So....

[jon-nyc]

My buddy was engaged twice but never actually got married.

He’s had a couple of near Mrs.

[George K]

I was talking to a young woman at a bar last night.

She said, "If you lost a few pounds, had a shave and got your hair cut, you'd look all right."

I said, "If I did that, I'd be talking to your friends over there instead of you."

Cost me a fat lip, but...

[jon-nyc]

I don’t know what HD is but my doctor says I have 80 of them.

[Catseye3]

(Warning: Dad Joke) What do you call a beehive without an exit? Unbelievable.

[Catseye3]

(Warning: Another Dad Joke). If I ever find the doctor who screwed up my limb replacement surgery…I’ll kill him with my bear hands.

[Catseye3]

I was in a job interview the other day and they asked if I could perform under pressure. I said no, but I could perform Bohemian Rhapsody.

[LuFins Dad]

@Catseye3 said in So....:

(Warning: Dad Joke) What do you call a beehive without an exit? Unbelievable.

Nice. And stolen…

[Catseye3]

@LuFins-Dad

Oh yeah, absolutely.

[LuFins Dad]

@Catseye3 said in So....:

@LuFins-Dad

Oh yeah, absolutely.

I meant that I was stealing it from you!

[Catseye3]

DAD: I was just listening to the radio on my way in to town, apparently an actress just killed herself.

MOM: Oh my! Who!?

DAD: Uh, I can't remember... I think her name was Reese something?

MOM: WITHERSPOON!!!!!???????

DAD: No, it was with a knife.

[Catseye3]

What noise does a 747 make when it bounces?

Boeing, Boeing, Boeing.

[Catseye3]

My cat has just eaten three mallards!

He’s a duck filled fatty puss.

---

Okay, that's all, I promise.

For tonight, anyway.

[Catseye3]

Okay, one more . . .
^
^
I went into a shop and asked, “Can I have a bottle of shampoo, please?”

The woman said, “Extra volume?”

“CAN I HAVE A BOTTLE OF SHAMPOO, PLEASE!”

[taiwan_girl]

@Catseye3 said in So....:

Okay, one more . . .
^
^
I went into a shop and asked, “Can I have a bottle of shampoo, please?”

The woman said, “Extra volume?”

“CAN I HAVE A BOTTLE OF SHAMPOO, PLEASE!

Link to video

[jon-nyc]

Happy Ramadan to my Muslim brothers and sisters. This month, lunch is on me.

[George K]

@jon-nyc said in So....:

Happy Ramadan to my Muslim brothers and sisters. This month, lunch is on me.

(not so) Cheap Scotch, everywhere!

[George K]

That year I had excruciating diarrhea was, as they say in Latin, my anus horribilis.

[jon-nyc]

A buddy of mine got his degree in Egyptology, but hasn’t been able to find any work. He’s back in school now so he can TEACH Egyptology to people who won’t be able to find jobs.

His entire career is a pyramid scheme.

[George K]

@jon-nyc said in So....:

A buddy of mine got his degree in Egyptology, but hasn’t been able to find any work. He’s back in school now so he can TEACH Egyptology to people who won’t be able to find jobs.

His entire career is a pyramid scheme.

[jon-nyc]

Them: How much do you normally spend on a bottle of wine?

Me: 30 minutes max.