So....
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wrote on 27 Jun 2020, 04:24 last edited by
A man walks into a library and says to the librarian:
“Do you have that book for the men with small penises?”
The librarian looks at her computer and says:
“I don’t know if it’s in yet”
“Yeah, that’s the one!”
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wrote on 27 Jun 2020, 05:10 last edited by
I was sitting at a bar last night and this Asian-looking fellow sits down next to me and takes a sip of beer.
I glance over at him and ask if he knows any of those martial arts like kung fu, karate or ju jitsu.
He says, "No, WTF man? Are you asking because I'm Chinese?"
I said, "No, it's because you're drinking my beer."
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wrote on 27 Jun 2020, 10:12 last edited by
So, I’m now my wife’s sexual advisor.
Just yesterday she told me when she wants my fucking advice she’ll ask for it.
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wrote on 27 Jun 2020, 17:30 last edited by
So, I asked my wife for a screwdriver.
She said, "Flathead, Phillips, or Vodka?"
It was at that moment I knew she was the one.
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wrote on 27 Jun 2020, 19:29 last edited by
So... I walked into the kitchen a while ago and my wife was chopping up onions.. which made me cry......
Because onions was a good dog...
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wrote on 27 Jun 2020, 19:30 last edited by
Wife: Hi.. I'm pregnant..
Husband: hi.. I'm Dad...
Wife: no you're not..... -
wrote on 27 Jun 2020, 19:35 last edited by Larry
Since it started raining today, all my wife has done is sit looking forlornly through the window.
I guess next time I get up to go to the toilet I should let her in...
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wrote on 28 Jun 2020, 21:07 last edited by
So.. my wife is laughing at me. I bought a new computer, and was setting up a password "mydick"....
A message flashed on the screen that said "your password is too short"
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wrote on 28 Jun 2020, 21:29 last edited by
I thought my wife was joking when she told me she was going to leave me if I didn't stop singing "I'm a believer"...
Then I saw her face......
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wrote on 28 Jun 2020, 21:55 last edited by
A doctor and his wife are talking...
Wife: I can't believe you cheated on me!!
Husband: well, she was just lying there naked on a table, what did you expect me to Do?
Wife:AN AUTOPSY!!!
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wrote on 28 Jun 2020, 22:00 last edited by
A string theorist is in bed with another woman and his wife walks in the room and catches them.. The string theorist says "Wait - I can explain everything!!"
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wrote on 3 Jul 2020, 02:55 last edited by
My gym declared bankruptcy yesterday. Who’s the quitter now, bitches?
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wrote on 3 Jul 2020, 03:01 last edited by
I thought naming my dog ‘Shark’ was a good idea until I took him to the beach.
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wrote on 3 Jul 2020, 23:44 last edited by
What did the fisherman say to the magician?
Pick a cod, any cod.
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wrote on 4 Jul 2020, 20:14 last edited by
An epidemiologist, an ER doc, and an infectious disease specialist walk into a bar....
... just kidding.
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wrote on 4 Jul 2020, 20:35 last edited by
The ER doc part makes it ring slightly less true, what with the ER docs who own urgent care clinics that were losing money due to the shelter in place/lock down orders, and who coincidentally came to a scientific conclusion that maybe those orders weren't in society's best interest after all.
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wrote on 10 Jul 2020, 18:32 last edited by
So.. I figured out why there are no German cat breeds..
Cats refuse to take orders....
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wrote on 10 Jul 2020, 18:34 last edited by Larry
Did you know you can hear the blood running through your veins?
You have to listen varicosely....
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wrote on 10 Jul 2020, 18:41 last edited by
So.. a cat walks into a telegram office. The guy hands the cat a form to write his message on. The cat writes "meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow" and hands it to the man.
The man says "That's only nine "meows". You can send another "meow" for the same price if you want.
The cat says "yeah, but then it wouldn't make any sense,,,,"
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wrote on 10 Jul 2020, 18:44 last edited by
I just got robbed by 6 dwarfs...
Not Happy.....