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The New Coffee Room

  1. TNCR
  2. General Discussion
  3. So....

So....

Scheduled Pinned Locked Moved General Discussion
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  • LarryL Offline
    LarryL Offline
    Larry
    wrote on last edited by
    #60

    Wife: Hi.. I'm pregnant..
    Husband: hi.. I'm Dad...
    Wife: no you're not.....

    1 Reply Last reply
    • LarryL Offline
      LarryL Offline
      Larry
      wrote on last edited by Larry
      #61

      Since it started raining today, all my wife has done is sit looking forlornly through the window.

      I guess next time I get up to go to the toilet I should let her in...

      1 Reply Last reply
      • LarryL Offline
        LarryL Offline
        Larry
        wrote on last edited by
        #62

        So.. my wife is laughing at me. I bought a new computer, and was setting up a password "mydick"....

        A message flashed on the screen that said "your password is too short"

        1 Reply Last reply
        • LarryL Offline
          LarryL Offline
          Larry
          wrote on last edited by
          #63

          I thought my wife was joking when she told me she was going to leave me if I didn't stop singing "I'm a believer"...

          Then I saw her face......

          1 Reply Last reply
          • LarryL Offline
            LarryL Offline
            Larry
            wrote on last edited by
            #64

            A doctor and his wife are talking...

            Wife: I can't believe you cheated on me!!

            Husband: well, she was just lying there naked on a table, what did you expect me to Do?

            Wife:AN AUTOPSY!!!

            1 Reply Last reply
            • LarryL Offline
              LarryL Offline
              Larry
              wrote on last edited by
              #65

              A string theorist is in bed with another woman and his wife walks in the room and catches them.. The string theorist says "Wait - I can explain everything!!"

              1 Reply Last reply
              • jon-nycJ Online
                jon-nycJ Online
                jon-nyc
                wrote on last edited by
                #66

                My gym declared bankruptcy yesterday. Who’s the quitter now, bitches?

                You were warned.

                1 Reply Last reply
                • jon-nycJ Online
                  jon-nycJ Online
                  jon-nyc
                  wrote on last edited by
                  #67

                  I thought naming my dog ‘Shark’ was a good idea until I took him to the beach.

                  You were warned.

                  1 Reply Last reply
                  • Catseye3C Offline
                    Catseye3C Offline
                    Catseye3
                    wrote on last edited by
                    #68

                    What did the fisherman say to the magician?

                    Pick a cod, any cod.

                    cd86ffc3-2441-4ccc-b785-43eba30354cd-image.png

                    Success is measured by your discipline and inner peace. – Mike Ditka

                    1 Reply Last reply
                    • jon-nycJ Online
                      jon-nycJ Online
                      jon-nyc
                      wrote on last edited by
                      #69

                      An epidemiologist, an ER doc, and an infectious disease specialist walk into a bar....

                      ... just kidding.

                      You were warned.

                      1 Reply Last reply
                      • HoraceH Offline
                        HoraceH Offline
                        Horace
                        wrote on last edited by
                        #70

                        The ER doc part makes it ring slightly less true, what with the ER docs who own urgent care clinics that were losing money due to the shelter in place/lock down orders, and who coincidentally came to a scientific conclusion that maybe those orders weren't in society's best interest after all.

                        Education is extremely important.

                        1 Reply Last reply
                        • LarryL Offline
                          LarryL Offline
                          Larry
                          wrote on last edited by
                          #71

                          So.. I figured out why there are no German cat breeds..

                          Cats refuse to take orders....

                          1 Reply Last reply
                          • LarryL Offline
                            LarryL Offline
                            Larry
                            wrote on last edited by Larry
                            #72

                            Did you know you can hear the blood running through your veins?

                            You have to listen varicosely....

                            1 Reply Last reply
                            • LarryL Offline
                              LarryL Offline
                              Larry
                              wrote on last edited by
                              #73

                              So.. a cat walks into a telegram office. The guy hands the cat a form to write his message on. The cat writes "meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow" and hands it to the man.

                              The man says "That's only nine "meows". You can send another "meow" for the same price if you want.

                              The cat says "yeah, but then it wouldn't make any sense,,,,"

                              1 Reply Last reply
                              • LarryL Offline
                                LarryL Offline
                                Larry
                                wrote on last edited by
                                #74

                                I just got robbed by 6 dwarfs...

                                Not Happy.....

                                1 Reply Last reply
                                • LarryL Offline
                                  LarryL Offline
                                  Larry
                                  wrote on last edited by
                                  #75

                                  Did you hear the one about the abusive dwarf and his tall wife?

                                  It's
                                  A real knee slapper.....

                                  1 Reply Last reply
                                  • LarryL Offline
                                    LarryL Offline
                                    Larry
                                    wrote on last edited by
                                    #76

                                    So..

                                    The Autopsy Club will be having it's annual party next Friday night.

                                    It will be Open Mike Night....

                                    1 Reply Last reply
                                    • LarryL Offline
                                      LarryL Offline
                                      Larry
                                      wrote on last edited by Larry
                                      #77

                                      I pulled a muscle while digging for gold.

                                      It's just a miner injury....

                                      1 Reply Last reply
                                      • Catseye3C Offline
                                        Catseye3C Offline
                                        Catseye3
                                        wrote on last edited by Catseye3
                                        #78

                                        A police officer was waiting along the side of a highway waiting to catch speeding drivers.
                                        He sees an old car puttering along at 22 MPH and thinks to himself, “This driver is just as dangerous as a speeder!” So he turns on his lights and pulls the driver over. Approaching the car, he notices that there are five elderly ladies, two in the front seat and three in the back, wide eyed and white as ghosts.
                                        The driver, obviously confused, says to him, “Officer, I don’t understand, I was doing exactly the speed limit! What seems to be the problem?” “Ma’am,” the officer replies, “You weren’t speeding, but you should know that driving slower than the speed limit can also be a danger to other drivers.” “Slower than the speed limit? No sir, I was doing the speed limit exactly… Twenty-two miles an hour!” the old woman says. The officer, trying to contain a chuckle explains to her that “22” was the route number, not the speed limit. A bit embarrassed, the woman grinned and thanked the officer for pointing out her error.
                                        “But before I let you go, Ma’am, I have to ask… is everyone in this car OK? These women seem awfully shaken and they haven’t uttered a single peep this whole time,” the officer asks with concern. “Oh, they’ll be all right in a minute, officer. We just got off Route 215.”

                                        Success is measured by your discipline and inner peace. – Mike Ditka

                                        1 Reply Last reply
                                        • LarryL Offline
                                          LarryL Offline
                                          Larry
                                          wrote on last edited by
                                          #79

                                          My wife makes pancakes too thin.

                                          I shouldn't have to put up with this crepe...

                                          1 Reply Last reply
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