So....

[jon-nyc]

Happy Ramadan to my Muslim brothers and sisters. This month, lunch is on me.

[George K]

@jon-nyc said in So....:

Happy Ramadan to my Muslim brothers and sisters. This month, lunch is on me.

(not so) Cheap Scotch, everywhere!

[George K]

That year I had excruciating diarrhea was, as they say in Latin, my anus horribilis.

[jon-nyc]

A buddy of mine got his degree in Egyptology, but hasn’t been able to find any work. He’s back in school now so he can TEACH Egyptology to people who won’t be able to find jobs.

His entire career is a pyramid scheme.

[George K]

@jon-nyc said in So....:

A buddy of mine got his degree in Egyptology, but hasn’t been able to find any work. He’s back in school now so he can TEACH Egyptology to people who won’t be able to find jobs.

His entire career is a pyramid scheme.

[jon-nyc]

Them: How much do you normally spend on a bottle of wine?

Me: 30 minutes max.

[Catseye3]

Did you hear about the chameleon who couldn't change color? He had a reptile dysfunction.

[Catseye3]

Therapist: So what brings the two of you here today?

My wife: It's impossible to live with him. He's too literal.

Me: My truck.

[George K]

@Catseye3 said in So....:

Therapist: So what brings the two of you here today?

My wife: It's impossible to live with him. He's too literal.

Me: My truck.

Love that one.

[jon-nyc]

Trains are just roller coasters that gave up on their dream and got a real job.

[George K]

So...

When people say, "Enjoy them while they're young...."

They're talking about your hips and your knees.

[jon-nyc]

After high school I worked at the mall for a year before going to college.

It was my Gap year.

[Catseye3]

For Aqua: Did you hear about the bankrupt poet who ode everyone?

[Catseye3]

For Phibes: I was playing chess with my friend and he said, “Let’s make this interesting.” So we stopped playing chess.

[Catseye3]

<

I asked the IT guy, "How do you make a Motherboard?" He said, "I tell her about my job."

[jon-nyc]

A large group of retailers under one roof.

If you’ve seen one you’ve seen a mall.

[George K]

An Irish woman of advanced age visited her physician to ask his advice on reviving her husband's libido.

"What about trying Viagra?" asked the doctor.

"Not a chance" she replied. "He won't even take an aspirin".

"Not a problem," said the doctor. "Give him an Irish Viagra.

"What on Earth is Irish Viagra?" she asked.

"It's Viagra dissolved in his morning cup of coffee. He won't even taste it. Let me know how it goes," he said.

She called the doctor the very next afternoon.

"How did it go?" he asked.

"Oh faith, bejaysus and begorrah, doctor, it was terrible. Just horrid, I tell ya! I'm beside meself!"

"Oh, no! What in the world happened?"

"Well, I did the deed, Doctor, just as you advised. I put the Viagra in his morning coffee, and he drank it."

Well, you know, it took effect almost immediately, and he jumped straight up out of his chair with a smile on his face, a twinkle in his eye and his pants a-bulging.
Then, with one fierce swoop of his arm, he sent the cups, saucers, and everything else that was on the table flying across the room, ripped me clothes to tatters and passionately took me then and there right on top of the table.

'Twas a nightmare, I tell ya, an absolute nightmare!"

“Why so terrible?" asked the doctor. "Wasn't the sex good?"

"Freakin jaysus, it was the best sex I've had in me last 25 years, but sure as I'm sittin' here, doctor, I'll never be able to show me face in that Starbucks again."

[jon-nyc]

Doctor: You have 6 months to live

Me: omg what can I do?

Doctor: Oh lots of things

Me: Phew

Doctor: but only for 6 months

[jon-nyc]

Q: What would you want to say to your dad if he were still alive?

Me: “Sorry I cremated you Dad, I honestly thought you were dead.”

[jon-nyc]

Why do roosters crow so damn early?

To get a word in before the hens get up.