So....
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wrote on 30 Mar 2022, 03:15 last edited by
Jolly would note that the chicken is living in the road’s head rent free.
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wrote on 30 Mar 2022, 09:13 last edited by Klaus
GK: Why do you criticise the chicken crossing the road but didn't say anything when the duck did it yesterday?
Larry: To hide a suitcase full of Trump votes.
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wrote on 30 Mar 2022, 12:46 last edited by
CATSEYE: To get to his route.
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wrote on 30 Mar 2022, 12:58 last edited by
Klaus: To explain to the chickens on the other side why it crossed the road.
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wrote on 2 Apr 2022, 22:34 last edited by
So......
A cow and three calves are laying in the grass under a tree.
One of the calves looks at the cow and says "why was I named Sunlight?" The cow says "because when you were born the first thing to happen was a ray of sunlight landed on your head."
The second calf says "well... why was I named Butterfly?" The cow says "because when you were born the first thing to happen was a butterfly landed on your head."
The third calf, named Cinder Block, said ",.,,,, Ooooddeeee boooomfph wooooooop...."
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wrote on 7 Apr 2022, 13:30 last edited by
this is a joke LB posted on FB.
Two priests decided to go to Hawaii on vacation.
They were determined to make this a real vacation by not wearing anything that would identify them as clergy.
As soon as the plane landed, they headed for a store and bought shorts, shirts, sandals, sunglasses, etc.
The next morning, they went to the beach, dressed in their "tourist" garb. They were sitting on beach chairs, enjoying a drink, the sunshine and the scenery when a "drop dead gorgeous" topless blonde in a thong bikini came walking straight towards them. They couldn't help but stare.
As the blonde passed them, she smiled and said "good morning, Father, good morning, Father," nodding and addressing each of them individually, then passed on by.
They were both stunned. How in the world did she know they were priests?
So the next day, they went back to the store & bought even more
outrageous outfits. These were so loud you could hear them before you even saw them.
Once again the two priests settled on the beach in their chairs to enjoy the sunshine. After a while, the same gorgeous topless blonde, wearing a string, taking her sweet time, came walking toward them.
Again, she nodded at each of them, said "good morning, Father" and started to walk away.
One of the priests couldn't stand it any longer and said. "Just a minute young lady.
"Yes?" she replied.
"We are priests, and proud of it, but I have to know, how in the world did you know we are priests dressed as we are?"
The blonde turned around and replied, "Father, it's me, Sister Angela!"
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wrote on 12 Apr 2022, 07:27 last edited by
I just got a full tank of gas for $22.
Granted, it was for my lawnmower but I’m trying to stay positive.
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wrote on 15 Apr 2022, 21:09 last edited by
A woman weightlifter goes to the doctor.
“I’ve been taking steroids and now I’ve grown a cock!”
“Anabolic?” asks the doctor.
“No just the cock!”
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wrote on 16 Apr 2022, 21:33 last edited by
I have a fish that can breakdance! Only for 20 seconds though, and only once.
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wrote on 17 Apr 2022, 18:17 last edited by
A British Jew is waiting in line to be knighted by the Queen. He is to kneel in front of her and recite a sentence in Latin when she taps him on the shoulders with her sword. However, when his turn comes, he panics in the excitement of the moment and forgets the Latin. Then, thinking fast, he recites the only other sentence he knows in a foreign language, which he remembers from the Passover seder:
"Ma nishtana ha layla ha zeh mi kol ha laylot."
Puzzled, Her Majesty turns to her advisor and whispers, "Why is this knight different from all other knights?"
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wrote on 21 Apr 2022, 15:07 last edited by
Sitting here in ER. I don’t want to go into details, let’s just say the “Dyson Ball Cleaner” is a very misleading product name.
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wrote on 22 Apr 2022, 07:54 last edited by
My daughter came out today and told us she identifies as a musical instrument.
I’ve always had suspicions about our Monica.
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wrote on 26 Apr 2022, 13:29 last edited by
What’s the difference between USA and USB?
One connects to your devices and accesses all of your data. The other is a hardware standard.
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wrote on 26 Apr 2022, 21:47 last edited by
I told my Chinese girlfriend last night I wanted 69.
She said “why do you want beef and broccoli now?”
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wrote on 29 Apr 2022, 02:02 last edited by
Did you know pigeons can only have sex once, then they die?
At least the one I fucked.
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wrote on 30 Apr 2022, 12:10 last edited by
So.....
At the store there's a great big "X" painted on the floor near the cash register to tell me where to stand...
I've seen too many Road Runner movies to fall for THAT one......
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wrote on 1 May 2022, 19:27 last edited by
The next time you do something that makes you feel stupid, just remember that Kim Kardashian played poker wearing mirrored sunglasses.
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wrote on 5 May 2022, 15:30 last edited by
Studies have shown people eat more bananas than monkeys.
Come to think of it, I can’t even remember the last time I ate a monkey.
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Studies have shown people eat more bananas than monkeys.
Come to think of it, I can’t even remember the last time I ate a monkey.
wrote on 5 May 2022, 15:47 last edited by -
wrote on 5 May 2022, 15:47 last edited by
racist