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The New Coffee Room

  1. TNCR
  2. General Discussion
  3. So....

So....

Scheduled Pinned Locked Moved General Discussion
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  • J Online
    J Online
    jon-nyc
    wrote on 19 Sept 2022, 01:46 last edited by jon-nyc
    #728

    If really good-looking people are “eye candy”, I guess that puts me somewhere in the “eye-broccoli” category.

    Only non-witches get due process.

    • Cotton Mather, Salem Massachusetts, 1692
    1 Reply Last reply
    • J Online
      J Online
      jon-nyc
      wrote on 22 Sept 2022, 02:01 last edited by
      #729

      I keep trying to reunite the Beatles but I can never get a clean shot.

      Only non-witches get due process.

      • Cotton Mather, Salem Massachusetts, 1692
      1 Reply Last reply
      • G Offline
        G Offline
        George K
        wrote on 22 Sept 2022, 13:25 last edited by
        #730

        I took my wife to the doctors for her Tourette’s.

        It turns out she doesn’t have it after all.

        I’m a cunt and she does want me to fuck off

        "Now look here, you Baltic gas passer... " - Mik, 6/14/08

        The saying, "Lite is just one damn thing after another," is a gross understatement. The damn things overlap.

        1 Reply Last reply
        • J Online
          J Online
          jon-nyc
          wrote on 22 Sept 2022, 13:45 last edited by
          #731

          HAHAHAHAHAHAHA

          Only non-witches get due process.

          • Cotton Mather, Salem Massachusetts, 1692
          1 Reply Last reply
          • J Online
            J Online
            jon-nyc
            wrote on 2 Oct 2022, 08:23 last edited by
            #732

            Did you hear about the non-binary gold prospector?

            They found gold in them/their hills.

            Only non-witches get due process.

            • Cotton Mather, Salem Massachusetts, 1692
            1 Reply Last reply
            • J Online
              J Online
              jon-nyc
              wrote on 2 Oct 2022, 08:29 last edited by
              #733

              Took my son out for his first pint today. I first got him a Fosters, he didn’t like it, I drank it. Then I got him a Budweiser, he didn’t like that either, so I drank it. It was the same with the Guinness and Cider.

              By the time we got to whiskeys, I was so drunk I could hardly push the fucking pram.

              Only non-witches get due process.

              • Cotton Mather, Salem Massachusetts, 1692
              1 Reply Last reply
              • J Online
                J Online
                jon-nyc
                wrote on 2 Oct 2022, 08:33 last edited by
                #734

                The other day Siri told me a notification came up on my phone. I said “what is it”, and Siri said “it’s an alert from an app that shows up on your home screen, but that’s not important right now”.

                That’s when I realized it was in Airplane mode.

                Only non-witches get due process.

                • Cotton Mather, Salem Massachusetts, 1692
                1 Reply Last reply
                • J Online
                  J Online
                  jon-nyc
                  wrote on 4 Oct 2022, 01:08 last edited by
                  #735

                  King Ozymandias of Assyria was running low on cash after years of war with the Hittites. His last great possession was the Star of the Euphrates , the most valuable diamond in the ancient world. Desperate, he went to Croesus, the pawnbroker, to ask for a loan.

                  Croesus said, "I'll give you 100,000 dinars for it."

                  "But I paid a million dinars for it," the King protested. "Don't you know who I am? I am the king!"

                  Croesus replied, "When you wish to pawn a Star, makes no difference who you are."

                  Only non-witches get due process.

                  • Cotton Mather, Salem Massachusetts, 1692
                  1 Reply Last reply
                  • J Online
                    J Online
                    jon-nyc
                    wrote on 5 Oct 2022, 01:10 last edited by
                    #736

                    What gives you butterflies no matter how many times you’ve done it?

                    Buying caterpillars.

                    Only non-witches get due process.

                    • Cotton Mather, Salem Massachusetts, 1692
                    1 Reply Last reply
                    • J Online
                      J Online
                      jon-nyc
                      wrote on 5 Oct 2022, 02:51 last edited by
                      #737

                      I’m so glad I took up kickboxing.

                      It’s really opened up a lot of doors for me.

                      Only non-witches get due process.

                      • Cotton Mather, Salem Massachusetts, 1692
                      1 Reply Last reply
                      • J Online
                        J Online
                        jon-nyc
                        wrote on 5 Oct 2022, 02:54 last edited by
                        #738

                        My wife gets terrible headaches whenever I cook with wheat, rice, or quinoa.

                        She really suffers from my grains.

                        Only non-witches get due process.

                        • Cotton Mather, Salem Massachusetts, 1692
                        1 Reply Last reply
                        • G Offline
                          G Offline
                          George K
                          wrote on 16 Oct 2022, 11:40 last edited by
                          #739

                          A cowboy, who just moved to Wyoming from Texas, walks into a bar and orders three mugs of Bud.

                          He sits in the back of the room, drinking a sip out of each one in turn.

                          When he finishes them, he comes back to the bar and orders three more.

                          The bartender approaches and tells the cowboy, "You know, a mug goes flat after I draw it. It would taste better if you bought one at a time..."

                          The cowboy replies, "Well, you see, I have two brothers. One is an Airborne Ranger, the other is a Navy Seal, both serving overseas somewhere.
                          When we all left our home in Texas, we promised that we'd drink this way to remember the days when we drank together.

                          So I'm drinking one beer for each of my brothers and one for myself."

                          The bartender admits that this is a nice custom, and leaves it there.

                          The cowboy becomes a regular in the bar, and always drinks the same way.

                          He orders three mugs and drinks them in turn.

                          One day, he comes in and only orders two mugs. (I know, a tear is coming to my eye too)

                          All the regulars take notice and fall silent.

                          When he comes back to the bar for the second round, the bartender says, "I don't want to intrude on your grief, but I wanted to offer my condolences on your loss."

                          The cowboy looks quite puzzled for a moment, then a light dawns in his eyes and he laughs.

                          "Oh, no, everybody's just fine," he explains, "It's just that my wife
                          and I joined the Baptist Church and I had to quit drinking."
                          
"Hasn't affected my brothers though...."

                          "Now look here, you Baltic gas passer... " - Mik, 6/14/08

                          The saying, "Lite is just one damn thing after another," is a gross understatement. The damn things overlap.

                          1 Reply Last reply
                          • J Online
                            J Online
                            jon-nyc
                            wrote on 16 Oct 2022, 11:50 last edited by
                            #740

                            Lol

                            Only non-witches get due process.

                            • Cotton Mather, Salem Massachusetts, 1692
                            1 Reply Last reply
                            • J Online
                              J Online
                              jon-nyc
                              wrote on 16 Oct 2022, 17:22 last edited by
                              #741

                              Jeffrey Dahmer’s bologna really did have a first name.

                              Only non-witches get due process.

                              • Cotton Mather, Salem Massachusetts, 1692
                              Catseye3C 1 Reply Last reply 16 Oct 2022, 17:31
                              • J jon-nyc
                                16 Oct 2022, 17:22

                                Jeffrey Dahmer’s bologna really did have a first name.

                                Catseye3C Offline
                                Catseye3C Offline
                                Catseye3
                                wrote on 16 Oct 2022, 17:31 last edited by
                                #742

                                @jon-nyc

                                Oh, GAH! ROFL.

                                Success is measured by your discipline and inner peace. – Mike Ditka

                                1 Reply Last reply
                                • LuFins DadL Offline
                                  LuFins DadL Offline
                                  LuFins Dad
                                  wrote on 17 Oct 2022, 00:12 last edited by
                                  #743

                                  Why did the Trans Man only eat Vegan?

                                  Because he was a her before.

                                  The Brad

                                  G 1 Reply Last reply 17 Oct 2022, 00:17
                                  • LuFins DadL LuFins Dad
                                    17 Oct 2022, 00:12

                                    Why did the Trans Man only eat Vegan?

                                    Because he was a her before.

                                    G Offline
                                    G Offline
                                    George K
                                    wrote on 17 Oct 2022, 00:17 last edited by
                                    #744

                                    @LuFins-Dad perfect.

                                    "Now look here, you Baltic gas passer... " - Mik, 6/14/08

                                    The saying, "Lite is just one damn thing after another," is a gross understatement. The damn things overlap.

                                    1 Reply Last reply
                                    • J Online
                                      J Online
                                      jon-nyc
                                      wrote on 18 Oct 2022, 23:02 last edited by jon-nyc
                                      #745

                                      My girlfriend called me a gullible idiot and told me not to believe everything I read on the internet.

                                      I told her I don’t have to put up with this shit, not when there are desperate horny milfs less than a mile from my house.

                                      Only non-witches get due process.

                                      • Cotton Mather, Salem Massachusetts, 1692
                                      1 Reply Last reply
                                      • J Online
                                        J Online
                                        jon-nyc
                                        wrote on 27 Oct 2022, 19:06 last edited by
                                        #746

                                        My teacher told me not to worry about spelling because in the future there would be autocorrect and for that I am eternally grapefruit.

                                        Only non-witches get due process.

                                        • Cotton Mather, Salem Massachusetts, 1692
                                        1 Reply Last reply
                                        • Catseye3C Offline
                                          Catseye3C Offline
                                          Catseye3
                                          wrote on 31 Oct 2022, 16:06 last edited by
                                          #747

                                          Seen on a T-shirt:

                                          "If I said I'll fix it, I will. There is no need to remind me every six months."

                                          Success is measured by your discipline and inner peace. – Mike Ditka

                                          1 Reply Last reply
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