So....

[Larry]

My wife makes pancakes too thin.

I shouldn't have to put up with this crepe...

[Larry]

My wife is a sexaholic. No matter what time of day or night my wife always wants to make love, I can't even brush my teeth without her humping me.

Ealier I went to the kitchen for a gllllas of wattrr an myy wif e un ziiipp ed panntss a nd themn adwrer sdoa akdbw aldb tees yhalfb hdjjwj snkkdbf jskdnruw.

[Larry]

Would it be wrong to follow rioters home and then burn their houses down? Asking for a friend..

[Larry]

A hunter on safari came across a dead elephant with a pigmy standing beside it. The hunter asked the pygmy if he had killed it.

"Yes. "
"How Did a little guy like you kill such a large animal?"
"I killed it with my club."
"Damn! How big is your club?"
"There's about 200 of us, I think..."

[Larry]

My best friend passed away years ago.

Grieving before his grave I said,

“Bro, I really miss you. My wife has been pregnant for 8 months now. How about you reincarnate as my child?

A month later, my wife gave birth to a baby boy. As my child grows older I realize he looks a lot like my best friend.

I’m really happy my prayer worked.

[Larry]

Two dogs are talking. One says "I can't remember your name but your fece's familiar...."

[Larry]

So i said "Doc, you got anything i could take for my kleptomania?"....

[Larry]

Welcome to the National Sarcasm Society.

Like we need your support....

[jon-nyc]

If I make a woman breakfast in bed, a simple ‘thank you’ is enough.

None of this ‘how did you get in my house’ business, please.

[jon-nyc]

Apparently, that random guy in the parking lot was just tying his shoe and didn't actually want to play leap frog.  My bad dude, my bad.

[Larry]

Link to video

[jon-nyc]

I caught my son chewing on electrical cords so I had to ground him.

He’s doing better currently. And conducting himself properly.

[Larry]

My neighbor's wife has a whale tattoo on her ass. It used to be a porpoise.

[jon-nyc]

I guess we all have personal hang ups about our appearance.

Personally my worry is that one of my balls is bigger than the other two.

[Larry]

I was so disappointed when I heard they won't be making yardsticks any longer....

[Larry]

Doctor: "How many fingers now?"

Me: "this just isn't how I envisioned a prostate exam worked..."

[Larry]

They said schizophrenia is an illness And I should take medication.

But look who's over here and not lonely during the covid19 lockdown!.....

[Larry]

A guy walks up to a pretty girl standing next to the jukebox. "Wow - great thong!"

She slaps him in the face and walks off.

The guy says.... "Thorry... wath it thomething i thaid?"....

[Larry]

Scientists have discovered a way to milk sheep.

Just release a new iPhone every year.

[Larry]

Did Charles Darwin die of natural causes?