So....
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wrote on 21 Feb 2023, 12:20 last edited by
I was standing at the bar at the one night minding my own business.
This FAT ugly chick came up behind me, grabbed my behind and said, "You're kinda cute. You gotta phone number?"
I said, "Yeah, you gotta pen?
She said, "Yeah, I got a pen".
I said, "You better get back in it before the farmer misses you."
Cost me 6 stitches... but, when you're my age, who cares?
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wrote on 23 Feb 2023, 11:55 last edited by
I got caught taking a pee in the swimming pool today.
The lifeguard shouted at me so loud, I nearly fell in.
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wrote on 25 Feb 2023, 15:33 last edited by
I was telling a woman in the Club about my ability to guess what day a woman was born just by feeling her breasts.
"Really" she said, "Go on then... Try."
After about thirty seconds of fondling she began to lose patience and said, "Come on, what day was I born?"
I said, "Yesterday."
Cost me a kick in the nuts, but...
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wrote on 27 Feb 2023, 23:02 last edited by George K
I went to our the bar last night and saw a BIG woman dancing on a table.
I said, "Good legs."
The girl giggled and said, "Do you really think so?"
I said, "Definitely! Most tables would have collapsed by now."
Cost me 6 stitches, but...
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wrote on 5 Mar 2023, 17:20 last edited by jon-nyc 3 May 2023, 17:22
My buddy was engaged twice but never actually got married.
He’s had a couple of near Mrs.
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wrote on 5 Mar 2023, 17:41 last edited by
I was talking to a young woman at a bar last night.
She said, "If you lost a few pounds, had a shave and got your hair cut, you'd look all right."
I said, "If I did that, I'd be talking to your friends over there instead of you."
Cost me a fat lip, but...
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wrote on 5 Mar 2023, 23:59 last edited by
I don’t know what HD is but my doctor says I have 80 of them.
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wrote on 12 Mar 2023, 23:07 last edited by
(Warning: Another Dad Joke). If I ever find the doctor who screwed up my limb replacement surgery…I’ll kill him with my bear hands.
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wrote on 13 Mar 2023, 13:27 last edited by
I was in a job interview the other day and they asked if I could perform under pressure. I said no, but I could perform Bohemian Rhapsody.
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wrote on 13 Mar 2023, 13:36 last edited by LuFins Dad
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wrote on 13 Mar 2023, 13:37 last edited by
Oh yeah, absolutely.
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Oh yeah, absolutely.
wrote on 13 Mar 2023, 13:40 last edited by -
wrote on 21 Mar 2023, 00:08 last edited by Catseye3
DAD: I was just listening to the radio on my way in to town, apparently an actress just killed herself.
MOM: Oh my! Who!?
DAD: Uh, I can't remember... I think her name was Reese something?
MOM: WITHERSPOON!!!!!???????
DAD: No, it was with a knife.
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wrote on 21 Mar 2023, 00:24 last edited by
What noise does a 747 make when it bounces?
Boeing, Boeing, Boeing.
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wrote on 21 Mar 2023, 00:55 last edited by
My cat has just eaten three mallards!
He’s a duck filled fatty puss.
Okay, that's all, I promise.
For tonight, anyway.
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wrote on 21 Mar 2023, 01:28 last edited by
Okay, one more . . .
^
^
I went into a shop and asked, “Can I have a bottle of shampoo, please?”The woman said, “Extra volume?”
“CAN I HAVE A BOTTLE OF SHAMPOO, PLEASE!”
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Okay, one more . . .
^
^
I went into a shop and asked, “Can I have a bottle of shampoo, please?”The woman said, “Extra volume?”
“CAN I HAVE A BOTTLE OF SHAMPOO, PLEASE!”
wrote on 22 Mar 2023, 02:02 last edited by
Link to videoOkay, one more . . .
^
^
I went into a shop and asked, “Can I have a bottle of shampoo, please?”The woman said, “Extra volume?”
“CAN I HAVE A BOTTLE OF SHAMPOO, PLEASE!
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wrote on 22 Mar 2023, 23:59 last edited by
Happy Ramadan to my Muslim brothers and sisters. This month, lunch is on me.
