So....
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@Axtremus Funny!!
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Now That I'm Older
- My goal for 2020 was to lose 10 pounds. Only have 14 to go.
- Ate salad for dinner. Mostly croutons and tomatoes. Really just one big round crouton covered with tomato sauce, and cheese. FINE, it was a pizza.... OK, I ate a pizza! Are you happy now? Hey @Larry
- How to prepare Tofu:
a. Throw it in the trash
b. Grill some meat, chicken or fish - I just did a week's worth of cardio after walking into a spider web.
- I don't mean to brag, but I finished my 14-day diet food supply in 3 hours and 20 minutes.
- A recent study has found women who carry a little extra weight live longer than men who mention it.
- Kids today don't know how easy they have it. When I was young, I had to walk 9 feet through shag carpet to change the TV channel.
- Senility has been a smooth transition for me.
- Remember back when we were kids and every time it was below zero outside they closed school? Yeah, Me neither.
- I may not be that funny or athletic or good looking or smart or talented. I forgot where I was going with this.
- I loved approaching 70, I learned something new every day and forget 5 other things.
- A thief broke into my house last night. He started searching for money so I woke up and searched with him.
- I think I'll just put an "Out of Order" sticker on my forehead and call it a day.
- Just remember, once you're over the hill you begin to pick up speed.
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I was sitting at a bar last night and this Asian-looking fellow sits down next to me and takes a sip of beer.
I glance over at him and ask if he knows any of those martial arts like kung fu, karate or ju jitsu.
He says, "No, WTF man? Are you asking because I'm Chinese?"
I said, "No, it's because you're drinking my beer."
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So, I’m now my wife’s sexual advisor.
Just yesterday she told me when she wants my fucking advice she’ll ask for it.
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My gym declared bankruptcy yesterday. Who’s the quitter now, bitches?
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I thought naming my dog ‘Shark’ was a good idea until I took him to the beach.
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An epidemiologist, an ER doc, and an infectious disease specialist walk into a bar....
... just kidding.
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The ER doc part makes it ring slightly less true, what with the ER docs who own urgent care clinics that were losing money due to the shelter in place/lock down orders, and who coincidentally came to a scientific conclusion that maybe those orders weren't in society's best interest after all.
