So....

[jon-nyc]

Gas has gotten so expensive, rappers are now drinking it in music videos.

[jon-nyc]

My new girlfriend is 7’4”

This might be TMI, but she loves it when I go up on her.

[George K]

I was digging in our garden when I found a chest full of gold coins.

I was about to run straight home to tell my wife about it, but then I remembered why I was digging in our garden.

[jon-nyc]

What's the difference between Disney and PornHub?

Disney wants you to hate your stepmom.

[Larry]

So....

This big, burly, mean looking guy says to me "if you saw me breaking into your house one night, would you call 911"

I said "nope. I'd call 811."

He says "why would you call 811 instead of 911?"

I said "911 is who you call when you need help. 811 is who you call before you dig."

[jon-nyc]

So I went to the sperm bank yesterday.

The lady asked me if I’d like to masturbate in the cup.

I said “I’m good but I’m not ready to compete in a tournament quite yet”.

[George K]

She: "Hey, JC! Don't go to the office today!"

He: "Thanks for the tip, Cal, but I have work to do."

[Catseye3]

@jon-nyc “I’m good but I’m not ready to compete in a tournament quite yet”.

ROFL!!!

[George K]

BREAKING NEWS!

Police are warning of a large volume of fake passports and photo driving licences hitting the black market today.

Beware the IDs of March...

[jon-nyc]

Scientists are studying the effects of cannabis on seabirds.

They've left no tern unstoned.

[jon-nyc]

My girlfriend is great. She never says no to a shag, has great tits and even swallows.

But her bird collecting has gone far enough now.

[George K]

@jon-nyc said in So....:

My girlfriend is great. She never says no to a shag, has great tits and even swallows.

But her bird collecting has gone far enough now.

LOL.

(cheap) Scotch everywhere, even though the punchline was telegraphed.

[jon-nyc]

The doctor said I need to eat more whole foods.

So I’ll be eating this whole bag of chips and this whole pizza for lunch.

[Larry]

"I saw a prostitute last week who had completely destroyed her life by doing drugs."

"Smoking crack?"

"Yeah.... her tits were nice too....."

[jon-nyc]

What’s the difference between erotic and kinky?

Erotic is when you use a feather. Kinky is when you use the whole damn chicken.

[jon-nyc]

What do you give a man who has everything?

Broad spectrum antibiotics.

[George K]

Why Did The Chicken Cross The Road?

DONALD TRUMP: I've been told by my many sources, good sources - they're very good sources - that the chicken crossed the road. All the Fake News wants to do is write nasty things about the road, but it's a really good road. It's a beautiful road. Everyone knows how beautiful it is.

JOE BIDEN: Why did the chicken do the...thing in the...you know the rest.

SARAH PALIN: The chicken crossed the road because, gosh-darn it, he's a maverick!

BARACK OBAMA: Let me be perfectly clear, if the chickens like their eggs they can keep their eggs. No chicken will be required to cross the road to surrender her eggs. Period.

AOC: Chickens should not be forced to lay eggs! This is because of corporate greed! Eggs should be able to lay themselves.

HILLARY CLINTON: What difference at this point does it make why the chicken crossed the road.

GEORGE W. BUSH: We don't really care why the chicken crossed the road. We just want to know if the chicken is on our side of the road or not. The chicken is either with us or against us. There is no middle ground here.

DICK CHENEY: Where's my gun?

BILL CLINTON: I did not cross the road with that chicken.

AL GORE: I invented the chicken.

JOHN KERRY: Although I voted to let the chicken cross the road, I am now against it! It was the wrong road to cross, and I was misled about the chicken's intentions. I am not for it now, and will remain against it.

AL SHARPTON: Why are all the chickens white?

DR. PHIL: The problem we have here is that this chicken won't realize that he must first deal with the problem on this side of the road before it goes after the problem on the other side of the road. What we need to do is help him realize how stupid he is acting by not taking on his current problems before adding any new problems.

ANDERSON COOPER: We have reason to believe there is a chicken, but we have not yet been allowed to have access to the other side of the road.

NANCY GRACE: That chicken crossed the road because he's guilty! You can see it in his eyes and the way he walks.

PAT BUCHANAN: To steal the job of a decent, hardworking American.

DR SEUSS: Did the chicken cross the road? Did he cross it with a toad? Yes, the chicken crossed the road, but why it crossed I've not been told.

ERNEST HEMINGWAY: To die in the rain, alone.

GRANDPA: In my day we didn't ask why the chicken crossed the road. Somebody told us the chicken crossed the road, and that was good enough for us.

ARISTOTLE: It is the nature of chickens to cross the road.

ALBERT EINSTEIN: Did the chicken really cross the road, or did the road move beneath the chicken?

COLONEL SANDERS: Did I miss one?

[George K]

Superman is useless on Wednesday evenings because he goes to a weekly Bitcoin meet up.

It's his Crypto-night.

[Aqua Letifer]

@George-K said in So....:

Why Did The Chicken Cross The Road?

DONALD TRUMP: I've been told by my many sources, good sources - they're very good sources - that the chicken crossed the road. All the Fake News wants to do is write nasty things about the road, but it's a really good road. It's a beautiful road. Everyone knows how beautiful it is.

JOE BIDEN: Why did the chicken do the...thing in the...you know the rest.

SARAH PALIN: The chicken crossed the road because, gosh-darn it, he's a maverick!

BARACK OBAMA: Let me be perfectly clear, if the chickens like their eggs they can keep their eggs. No chicken will be required to cross the road to surrender her eggs. Period.

AOC: Chickens should not be forced to lay eggs! This is because of corporate greed! Eggs should be able to lay themselves.

HILLARY CLINTON: What difference at this point does it make why the chicken crossed the road.

GEORGE W. BUSH: We don't really care why the chicken crossed the road. We just want to know if the chicken is on our side of the road or not. The chicken is either with us or against us. There is no middle ground here.

DICK CHENEY: Where's my gun?

BILL CLINTON: I did not cross the road with that chicken.

AL GORE: I invented the chicken.

JOHN KERRY: Although I voted to let the chicken cross the road, I am now against it! It was the wrong road to cross, and I was misled about the chicken's intentions. I am not for it now, and will remain against it.

AL SHARPTON: Why are all the chickens white?

DR. PHIL: The problem we have here is that this chicken won't realize that he must first deal with the problem on this side of the road before it goes after the problem on the other side of the road. What we need to do is help him realize how stupid he is acting by not taking on his current problems before adding any new problems.

ANDERSON COOPER: We have reason to believe there is a chicken, but we have not yet been allowed to have access to the other side of the road.

NANCY GRACE: That chicken crossed the road because he's guilty! You can see it in his eyes and the way he walks.

PAT BUCHANAN: To steal the job of a decent, hardworking American.

DR SEUSS: Did the chicken cross the road? Did he cross it with a toad? Yes, the chicken crossed the road, but why it crossed I've not been told.

ERNEST HEMINGWAY: To die in the rain, alone.

GRANDPA: In my day we didn't ask why the chicken crossed the road. Somebody told us the chicken crossed the road, and that was good enough for us.

ARISTOTLE: It is the nature of chickens to cross the road.

ALBERT EINSTEIN: Did the chicken really cross the road, or did the road move beneath the chicken?

COLONEL SANDERS: Did I miss one?

JORDAN PETERSON: Well, I would first start by asking, what makes you think you want that chicken to cross the road? When Solzhenitsyn wrote the Gulag Archipelago, he had some very frightening things to say about the other side of that road—things Jung tried to warn us about but most people aren't willing to cast their gaze at. And it's like, fair enough, it's dark over there!

[Horace]

@Aqua-Letifer said in So....:

@George-K said in So....:

Why Did The Chicken Cross The Road?

DONALD TRUMP: I've been told by my many sources, good sources - they're very good sources - that the chicken crossed the road. All the Fake News wants to do is write nasty things about the road, but it's a really good road. It's a beautiful road. Everyone knows how beautiful it is.

JOE BIDEN: Why did the chicken do the...thing in the...you know the rest.

SARAH PALIN: The chicken crossed the road because, gosh-darn it, he's a maverick!

BARACK OBAMA: Let me be perfectly clear, if the chickens like their eggs they can keep their eggs. No chicken will be required to cross the road to surrender her eggs. Period.

AOC: Chickens should not be forced to lay eggs! This is because of corporate greed! Eggs should be able to lay themselves.

HILLARY CLINTON: What difference at this point does it make why the chicken crossed the road.

GEORGE W. BUSH: We don't really care why the chicken crossed the road. We just want to know if the chicken is on our side of the road or not. The chicken is either with us or against us. There is no middle ground here.

DICK CHENEY: Where's my gun?

BILL CLINTON: I did not cross the road with that chicken.

AL GORE: I invented the chicken.

JOHN KERRY: Although I voted to let the chicken cross the road, I am now against it! It was the wrong road to cross, and I was misled about the chicken's intentions. I am not for it now, and will remain against it.

AL SHARPTON: Why are all the chickens white?

DR. PHIL: The problem we have here is that this chicken won't realize that he must first deal with the problem on this side of the road before it goes after the problem on the other side of the road. What we need to do is help him realize how stupid he is acting by not taking on his current problems before adding any new problems.

ANDERSON COOPER: We have reason to believe there is a chicken, but we have not yet been allowed to have access to the other side of the road.

NANCY GRACE: That chicken crossed the road because he's guilty! You can see it in his eyes and the way he walks.

PAT BUCHANAN: To steal the job of a decent, hardworking American.

DR SEUSS: Did the chicken cross the road? Did he cross it with a toad? Yes, the chicken crossed the road, but why it crossed I've not been told.

ERNEST HEMINGWAY: To die in the rain, alone.

GRANDPA: In my day we didn't ask why the chicken crossed the road. Somebody told us the chicken crossed the road, and that was good enough for us.

ARISTOTLE: It is the nature of chickens to cross the road.

ALBERT EINSTEIN: Did the chicken really cross the road, or did the road move beneath the chicken?

COLONEL SANDERS: Did I miss one?

JORDAN PETERSON: Well, I would first start by asking, what makes you think you want that chicken to cross the road? When Solzhenitsyn wrote the Gulag Archipelago, he had some very frightening things to say about the other side of that road—things Jung tried to warn us about but most people aren't willing to cast their gaze at. And it's like, fair enough, it's dark over there!

HORACE: Because the chicken was indoctrinated by his culture into believing that crossing the road signaled virtue. Across the road was a large group of mediocre chickens giggling at the smaller group who did not cross. The smaller group was clearly more intelligent and better looking than the giggling masses, and that smaller group watched on with deep compassion and sadness as the masses across the road got plucked, roasted, and eaten.