a sex machine.

                              Well, she said “you’re a fucking tool” but I knew what she meant.

                              Only non-witches get due process.

                              • Cotton Mather, Salem Massachusetts, 1692
                              1 Reply Last reply
                              • jon-nycJ Offline
                                jon-nycJ Offline
                                jon-nyc
                                wrote on last edited by
                                #773

                                So… my next door neighbor is a porn star.

                                She’s going to be so mad when she finds out.

                                Only non-witches get due process.

                                • Cotton Mather, Salem Massachusetts, 1692
                                1 Reply Last reply
                                • George KG Offline
                                  George KG Offline
                                  George K
                                  wrote on last edited by
                                  #774

                                  Why aren't there any aspirin tablets in the jungle?

                                  Because the parrots eat 'em all.

                                  "Now look here, you Baltic gas passer... " - Mik, 6/14/08

                                  The saying, "Lite is just one damn thing after another," is a gross understatement. The damn things overlap.

                                  1 Reply Last reply
                                  • George KG Offline
                                    George KG Offline
                                    George K
                                    wrote on last edited by
                                    #775

                                    Anthony Fauci now admits that funding gain of research on viruses was a mistake.

                                    He says he should have been funding gain of function research on Joe Biden.

                                    "Now look here, you Baltic gas passer... " - Mik, 6/14/08

                                    The saying, "Lite is just one damn thing after another," is a gross understatement. The damn things overlap.

                                    1 Reply Last reply
                                    • Catseye3C Offline
                                      Catseye3C Offline
                                      Catseye3
                                      wrote on last edited by Catseye3
                                      #776

                                      Did you hear about the Aggie who won a gold medal in the Olympics? He was so proud of it that he had it bronzed.

                                      (Is this a Dad joke? It feels like a Dad joke.)

                                      Success is measured by your discipline and inner peace. – Mike Ditka

                                      1 Reply Last reply
                                      • George KG Offline
                                        George KG Offline
                                        George K
                                        wrote on last edited by
                                        #777

                                        Where do mansplainers get their water?

                                        From a “well actually.”

                                        "Now look here, you Baltic gas passer... " - Mik, 6/14/08

                                        The saying, "Lite is just one damn thing after another," is a gross understatement. The damn things overlap.

                                        1 Reply Last reply
                                        • George KG Offline
                                          George KG Offline
                                          George K
                                          wrote on last edited by
                                          #778

                                          HELP!

                                          I got a Labrador puppy at Xmas but realised pretty quickly that my girlfriend is allergic to her and as a result, I’m going to have to give her up.

                                          I dont want money, I just need to know she's gone to a good home.

                                          Her names Olivia , she's 42, decent figure and a good cook.

                                          "Now look here, you Baltic gas passer... " - Mik, 6/14/08

                                          The saying, "Lite is just one damn thing after another," is a gross understatement. The damn things overlap.

                                          1 Reply Last reply
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