So....
-
wrote on 5 Mar 2023, 17:20 last edited by jon-nyc 3 May 2023, 17:22
My buddy was engaged twice but never actually got married.
He’s had a couple of near Mrs.
-
wrote on 5 Mar 2023, 17:41 last edited by
I was talking to a young woman at a bar last night.
She said, "If you lost a few pounds, had a shave and got your hair cut, you'd look all right."
I said, "If I did that, I'd be talking to your friends over there instead of you."
Cost me a fat lip, but...
-
wrote on 5 Mar 2023, 23:59 last edited by
I don’t know what HD is but my doctor says I have 80 of them.
-
wrote on 12 Mar 2023, 23:01 last edited by
(Warning: Dad Joke) What do you call a beehive without an exit? Unbelievable.
-
wrote on 12 Mar 2023, 23:07 last edited by
(Warning: Another Dad Joke). If I ever find the doctor who screwed up my limb replacement surgery…I’ll kill him with my bear hands.
-
wrote on 13 Mar 2023, 13:27 last edited by
I was in a job interview the other day and they asked if I could perform under pressure. I said no, but I could perform Bohemian Rhapsody.
-
wrote on 13 Mar 2023, 13:36 last edited by LuFins Dad
-
wrote on 13 Mar 2023, 13:37 last edited by
Oh yeah, absolutely.
-
Oh yeah, absolutely.
wrote on 13 Mar 2023, 13:40 last edited by -
wrote on 21 Mar 2023, 00:08 last edited by Catseye3
DAD: I was just listening to the radio on my way in to town, apparently an actress just killed herself.
MOM: Oh my! Who!?
DAD: Uh, I can't remember... I think her name was Reese something?
MOM: WITHERSPOON!!!!!???????
DAD: No, it was with a knife.
-
wrote on 21 Mar 2023, 00:24 last edited by
What noise does a 747 make when it bounces?
Boeing, Boeing, Boeing.
-
wrote on 21 Mar 2023, 00:55 last edited by
My cat has just eaten three mallards!
He’s a duck filled fatty puss.
Okay, that's all, I promise.
For tonight, anyway.
-
wrote on 21 Mar 2023, 01:28 last edited by
Okay, one more . . .
^
^
I went into a shop and asked, “Can I have a bottle of shampoo, please?”The woman said, “Extra volume?”
“CAN I HAVE A BOTTLE OF SHAMPOO, PLEASE!”
-
Okay, one more . . .
^
^
I went into a shop and asked, “Can I have a bottle of shampoo, please?”The woman said, “Extra volume?”
“CAN I HAVE A BOTTLE OF SHAMPOO, PLEASE!”
wrote on 22 Mar 2023, 02:02 last edited by
Link to videoOkay, one more . . .
^
^
I went into a shop and asked, “Can I have a bottle of shampoo, please?”The woman said, “Extra volume?”
“CAN I HAVE A BOTTLE OF SHAMPOO, PLEASE!
-
wrote on 22 Mar 2023, 23:59 last edited by
Happy Ramadan to my Muslim brothers and sisters. This month, lunch is on me.
-
wrote on 25 Mar 2023, 00:17 last edited by
That year I had excruciating diarrhea was, as they say in Latin, my anus horribilis.
-
wrote on 27 Mar 2023, 22:38 last edited by
A buddy of mine got his degree in Egyptology, but hasn’t been able to find any work. He’s back in school now so he can TEACH Egyptology to people who won’t be able to find jobs.
His entire career is a pyramid scheme.
-
A buddy of mine got his degree in Egyptology, but hasn’t been able to find any work. He’s back in school now so he can TEACH Egyptology to people who won’t be able to find jobs.
His entire career is a pyramid scheme.
wrote on 27 Mar 2023, 23:51 last edited by -
wrote on 30 Mar 2023, 07:35 last edited by
Them: How much do you normally spend on a bottle of wine?
Me: 30 minutes max.
