So....
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Studies have shown people eat more bananas than monkeys.
Come to think of it, I can’t even remember the last time I ate a monkey.
It’s always something.
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Therapist: What would you say to your dad if he were alive today?
Me: I’m sorry for cremating you. We honestly thought you were dead.
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I asked my wife to polish my medieval battle uniform while I go to the pub.
She always said she wanted a night in, shining armour.
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Her: My husband’s been having trouble falling asleep.
Dr: Have you tried telling him about your day?
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My buddy was bragging that his 3D printer could print a gun. But I wasn’t impressed.
I’ve had a Canon printer for years.
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The longest drum solo in history lasted 10 hours and 43 minutes.
It was performed by the kid sitting behind me on Delta 237 from LA to Tokyo.
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My buddy was bragging that his 3D printer could print a gun. But I wasn’t impressed.
I’ve had a Canon printer for years.
Stealing....
The longest drum solo in history lasted 10 hours and 43 minutes.
It was performed by the kid sitting behind me on Delta 237 from LA to Tokyo.
Yeah, that one too.
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I just got 30 minutes of cardio trying to pick an ice cube up off the kitchen floor.
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Anybody can masturbate under a sheet.
But it takes real skill to do it without the hairdresser noticing.
